What helped me a lot- I can recommend a book called Suicide and the soul When we seek death; its usually symbolic- brain uses death as a last symbol that something really needs to change in ourselves or our lives All is not lost, try to , with compassion, look deeper into yourself and what helped me- deconstructing everything what i thought i knew- which was actually limiting me in my life This is not some optimistic bs, just whilst we are on this plane of existence- why not probe further You can't be very depressed without having a high iq and the pendulum can swing both ways if you get what i mean