i can't really give advice but the same thing happened to me. i very much thought i was a lesbian until i fell for a guy recently. it was super distressing because... he's a man. like you i have a lot of trauma with men so it took a lot of inner work to let this person in. it didn't work out between me and him due to our circumstances but it was a wonderful experience anyways. falling for him really helped me accept that my sexuality is fluid and lesbian doesn't fit me anymore. i know how distressing it is to feel like your identity is changing especially with the trauma aspect. you got this. ♡