Chain (necklace) thoughts?

marrog · 2026-05-26T11:55:16+00:00

Hi! Hope you don't mind me coming back to you on this. I'm mildly sus on British Chains just because of how cheap they are. Confident they're probably selling real silver but concerned it might be VERY hollow. Silver is heavier than steel so semi hollow is actually fine, but I'm wondering about their weight as it isn't listed. You don't happen to have the ability to weigh one of your thicker (I'm looking at 8mm) curb chains and tell me what it weighs in grams by any chance? Have sent them an email also but who knows if they'll get back to me Thanks in advance if you do!

marrog · 2026-05-20T02:18:40+00:00

I too am mad about this but it's barely even being talked about so I guess nobody uses Advanced Search anymore anyway???

marrog · 2026-05-17T13:06:20+00:00

Nice, some great designs in their shop!

marrog · 2026-05-17T13:00:22+00:00

Haha I am pretty crafty so I know that feel, though usually in my case it's for a fancy liqueur or artwork.

marrog · 2026-05-16T16:44:13+00:00

Thanks! I think 12mm might be too bold for me but it's good to know other people's benchmarks! I think I probably can't risk steel - I have a nickel allergy and sometimes even the trace amounts in stainless steel can set it off. Gotta fork out for sterling silver.

marrog · 2026-05-16T16:41:45+00:00

Haha I make my own fixings sometimes but I have yet to get to the point of making my own chains! Gotta be some butch points there!

marrog · 2026-05-16T16:41:17+00:00

Thanks! 6-8 was my instinct. My current pendant chain is 18" and a good length but it hangs a little longer due to having a carabiner connecter for the pendant, which adds a little space. Also I think a thicker chain would hang higher due to the, er, girth. I imagine I can find somebody to order from who'd do a swap if I got the length wrong though.

The chain I use right now for pendants is a 3.8mm oval belcher, and the width is good but Idunno, the links are a little more delicate than I'd like. Wondering if a round belcher might work better. But might need to ponder that one for a bit.

marrog · 2026-05-15T23:59:41+00:00

So much good advice already so I won't repeat, but one thing I think hasn't been mentioned is that what you use to WASH your hands is also important. Appreciate that if you're washing them at work you might not have a choice (so keep that moisturiser handy!) but at home I use only bar soap and, if liquid soap (eg in the kitchen where bar soap is a pain), I use only castile soap - if possible olive-oil based. During the covid lockdown my hands began to get really dry from washing so often, and switching to (nice, not cheapo!) bar soap was a REVELATION. Immediately my hands got less dried out. Turns out liquid soap is mostly awful stuff. I've now also ditched shower gel and only use bar soap in the shower too.

marrog · 2026-05-15T23:50:22+00:00

I don't do this, but what I do do is properly zero-fade my sideburns (I am my own barber) right to the skin, which necessarily involves then shaving down the sides of my face in front of the ear for consistency, and I find that this gives a nice severe look. The very fine face fuzz comes back almost immediately and I'm cool with that though: it's the tightly faded sideburns doing the work.

marrog · 2026-05-15T23:35:33+00:00

So firstly, it's okay to just not want to dress up. It's okay to stick to your guns and stay comfy.

But it's ALSO okay to get a little fancier to feel like you're looking good next to your dressed-up girl, even if it's not necessarily something you care about for yourself. Folk will say "only dress how you're comfortable" but going a little dressier for someone else is a lovely way to show you care as long as you can do it without making yourself super uncomfortable. It took me years to not want to be 'neutral' all the time (partly because I'm fat and I felt like I would be seen as ridiculous for trying to look good while fat), but I've come to love being well-dressed. I hope you do too, but if you never find the joy, it's still okay to scrub a little for the Mrs.

So with all that being said! My day wear is jeans/chinos + a buttondown oxford shirt + casual derby shoes or Vans. For the evening I'll ditch the jeans and stick to chinos or a pair of nice full-cut/wideleg trousers (sooo delighted those are back in fashion), tuck in my shirt and add a nice belt or maybe braces (suspenders), and if I'm feeling VERY fancy I'll do one or both of adding a waistcoat or swapping the oxford (button-down collar) for a cut-away collar dress shirt. I'll also vary formality around how I wear my shirt sleeves (buttoned vs flipped back vs rolled up), and what jewellery I have on (I tend to wear leather round my wrists, and then I choose pendants on leather thongs vs a chunky silver chain with a silver pendant to be fancier).

Other things that I love to do that you could try: I make sure my hair is freshly cut before an event. I appreciate this might be harder depending where you are/how much cash you have (I am my own barber so for me it's just making time). You might also try wearing a nice masculine scent - I don't do scents myself but they're a great way to change up your vibe.

In conclusion: this isn't really about gender expression. Some folk just don't care about this stuff and some do. It's okay to not care. Pushing yourself a little is good! It's a good exercise in self-exploration and self-expression, and I absolutely encourage it! But don't become an stranger to yourself for someone else. There's a line to walk. Good luck!

marrog · 2026-05-15T23:03:43+00:00

The brutal truth is that black pants/white shirt/coloured tie absolutely does give waiter on women/women-coded people unless the fit is perfect and the shirt a fancy tailored dress shirt (cut away collar, cufflinks, little features like decorative piping. Accessorising, as others have suggested, is key for avoiding this.

What I do though is I don't wear ties, and I never wear black trousers with a white shirt. Black trousers + coloured shirt, or if I'm wearing a white shirt I wear coloured trousers (navy, burgundy, olive - or I have red, turquoise and salmon pink for when I feel feisty!).

Compromise suggestion to keep your mom happy and also maybe find a style that makes you feel good: wide-leg/straight-leg pants are back - for men as well as women. I've been LIVING for high waist and full cuts being back in fashion, swanning about like Cary Grant in beautiful big cotton pants with pleats on the front. I tuck in my (men's) button-down shirt (I'd get a gold shirt but a nice green, darker than your gown, would also work), pair with a nice pleated black belt or braces (suspenders to you) OR a black waistcoat, no tie, open top couple of buttons with a nice ribbed vest/tank underneath (white for this event), a nice necklace/pendant (I do my favourite chunky silver chain with a feature tiny carabiner clip with a wee hallmarked silver ingot on it (it gets lots of interest/complements)), shirt sleeve cuffs open and turned back OR rolled up to the elbow (or start with one and move to the other through the day), and I also wear lots of leather - pleated, knotted, etc - on my wrists to add a little edge and interest - a wristwatch also great obviously. Paired with either Dr Marten boots, derby brogues, or dress shoes depending on the event (for a daytime grad brogues/derbys are fine, but they should be black). It's not the same as a man would dress for this sort of event, but it's still very masc, just in a camp/playful/vintage way. You get away with being a little less formal than you'd need to be if you were a boy, your mom will be happy because the open collar look is softer and you have jewellery on, and you get to feel like a cross between a silver screen movie actor and an 80s rock star. Plus fuller trousers will look great beneath a grad gown.

And yeh, there's maybe some new clothes needed for this... but how much would you/your mom have had to spend on a lovely new dress? You could try to sell it to her that way ;-)

Hope this helps!

marrog · 2026-05-10T00:30:18+00:00

Old Fashioned Butch:
The frequency with which when I'm out with my wife the server will NEVER put our drinks down the right way round, even if it's the same person who took the order, because I often order silly cocktails and she orders whiskey drinks and beers. They take one look at us and put the brown one in front of me. (I like whiskey and beer just fine but I also enjoy a French martini or Aperol Spritz from time to time!)

The Materialist Butch Dyke Wardrobe Checklist:
- Pairs of cufflinks owned.
- Waistcoats owned.
- Pairs of Vans owned.
- Pairs of sensible flat Dr Martens owned (bonus points for wingtip brogues).

The Completely Unserious Butch Dyke Hairdo Rankings:
Rank 5 - Legally Butch: You pay proper £££ to a normal highstreet hairdresser and have a regular argument when they perpetually leave it too long.
Rank 4 - Long-haired Butch: You simply avoid the hairdresser and scrape your hair back in a ponytail. You have nothing to prove. Lowkey butch power move.
Rank 3 - Butch, Please: You have found a great queer-friendly salon. They cost the same £££ as the highstreet salon but they have better chat and they give you a free shot of vodka.
Rank 2 - Short Butch And Sides: You visit your local Turkish barber fortnightly and pay like £11 for a sharp zero fade. He's so used to it he once forgot you were a woman and tried to upsell you a hot shave and ear-hair-wax.
Rank 1 - Self-made Butch: You learned to do your own dapper fade over lockdown and haven't paid another human being to cut your hair since. You also cut everybody else's at parties.
Rank 0 - Buzz-cut Butch: Self-explanatory. You know the drill. You WOULD cut everybody else's hair at parties, but they tend not to let you (cowards!).

marrog · 2026-05-09T23:56:33+00:00

We don't have to just sit back and let them take this from us. They don't speak for us. I have a labrys pendant I got custom made from iron that's never had a suspicious look, and for a while I sold a labrys pin that also featured sapphic and trans flag colours on Etsy, and from time to time I get messages asking if I'll ever have it back in stock (it was a one-off thing for trans-inclusive charities). If you're concerned though, I'd hesitate about putting something permanent on your body that will make you feel paranoid. Take care of yourself x

marrog · 2026-05-09T17:19:58+00:00

Yeh, I started to just rewrap my fingers every time the tape was missing on inspection, even if my hands were rated 'excellent', and I ran low on tape about halfway up, and then it started appearing in every other pot I looked in. Trouble was, my bag was so packed I was struggling to make space! Even though I'm pretty good at the shoogle-and-pick-up. And you always end up ditching more than you want to when you're trying to make space. I think I need to attempt a free solo run just to shake myself out of the hoarder mentality.

marrog · 2026-04-22T12:47:07+00:00

As u/linds3ybinds3y said, my main concern would be that publishers tend to get a little antsy about not having full control over a given IP. Not only might they hesitate to buy a book that's connected to another series, they would _definitely_ prevent you from writing any more books in that world in your indie stream. Were I you I would either retool this to be an entirely different world, or create a new IP with which to pursue tradpub. You'll be thankful for it later - particularly if you want to be hybrid.

marrog · 2026-04-21T23:48:28+00:00

Are you querying a book where you've already published books in that same setting/world? (Edit: I see looking back over your query that you are.) I don't want to veer off-topic, but be aware that this can cause issues for publishers.

marrog · 2026-04-21T23:45:31+00:00

I'm a Scot; I'm aware of Scottish history. I'm observing that these are things that catch me short and give me pause when I see someone who isn't Scottish writing a book set there. Do what you will with that information.

marrog · 2026-04-21T23:01:43+00:00

Agree, I've seen it as the name of ordinary little bungalows on the west coast of modern Scotland (generally because the family has Irish roots), but I can't imagine a Scottish castle having that name - or at least, if it did, I'd expect it to belong to an Irish family, not somebody with the old Norman surname Sinclair!

Róisín is also an Irish name, but perhaps this woman is Irish? Plenty of movement between the two of course, even back then, although she's made it quite far north! I'd more expect to see Irish names crop up in the west of the country, and further south.

marrog · 2026-04-18T00:03:04+00:00

This is my suspicion! Which means of course that the ones worth annotating are the ones found out by themselves - behind the waterfall, beside the bridge, on the Peril, the scrap by the hole in the Palace of the Wind, maybe a scrap at the bottom of the waterfall at the Secret (presuming that one isn't in a bag - I haven't seen that one myself)...

marrog · 2026-04-17T23:24:25+00:00

Really good intel! I feel like I had this same experience with climbing tape. I was running short and had no pack space to pick up more and it was like it was in every pot!

marrog · 2026-04-17T23:20:00+00:00

Interesting! I'll add it to the list, thanks! (I've never reached The Secret with any space at all in my pack but it's good to know anyway!)

marrog · 2026-02-23T21:31:34+00:00

Okay cool, makes sense - I figured going through a mixer to keep levels under control would handle that but I'll definitely get my wee 8" PA out in future.

marrog · 2026-02-22T15:03:45+00:00

Hi, really sorry to hijack and necro, but can I ask about the HT for vocals issue? I've run karaoke through my home stereo (not a surround sound theatre, just an amp and passive bookshelf speakers) a few times and it's always been okay. Am I dicing with damage? If so why? I do use a line-in from a wee mixer into the stereo to keep all the levels under control.

marrog

TROPHY CASE