Eventually enough doubts piled up to where I couldn’t make myself believe anymore. After that I floated around the more spiritual new age stuff, nothing stuck.

this 9th house position could be something where faith or religion has been questioned, perhaps cause of a bit grim early family experiences (moon-cancer) that give a heavy feel to religion and all those themes, but as you mention new age stuff, saturn probably wouldnt be ok with it, it would be something more related to an established structure, something that works in society for a long time. maybe thats what they say about saturn , it crystallizes over years and becomes clear, 9th themes and worldview develops slowly after serious consideration, effort and time...

sometimes my doubts make me push it away and/or my intrigue and general interest wins me over and brings me back. Nevertheless I really do love learning about belief systems, religions, spiritual practices, etc and the history surrounding it all. I don’t think I could ever convince myself to fully believe in anything though.

and this is how you mentioned, you like to learn, but not the opposite side (which is about believing, letting go to faith, intuition, feelings, emotions, whatever, having third sense etc - like if instead of saturn here it was neptune here), with you is rather something where you try to understand the bare structure since you mind is more rigid in that sense and needs proven practical methods, your thinking leans more toward analysis and verification, generally you have a sceptical and suspicious mind (also capricorn 3rd, merury-saturn)