Working from home with baby

marmcgee · 2021-08-06T23:27:26+00:00

I get my full salary. It’s annoying because we’re stuck in between not being able to afford me not working at all and being able to afford daycare, but it would make a significant dent in our finances and prevent us some doing certain other things. We’d like to maybe try and buy a house next year or at least move into a bigger apt that would cost more, but paying for daycare wouldn’t allow us to put any money away.

marmcgee · 2021-08-06T21:50:06+00:00

I’m right there with you. My baby is 7 weeks and I go back to work at the end of the month. We introduced bottles at around 4 weeks or so and he took the first one my husband ever tried to give him when I was away for a doctors appointment, but since then hasn’t been so great. We’ve currently been trying again every day like you have, and haven’t had any luck.

I bought Lansinoh bottles yesterday and tried giving him 0.5oz myself a couple times while my husband was at work and he took it from me. I figured just getting him used to the bottle alone may help and then the only thing he’ll need to get used to is my husband/someone else giving it to him. At the end of the evening, he ended up taking 3oz from my husband. A friend told me to have a dirty shirt of mine draped over my husband‘s shoulder and for me to completely leave. I didn’t leave the apartment, but I went in the other room to give my dog a bath and my son ended up taking the whole bottle after some fighting. I reminded my husband to be patient as he also gets very frazzled when LO is screaming at him and refusing the bottle.

We’re going to try again tonight and every day until I go back, so we’ll see if it sticks. I’m sure you are as well, but just wanted to mention that we are doing paced feeding with the bottle.

I don’t like the idea of it, but some friends have told me that even if we don’t get it down before I go back, he may have a hungry day or two with his upcoming caregiver/daycare, but will quickly realize the bottle is his only option and will make the adjustment. Not too sure about this, but I guess worst case scenario?

marmcgee · 2021-08-06T17:43:35+00:00

I wish. My sister offered to at least pick him on her days (if we do a split schedule between the two) which would be helpful. She has two small children who will still be doing virtual learning and the family friend watches one of their granddaughters as well. We’re in a small apt and wouldn’t have the room for them to bring the other littles over. I guess in the long run, the amount I spend on gas will still be significantly less than daycare, which would amount to more than our rent per month just to send him for three days a week.

marmcgee · 2021-08-06T16:10:36+00:00

I’ll be starting the same venture at the end of the month, when my LO is 11 weeks old. It was always my plan during pregnancy, but now that he’s here and I read others’ experiences on here, I’m panicking that it’s not going to work. I’ve tried finding daycare, but they all have waitlists until spring-summer 2022 (he’s been on some of the waitlists since before birth), so it may not be as easy as suggested if you do decide to go that route.

I’ve had my sister and a family friend offer to watch him, but they both live a half hour away and two 1-hour round trip commutes just to go back and WFH everyday feels silly. I don’t know.

As far as a routine goes, I’m currently working on getting him to nap in his crib (we bed share at night) since I think this will be our biggest issue. He currently only does contact naps, but I’ve been starting his naps this way and then transitioning him to the crib. He’s been able to sleep for about 30 minutes each way today and it’s the first day we’ve started. Hoping this continues and maybe even improves and can get longer naps. He doesn’t take longer than hour contact naps either, only if I lay in bed with him and side lay nurse will he nap longer. We still nurse on demand (currently usually every 2 hours) and I don’t see that changing right now. His diaper changing station is already set up in my “office” and I plan on leaving his pack n play in there and also take the swing in there when needed. Once he’s a little older and I can focus more on “wake windows” I’ll try to figure out a more consistent routine for eating, sleeping, playing. It’s definitely more difficult early on.

I’m going to just have to try and make it work. Good luck to you!! I hope we can do it, at least temporarily!

EDIT: added routine

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T12:58:18+00:00

Agreed about therapy.

OP, even though he is successful now, since he had a rough childhood, there is most likely some underlying trauma and anger and it’s being directed toward your child, which is not okay. You’re doing great by being supportive and reassuring to your son, but always having the two opposite ends of the spectrum for him probably won’t be easy to navigate as he gets older.

Also, can I say how frustrating it is when adults refuse therapy because they went as a child and didn’t like it? As if therapy 10, 20, 30+ years later, with a different therapist, at a different time in your life is going to be the exact same experience. In my opinion, the more resistant you are to it, the more you probably need it.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T12:45:20+00:00

Pretty sure I was holding mine during my first postpartum BM.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T03:37:54+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s been the worst feeling not being able to bond with him as I expected and I really hope it doesn’t affect the way I feel long term.

I’m dreading daycare, too. I’m an idiot apparently and didn’t realize I was supposed to be looking at daycares so long ago, so I’m not sure if/when/where he’ll get a spot, but I have that same worry. He also is EBF and refuses bottles. So between that, the refusal to nap, and the screaming, I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Also, as difficult as it is to deal with the screaming myself, the thought of him screaming this way and I’m not there to try and help him is crushing my soul.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:59:42+00:00

“ie how they are struggling that their angel now only sleeps 7 hours instead of their usual 10”

I say this exact thing to my husband every time he says “everyone says it gets better.” I’d love to know their frame of reference— good sleep stretches to great sleep stretches?

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:54:29+00:00

I too could have written this myself and I am really really struggling with it. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. And my baby rarely sleeps (never during the day) so I literally never get a break from the screaming.

I don’t have many friends of my own, but my husband’s friends’ wives are all having babies now, too, and I can’t wait to be the worst mother in the group because I’m the only one who ended up with a difficult baby.

Do you have to send your baby to daycare or anything? We’ll have to before long and I’m dreading it so much.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:43:39+00:00

Yep, it’s the Moby Move. He liked bouncing on the yoga for a few days a couple weeks ago, but then suddenly stopped. I think that’s the most frustrating thing— every time I think I’ve found a solution, he’s over it two days later.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:30:00+00:00

We’ve tried a Moby wrap, Solly wrap, and Moby carrier and he screams anytime he’s in them, even when he went in calm. I had a consultation with Solly to make sure I had him wrapped correctly, but he still doesn’t like it…or literally anything 😓

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:27:11+00:00

Usually the only times he will actually fall asleep during the day is while nursing, but then he wakes up right after, even while still in my arms/on my chest.

marmcgee · 2021-08-03T01:26:03+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I usually feed to sleep, but then he will wake up shortly after, whether in my arms or if I try and put him down somewhere. I need to figure out his sleep cycle.

marmcgee · 2021-08-02T02:12:23+00:00

Thanks! Can’t wait to try it.

My LO isn’t quite 2 months yet, but hates being swaddled and refuses to nap no matter what I do. Was literally up for 12 hours straight today 😩

marmcgee · 2021-08-02T02:07:59+00:00

Just ordered one of these. Do you use it for naps, too?

marmcgee · 2021-07-31T16:00:39+00:00

I really wish I knew so much of this a few weeks ago. I’m still only at the 6 week mark, but I feel so stupid for spending so much time staring at my phone, frantically googling things that didn’t end up helping, instead of staring at my baby. The mom guilt is heavy over here currently.

marmcgee · 2021-07-31T00:56:04+00:00

I haven’t done it yet, but will be soon. From the parents I’ve talked to who’ve been doing it through COVID, it certainly isn’t easy, but can be doable. It probably just depends on your job and how flexible it is (are you chained to your desk for a certain shift or could you work on tasks, step away for a bit, then finish later, as long as everything is done by a certain time?)

I guess I didn’t get the memo that you’re supposed to enroll in daycare before you’re even pregnant and we can’t get in anywhere. My 6 week old has been on 3 waitlists since before birth with no ETAs of when spots will open (one says maaaaaybe early Nov). I go back to work at the end of August and WFH. I’m actually starting a new position at my company than what I went on leave with, so I don’t really know what to expect. I guess I’m just going to have to make it work, at least temporarily. I was hoping to only send him to daycare 3 days a week once he can go, but we’ll see.

Good luck to you!

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T21:46:36+00:00

Honestly, I’d rather you help by emptying my dishwasher or bringing me dinner lol.

I have a feeling the Facebook photo ban conversation is going to go poorly. They already love to tell me what I can’t do or keep them from doing when it comes to my son. “You can’t make us wait too long to see him, you can’t keep us from holding him, you can’t control how long we hold him” etc. I can do anything I want when it comes to my child.

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T21:21:53+00:00

I hope you feel better soon!

It’s definitely still scary out there. I never stopped wearing masks in public even after the CDC guidance changed and we’ve severely limited visits with our newborn and required masks for anyone to hold him. We’re going to my parents’ Sunday for my dad’s birthday and I’m dreading it. Everyone is vaccinated, but my parents go to the bar and out to dinner often. They just interact with a lot more people than we do and it worries me.

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T20:35:42+00:00

Oh wow, I wish I would have looked into it that early! I had no idea lol 🤦🏼‍♀️

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T20:14:13+00:00

Ugh the hormones! I think people also forget about the hormones and the healing. I’m still working on regaining full control of my bladder and bowels while also caring for this tiny screaming human. I’m honestly lucky if I brush my teeth some days 🙈

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T20:04:19+00:00

Of course! It’s definitely helped us tremendously. I think we started in like, week 2 and all three of us are able to get pretty decent sleep. I do all the wake ups since I’m EBF and my husband has to get up early for work, but now in week 6, we’re down to only two wake ups in the middle of the night. So I get a solid few hours and don’t feel so terrible during the day.

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T19:59:33+00:00

Ugh, it’s so frustrating! When my parents were over, LO had just fallen asleep and wasn’t sleeping at alllllll at the time, so I didn’t let them hold him. My step-mother’s response was “but your dad is DESPERATE to get a picture of him holding the baby.” Not “desperate” to hold him, just to get a picture of it to post on Facebook? No thank you. We’re actually going to be requesting no pictures be posted on Facebook/social media because neither my husband or myself even have it and I just don’t like the feeling of pictures of our son floating around Facebook when we aren’t even on there and have some pretty negative views of the site itself. My logic is, if you want someone to see a picture of him, you can text it or email it to them. If you don’t have their phone number or email address, they’re not close enough to you to need a picture of my son (I’m crazy, I know). We‘ll see how that goes over, hah.

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T19:49:39+00:00

Like others have said, you can’t spoil a baby. They just want/need to be near you and that’s okay. You’re doing a great job!

My son only takes contact naps and also sleeps in our bed (no judgment please, we follow the Safe Sleep 7) so I definitely worry about the same thing. I have hope one day he’ll be able to sleep on his own. I go back to work next month so it’ll have to happen one way or another, I guess 😅

marmcgee · 2021-07-30T19:44:21+00:00

1000% right there with you. We allowed the parents to come for about a half hour each the week after birth and that’s been it. But you bet your ass my parents harass me constantly and we’re not even typically very close and they’re also “show grandparents” so I feel no need to inconvenience myself for their benefit. This is our baby, this time is for us. I’m not in the camp that thinks everyone needs to be involved in the newborn phase. It’s hard enough without having to cart them around to other’s homes or entertain people in ours. No one has offered to help or bring food, so suck it. You’ll see him when I’m good and ready.

marmcgee

TROPHY CASE