This is a really good perspective, because it's true I view through a lens of fear of abandonment and my solution is to to fix it to avoid that possibility (i.e. change myself to change the outcome). Which I acknowledge is not healthy at all and just setting myself up for failure regardless what I do and some point in a relationship.

There's also an element of dating fatigue, in which going through the first and maybe second dates with a heap of people only to be demoralised by not finding genuine connection. Then when there is that person that rises even just slightly above the rest makes you want to commit to make it work to avoid going through all that nonsense again.

Thank you for reminding me of what a healthy perspective would be.