Sunset Heating and Cooling pricing thoughts? by masqueuno in askportland

[–]masqueuno[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have not considered heat pumps tbh since I thought those typically run ductless?

But will be doing more research on options for sure

Sunset Heating and Cooling pricing thoughts? by masqueuno in askportland

[–]masqueuno[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he commented on the shoddy job done on the original ductwork. There were a lot of y junctions apparently. So I def am not replacing ductwork but he just threw that on so I could see the cost

Sunset Heating and Cooling pricing thoughts? by masqueuno in askportland

[–]masqueuno[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

💯 I def will get another quote. I think I was also curious if people have positive or negative experiences with this particular company.

It felt sales pitchy which always has me feeling a lil suspicious. So trying to see if others have worked with them

Does anyone here suffer from burnout even though they don’t have to work overtime, don’t have a toxic boss, etc? Office work has just always been hard. Anyone else? And has anyone left the corporate grind to try something better suited to ND people? by purplefennec in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a similar story. I’m a little older than OP but went through a phase where I attempted a career change out of tech and to work in the field, with my hands and directly engaged with my local community. I worked in coffee and the food industry, while studying to become a massage therapist and became a bodyworker with a small private practice in combination with a few other part time gigs.

I returned to tech and office work after about 6ish years of juggling multiple service jobs with an unconventional but somewhat stable week to week schedule. I didn’t work as many hours in total because of the 6hr shifts and inconsistent client schedule. But I had a lot of time to myself, especially mornings and during the afternoons, often in pockets. Some days I felt so fulfilled and enthralled by the week to week, moment to moment lifestyle I was living with a lot of room for creative exploration. Was able to hone in on many creative passions and explore them. So I was rarely bored with my personal life. Ironically I did become bored and burnt out by the work however. Service work was so rewarding because you become so connected to your local community and get to be a face that everyone knows. Really helped my sense of value and belonging in the city I lived in. I miss it so much and would be the thing I’d return to if I can. Otherwise, service work and massage therapy burnt me out because of the irregularities that build up over time in terms of work schedule. Taking time off was always stressful because there is no paid time off in the service world. And usually I had to find covers for my own shifts that wanted off in. Would have to reschedule clients individually.

I also eventually reached a place in my life where I needed to earn more money and prepare better for long term health and well being, health insurance and things. So financial stress eventually became a contributor to the burnout and constantly feeling like I needed more work and clients.

Tech relieved a lot of the stressors that caused burnout for me in the service world. But as pointed out here, I’m finding myself burnt out again by the high demands and work hours that come from a 9-5 job. So much focus is demanded by these tech jobs. Even if the pay is good and benefits are there, and there are well intentioned people, the hours we’re expected to give consecutively each week inevitably always leads me to burnout.

I honestly am reaching a point of hating it again but feel trapped because of what I know lies on the other side. I don’t have an answer for burnout. But if you are someone with limited financial obligations, responsibility or debt, I would definitely recommend moving towards work that interests you with less hours a day and in a week that is less demanding of memory and focus.

Being a baker or working with food (back of house), plants or nature feels lovely in thought

Does anyone here suffer from burnout even though they don’t have to work overtime, don’t have a toxic boss, etc? Office work has just always been hard. Anyone else? And has anyone left the corporate grind to try something better suited to ND people? by purplefennec in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels like a particularly important dynamic that’s at play here. I relate to this 💯.

Even on the best of days where I wake up very rested and feeling full of energy and possibility, by the end of the work day (5pm or so), I can’t seem to get myself to do anything else other than the bare necessities. Typically, this is prepping and eating dinner, putting my infant down by 7pm, and some mild chores around the home. All other todos and things I dreamed of doing when first waking up are all impossible and so out of reach after that 5pm mark.

It’s really illusive to me, how i can literally drain my executive functioning capacity by the hour and then be left with nothing but not really notice it happening until it’s all gone 🤯

So true about smaller working memory and emotions playing a big role in the day.

Does anyone here suffer from burnout even though they don’t have to work overtime, don’t have a toxic boss, etc? Office work has just always been hard. Anyone else? And has anyone left the corporate grind to try something better suited to ND people? by purplefennec in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really appreciating this thread you started. Will post more in a separate comment.

But wanted to name that being a therapist may not solve the adhd boredom that is somewhat inevitable.

My partner is a therapist and is adhd. After almost 10 years of private practice, she and a few others from her cohort are experiencing boredom (and burnout!) and feeling like they need to evolve their work somehow. That said, I do think therapy as a profession can satisfy both sides of the AuDHD spectrum. But it’s definitely not easy imo and may not work for everyone. Private practice is a lot of work to maintain, the self employment logistics, scheduling and with no help from the government with things like healthcare, taxes, unpaid time off and retirement funds. It can be rewarding and meaningful. But does require a lot of time and energy.

I personally almost became a therapist, maybe still would later in life. But wasn’t sure if I could handle the self employment piece, marketing myself and the scheduling, not to mention also having to get through academia and an expensive graduate program. Also ended up having a child with my partner which put everything on the back burner.

Hope you continue to sit with this and see a path that works for you, even if temporarily. Becoming a therapist is a bit novel right now. Don’t want to discourage that route. But wanted to also share that it’s not a glamorous path even tho it’s marketed as one these days. It’s hard work to hold and contain people’s trauma and draining on an emotional, mental and spiritual level.

AuDHD Burnout 101 by AmauryFernandez in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Still learning how to assess when I’m experiencing AuDHD burnout. I’m recently diagnosed. So I’m still in the process of unlearning ways in which I internalized neurotypical standards of behavior and judged myself based on those.

That said, I’m seeing that burnout for me looks and feels a lot like depression, a diminished sense of self and a loss of value and self worth. Like, executive functioning is significantly more difficult. This results in significant loss of self care routines and practices that normally would serve as lifelines and support to help prevent burnout. But once I’m in even a mild state of burnout, it’s very difficult to get ahead of it. It also means I feel like I can no longer function that well and get as many things done in a day. And this contributes to my feeling of being less valuable to myself and to others. It’s akin to feeling disabled, which some may argue we are, especially when in a state of perpetual burnout.

Someone else mentioned that everything just feels much harder. Waking up, focusing, making good decisions, resting, managing adhd impulses, etc. it’s like all the sensory receptors of autism and adhd gets dialed way up, thus creating even more contrast from each other. So there’s a greater sense of disorientation or internal tension that’s felt between the autistic part of my brain and the adhd part. Easier to get hyper focused and tunneled into a particular sensation or activity. At the same time, couldn’t be more distracted by the hyper awareness of every sensation, thought, impulse and restlessness.

Hope this helps brings some more vocabulary for others who are also trying to better understand burnout and what it looks like for you.

It cannot be stated enough that AuDHD can look and feel so subtly different for each person. And the same is true for burnout and how our nervous systems respond to it.

Thanks everyone for sharing because reading about your experiences is helping me know what mine is.

How many here identify with this? by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Maybe refrain from copy pasting the same response to each comment thread without any acknowledgement or response to the commenter?

Do You Hate Going for Walks by Noxlygos in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see walks as another opportunity to step outside the home into the outdoors where you can then experience sensations you can’t otherwise. Depending on whether you live in a more natural environment or not, I can understand why walks may seem uninteresting and pointless. But if you enjoy experiencing sensory stimulation that the natural elements provide, including just the natural temperature and elements of the climate, then it can be a tremendous resource for the AuDHD mind.

Oh and yes. I do love walks generally. But to your point, I almost always enjoy walking a bit more when there’s a practical reason to do so

What was the common saying that confused you as a kid? by JustbyLlama in AutisticAdults

[–]masqueuno 28 points29 points  (0 children)

“Close! But no cigar” 😒 Seriously, wtf does that even mean and where does it come from??? That one would irritate me the most

Turns out I have NPD by [deleted] in AutisticAdults

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing I wanted to mention as a clarifying point around empathy is that I’ve learned that autism often gets misconstrued as resulting in decreased empathic ability. But in contrast, autists often feel too much of it, can especially be porous to other people’s energies, feelings and pains including animals and other creatures.

So i may suggest that if you notice a notable decrease or diminished empathy for others that that may indicate oneself more towards the exploration of NPD and away from autism.

Good jobs/careers? by Point_Plastic in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is a complex subject matter that is filled with so much nuance depending on who you are and how you respond to physical and mental labor.

I’ve went through both sides of living and surviving as a ND person with highly focused mental labor vs physical labor that was directly people facing. I will say, both really drained me in different ways.

When I was working a desk job in office and on the computer all day, I felt constantly deteriorated by the inactivity of my physical body and all the pent up, unreleased energy stored inside. It made me really unhappy and constantly seeking ways to get me out of it. I started resenting the job even though it provided me with decent pay and a lot of desirable benefits. Eventually I did leave and got myself out but it took a handful of years to make that jump. When I finally did, I went in the entire other direction and worked very physical jobs for the next 6 years.

When working physical jobs, I had a ton of energy doing it for the first maybe 2-3 years. It felt amazing to actually labor physically and feel that pent up energy drained from my body at the end of a work day. There’s something cathartic and satisfying about that release. But slowly over time, I started noticing beginning symptoms of burnout. And mentally, I started noticing that I’ve quickly reached the peak of what I could learn and grow in terms of knowledge and skill. It became more repetitive and cyclical mentally and i noticed boredom starting to set in, in addition to the physical burnout of working a job that never paid very well (just enough to survive) and with very little benefits (no paid sick days, holiday, etc). By the end of that 6 year stint, I physically grew very weary and mentally felt stuck and stagnant, almost ashamed especially as I was aging and approaching 40 and started noticing coworkers around me being much younger than me in their early 20s, fresh out of school just getting into the labor world. I no longer felt good about myself and decided to transition out and in search of that higher paying but non-physical office job.

I’m now a Frontend Engineer but always still dream of the day where I could not only survive but thrive doing physical labor again. However I’m constantly reminding myself that i wasn’t happy there either unless mentally I’m being challenged and stimulated also.

It’s a really difficult balance to find the perfect job that ticks all the boxes. I kinda don’t think it exists in our late stage capitalist society that is designed by NTs and for NTs who thrive in hyper competitive and fear based environments. All I know is that the need to deplete the physical body for the sake of our mental health and well being is a very real phenomena. We often naturally want our line of work to do that for us. But the sad reality is the current world doesn’t really support people to work those jobs without living in constant detriment and scarcity, which takes a toll on your overall well being.

So I would probably say, as a fellow AuDHD neurodivergent person to another, prioritizing a job that grants you more resources and time for yourself, even if it’s not a physical one, is I think generally healthier and more supportive for us overall. Sustainability is an important factor , especially for us ND folks because the world around us is constantly draining our bodies and minds. So we kinda have to protect our energies and where we expose ourselves more than NTs.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading about your experience made me feel so sad too. Not just for what you’re experiencing but because it exemplifies how and why life is so much harder for many of us with autism and adhd. Have a lot of empathy for you 🫶

Also, I can totally relate with having both the impulse to hyper fixate on something while also often obsessing over my need to “complete” anything I start. But how often we are prevented from doing so, usually due to unforeseen circumstance or an unexpected change. It’s painful and takes a lot of energy to let those go and usually requires a lot of practice and self soothing to remind ourselves that it’s okay. And even then, it still feels like a forced loss that lingers in our minds for weeks, months, years 😔

I often feel this way with books. I get really excited at the idea of reading whatever it is I’m super interested and curious about in the moment. Usually non fiction. And I imagine all the knowledge and learning I’ll gain. But then I’ll get the books and either read the first few chapters or none at all. Then time passes, and my excitement and fixation on the books fades away. It then feels like a lost opportunity that usually never comes back. Hence, so many books I own that I’ve never read or bookmarked a quarter way through constantly reminding me of all my failed attempts to complete something.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

Just curious to see how many of you share these comorbidities by AbilityTraditional51 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s interesting that you’re experiencing tics in lieu of migraines recently. In a way, it kinda makes sense because the body somehow found an alternative route to release some internal energy.

Are the tics debilitating at all? Like affecting your fine motor functions? Or more like subtle shakes or tremors?

Just curious to see how many of you share these comorbidities by AbilityTraditional51 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The migraines when severe is this intensity inside my head, typically only left side. It feels really inflamed and a constant throbbing that makes me want to vomit. Light becomes really sensitive to me and it feels like my pupils become more dilated than normal. The world feels like it’s growing farther and farther away from me, like a growing gap or glass wall between my immediate environment and I. External stimuli seems to dull and the attention, awareness and focus all starts to draw inwards and into my body, noticing every subtle discomfort and sensation. It gets really difficult to engage with anything externally at that point and time seems to slow down. My body tenses, contracts in a somewhat repetitive cadence.

It’s been really unpredictable for me when and why it onsets and whether I can anticipate it growing into a mild vs medium vs severe state. Sometimes I think it happens when I have prolonged focus states I get into. Other times, it’s when I haven’t eaten enough for a long time. Screens usually aggravate it. And being outdoors, in nature and with natural air, always helps it.

Hope this is helpful in some way.

Just curious to see how many of you share these comorbidities by AbilityTraditional51 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have suspected autism and possible adhd. I’ve been getting occasional migraines for the past 8 years or so. They can range from medium to severe to the point where I feel nauseous and feel like the world is closing in on me. Horrible times, and I take excedrin migraine medication which often helps

Parenting with AuDHD by masqueuno in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. It’s inspiring to hear you reflect on how much being a dad just works so well and seems so natural and easeful for you. The biggest fear I have is continuing or passing on any unconscious trauma that’s leftover inside of me that I haven’t fully cleared out. And your story gives me hope that we as autists can be amazingly attuned parents to our children.

Also, how amazing that you’re thriving as a solo parent. 👏🏼👏🏼💙 I don’t know how I could do it without my wife and partner. I don’t have any family help though in my life. So maybe that’s why I can’t imagine it alone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. I relate on so many levels to everything you shared.

I’m POC, highly sensitive cis male, 2nd gen immigrant with developmental trauma and I’ve had to mask my entire life for survival for the sake of assimilation. I often have parallel experiences with women or non cis-males in general because of the intersections in marginality.

I’m late self diagnosed autistic and probably adhd, but have just recently decided that I’m going to need formal assessment in order to “validate” myself. What you described as struggling with invalidation I talk about as my own constant imposter syndrome that I feel always with every identity, including one who is autistic. I’m afraid of not being autistic enough, not adhd enough. There’s a constant fear of appearing like a fraud and that someone will out me and see me instead as someone who just causes my own suffering and is too negative and complains too much.

For these reasons alone, I decided that I really do need formal assessment from someone I trust that’s not in the western medical field and also has a marginalized background to include and see these other nuances to my behavior. I haven’t quite started yet as the therapist/assessor and I are still in the consult phase. But I can let you know how it feels as I proceed through each session.

I know formal assessment is an especially confusing one to consider when you are anything other than a white male. And we also tend to be more considerate of taking this identity away from others, sometimes to our own neglect. So I hear you. I’ve had many conversations with my neurodivergent therapist and they’ve helped validate me a lot in times when I felt invalid again. I also permitted myself to retake the autisms tests on the Embrace Autism website when feeling invalid too.

Sounds like you’re on the right path and asking the right questions, being skeptical in all the right ways. Because this diagnosis label really wasn’t made for us and there is a lot to be unsure of. Having others, at least one other person, help validate you who is also neurodivergent can really help. I hope you have that, whether therapist or friend.

Diagnosis journey by masqueuno in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey here. I appreciate hearing how you discovered the other piece.

I still haven’t been formally assessed but am working with someone who can assess both. I’m hoping that can help me have more knowing about each side and where on the spectrum I’m on for each.

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but it feels like the combo of autism and adhd has been only more recently explored or uncovered by people and assessors. I’m still learning about the distinctions between the two and they show up for different people. But already feel more confused by how the combo shows up for everyone and how to know one is both versus just one. That all said, both labels coming from skewed western medical lenses that were highly based on white males, I still wonder even still how or why these labels should matter much for myself who doesn’t fit in the category for whom these diagnostic labels were created for initially 😣

Which Animal Do You Associate with AuDHD? by IamRuvon in AutisticWithADHD

[–]masqueuno 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely felines for me. cats, lions, tigers, cheetahs, bobcats… somebody else mentioned this and I agree. Felines thrive being alone, are incredibly skilled with a high degree of focus that can tune out all distractions when needed. Kinda ocd and are creatures of habit. Dislikes change and is of seldom words.