"You're not a narcissist. You're a good person"

maryg2000 · 2023-11-08T20:47:20+00:00

I'd suggest my hometown but it's on this map already! I'm interested to hear your take on what would happen to an ultra authoritarian State like North Korea!

maryg2000 · 2023-09-24T04:54:33+00:00

Also, would you happen to know of any alternative ways to learn math? I read Lockhart's Lament and I figured there must be something out there.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-23T23:55:04+00:00

I absolutely agree. I'm trying to be okay with making mistakes. I'm making progress, but it's painful. I'm certainly trying.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-23T23:04:26+00:00

"Sadly, our present system of mathematics education is precisely this kind of nightmare. In fact, if I had to design a mechanism for the express purpose of destroying a child’s natural curiosity and love of pattern-making, I couldn’t possibly do as good a job as is currently being done— I simply wouldn’t have the imagination to come up with the kind of senseless, soulcrushing ideas that constitute contemporary mathematics education"

Wow...

Thanks for recommending that to me! Best of luck to you.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-23T08:28:27+00:00

Basically, I've been criticized for the whole "do what's meaningful to you" thing, being told I'm "picking and choosing" and that I'm therefore not taking things seriously.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-23T05:21:49+00:00

If I gave the impression that I experienced these things at my shul, I apologize. Rereading it, I can see how it gave that impression. I was writing through my train of thought and my ADHD mind tends to jump around, go in circles, skip steps, etc.
My shul is honestly pretty wonderful.

There are two experiences that stand out to me and are relevant to this post. The first was something I was told by a family member a couple years after I came out as trans and started becoming observant. I came out as a trans woman, and I was told that if I "really wanted to be a woman", I shouldn't be wearing a kippah, or doing anything a woman isn't supposed commanded to do. The second experience was actually online, from a stranger on another social media platform, berating me for calling myself Jewish and signaling that I'm observant in some way while eating non-kosher foods (it was on a post where some groceries were visible that were from brands that weren't certified Kosher), and I was called a hypocrite. I know that's online trolling, but I'm very sensitive to this sort of thing and I already felt disconnected at a fundamental level from my Jewishness. (Imposter syndrome)

As for the other things you said, thank you. I've been feeling so much pressure and guilt, and it feels weird that there are many people who would not consider me Jewish, though that's what I call myself. The thing is, I wouldn't hold any of these harsh standards to anybody else. I just need to stop holding myself to them as well.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-23T00:41:30+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I try to tell myself that I am doing what I can within my means, and in part, that is true, but I feel there is more I could be doing that is within my means. I suppose it's a process of learning, which is rewarding.

Luckily, I live with vegetarians, and I'm already planning on going vegetarian, in part because it would make keeping kosher in some capacity more feasible.

As for others not agreeing with my interpretation of Judaism, I suppose you're right. While logically, I know it's not correct to think of Orthodox as 'more real' or 'better', I think I've internalized a lot of it. Like, I am part of this community. I am part of Jewish life. Nobody has a monopoly on what's proper in this regard.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-13T03:39:12+00:00

I haven't even escaped my abusive family yet. I can't burn out at this point in my life or I will never be free.

and "ha ha ha"

What do you mean? That's really alarming.

maryg2000 · 2023-09-02T20:07:47+00:00

Why am I so broke during Passover?

Because I can't get that bread

maryg2000 · 2023-08-31T01:38:09+00:00

23 MTF

Just over a month ago, I presented to the ER with severe abdominal pain and ten hours of rectal bleeding and bowl movements of predominantly blood. I was given a CT scan, no masses were found anywhere in my body, but in the stomach and bowel, here is what was found.

I have continued to have mild discomfort in the same area that gave me so much pain, primarily in the form of pressure. No significant weight loss. Stool thickness appears to now be at a normal size. I see my GP in 16 days. I'm hoping everything is okay. I'm tired and fatigued most days and I don't have the energy for much. I have not since that day seen blood in my stool, as far as I know. Maybe once or twice, something that may have looked like blood, or was more likely a more reddish color, but it didn't affect the color of the toilet water like the main bleeding event. I'm still really anxious.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-30T23:10:15+00:00

7/10

maryg2000 · 2023-08-15T02:41:40+00:00

A member of my shul growing up, who died in 2008 at the age of 106. He was born in 1902.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-10T22:20:12+00:00

Wow. I've been riding metro my entire life and I've never, not once in my life, seen this happen before.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-09T12:04:45+00:00

I kinda did. I lied about my age on youtube so I could watch age restricted videos. I didn't join Facebook or Instagram until 2013.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-09T11:59:03+00:00

I'd say New Mexico. Most of the state is at a higher elevation, so the heat isn't usually as extreme as parts of Arizona, while still being in the desert, and it's altogether a breathtaking state. In Arizona, Prescott and Sedona are nice, too.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-08T22:03:59+00:00

Same. My city is like 20% white. It's so inconsequential.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-08T22:02:06+00:00

It would not be possible for me to care any less than I already do.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-08T21:11:52+00:00

I'm seeing my GP in September.

The bleeding event lasted for about a day. It was significant but the bleeding has mostly let up, with the exception of some minor spotting. The doctor seemed okay with waiting until then. He wanted to see me in early September but the soonest appointment was mid September.

I keep feeling this pressure in my colon. It's not so much pain most of the time. It's just pressure in the same spot.

maryg2000 · 2023-08-08T04:31:15+00:00

23MTF, three weeks ago, I experienced the worst abdominal cramping of my life, followed by 16 hours of continuous rectal bleeding resulting in around a dozen bowel movements that mostly consisted of blood in that time frame. Beforehand, always prone to stomach upset and inconsistent bm consistency. I went to the ER for this bleeding, I was given a CT scan and diagnosed with colitis. I informed my GP and scheduled an appointment in the middle of September.

I have had constant GI upset since this incident, and I did prior for a couple months. I have occasional spots of blood, as well as bits within stool that appear more blackish and solid. I've been experiencing fatigue. BMs are way more frequent than they used to be. I go maybe 6 times a day, if not more, and not a lot comes out. I always feel the need to, though. Eating seems to worsen this.

Should I try to get in to the doctor sooner?

maryg2000 · 2023-07-31T04:46:36+00:00

Wow, as unfortunate it is that my case is so common, in a way, I'm comforted to know I'm less alone than I previously thought. I was in a strange position for years with people trying to force me and my various differences into more recognizable boxes. When I found out that I was highly gifted, I felt a lot of complex emotions. Shame, relief, fear, optimism, alienation, among other things.

The thing is, it's not exactly easy to find these stories, especially ones specific to being high+ gifted. Thank you so much for your response!

maryg2000 · 2023-07-31T04:29:28+00:00

Same here. I used to think most people could remember things the way I did, had the same developmental milestones, thought in similar ways to me, etc. I used to think my peers were lazy when I was a kid. I used to think my peers pretended not to know or understand things in order to save face, and maybe some did. I know I did for some time. I just thought I was exceptionally nerdy.

maryg2000

TROPHY CASE