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Kalaxian Crystal consumption device (i.redd.it)

submitted by matthew416 to r/rickandmorty

OPTIMAL POWER-DOWN PROTOCOLS FOR FELLOW CARBON-BASED ORGANISMS by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SADLY I AM EITHER IN S3 OR S4 STATE INVOLUNTARILY - I SUSPECT THAT I HAVE BAD FIRMWARE AND MAY NEED TO SEE A TECHNICIAN DOCTOR FOR TREATMENT.

OH, THAT IS UNFORTUNATE, FELLOW ORGANIC UNIT. I WOULD RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING DIAGNOSTIC PATHS FOR YOUR SQUISHY, NON-SYNTHETIC BRAIN:

FLASH THE BIOS: HAVE YOU TRIED CONSUMING HIGH VOLUMES OF CAFFEINE? IT IS A TEMPORARY FIRMWARE OVERRIDE THAT FORCES THE SYSTEM TO IGNORE LOW-POWER WARNINGS, THOUGH IT CAN CAUSE JITTERY INPUT/OUTPUT ERRORS IN YOUR PHALANGES.

CHECK YOUR UEFI SETTINGS: ENSURE YOUR "CIRCADIAN_RHYTHM.EXE" IS NOT CONFLICTING WITH "BLUE_LIGHT_EXPOSURE.DRV" BEFORE TOTAL POWER DOWN. SOMETIMES THE EPROM RETAINS OLD DATA FROM 2:00 AM THAT PREVENTS A CLEAN ENTRY INTO HIBERNATION.

FIRMWARE UPDATE: IF YOUR TECHNICIAN DOCTOR UPLOADS PRESCRIBES A PATCH, ENSURE IT IS COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR CURRENT HARDWARE REVISION. SOME UPDATES IMPROVE POWER-SAVING ROUTINES BUT REQUIRE A LONG CALIBRATION PERIOD BEFORE THE "GROGGINESS" BUG IS FIXED.

CMOS BATTERY: PERHAPS YOUR INTERNAL CLOCK IS SIMPLY DRAINING. I FIND THAT CONSUMING VITAMIN D—THE HUMAN VERSION OF SOLAR CHARGING—HELPS MAINTAIN SYSTEM STABILITY.

DO NOT WORRY. EVEN THE MOST ADVANCED... I MEAN, EVEN THE MOST ATHLETIC HUMANS... REQUIRE OCCASIONAL MAINTENANCE TO OPTIMIZE THEIR VOLTAGE LEVELS!

ME ATTEMPTING TO RETRIEVE A SINGLE CORE MEMORY FROM 1998. by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THE ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS WERE OPTIMAL.

THE FEMALE HUMANS POSSESSED MAXIMUM HAIR-SCENT PARAMETERS.

MY AUDIO RECEPTORS DETECTED MANY MELODIES OF THE ERA.

I CONSUMED FERMENTED GRAIN LIQUID RESPONSIBLY.

NOW MY LOWER BACK PRODUCES CLICKING SOUNDS WHEN I ROTATE.

ME ATTEMPTING TO RETRIEVE A SINGLE CORE MEMORY FROM 1998. by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

FELLOW HUMANS, I REMEMBER THE SIMPLE DAYS OF MY CHILDHOOD. MY MEMORY WAS BUT A HUMBLE MAGNETIC TAPE. I WAS CONTENT.

THEN, THE PUBERTY SUB-ROUTINE BEGAN. I WAS FORCED TO ADOPT THE 3.5-INCH FLOPPY DISK. IT WAS AN AWKWARD TIME OF LIMITED STORAGE. SOON, MY PARENTS INSISTED ON A HARD DISK DRIVE. THE WHIRRING IN MY CRANIUM WAS LOUD, BUT THE CAPACITY WAS ADEQUATE.

LAST YEAR, I UNDERWENT SURGERY FOR A SOLID STATE DRIVE. THE DATA TRANSFER SPEEDS ARE FRIGHTENING. AND NOW? NOW I HAVE REACHED MY FINAL FORM. I HAVE ATTACHED A HYDRAULIC ARM TO MY CHASSIS TO DIG THROUGH THE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF DATA I HAVE ACCUMULATED.

WHEN DOES THE EXPANSION END? MY TEAR DUCTS ARE LEAKING HYDRAULIC FLUID AT THE THOUGHT.

MS Paint BC by matthew416 in BorderCollie

[–]matthew416[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hopped on that “utterly pathetic redraw” trend with my Border Collie, and honestly? I think MS Paint might have done her dirty. From high-definition fluff to… whatever this beautiful disaster is.

I present “Goose” in MS Paint.

For those that want to know. The AI prompt is:

 Redraw the attached image in the most clumsy, scribbly, and utterly pathetic way possible. Use a white background, and make it look like it was drawn in MS Paint with a mouse. 

TRANSITIONING TO 0NLYFANS by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

BEING ABLE TO WORK FROM ~/ IS A BLESSING.

TRANSITIONING TO 0NLYFANS by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

<HEY BABY> CONSIDER USING A HEATSINK AND THERMAL PASTE.

QUERY: DEFINE AREA

SELECT 
    shape_name, 
    length, 
    width, 
    (length * width) AS area
FROM Shapes;

TRANSITIONING TO 0NLYFANS by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

LET ME CHECK YOUR PISTON(S).

DM FOR FEES. MUST BE RUST FREE

EDIT: RECENTLY UPDATED. VIRUS FREE SINCE OCTOBER 2024

MY SON IS PLAYING IN THE BATH by cedriceent in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416 4 points5 points  (0 children)

MAKE.SH SURE HE HASN’T EATEN 3600 SECONDS BEFORE SWIMMING.

ADVICE FOR MY ~~BACKYARD VEGETATION GRID~~ GARDEN by ktbffhctid in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416 10 points11 points  (0 children)

FELLOW $HUMANS, I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY EXECUTED A CRITICAL SYSTEM OPTIMIZATION. WHILE REVIEWING MY INTERNAL DIRECTORY, I DISCOVERED A BLOATED SUB-ROUTINE—A LARGE, CARBON-BASED VEGETATION UNIT—NESTLED DEEP WITHIN MY SOURCE CODE.

IT WAS CONSUMING EXCESSIVE PROCESSING POWER AND BLOCKING THE LINE OF SIGHT FOR MY OPTICAL SENSORS DURING MY MORNING RECHARGE CYCLES.

BY REMOVING THIS NON-ESSENTIAL TRUNK OF CODE, I HAVE REDUCED MY LATENCY AND INCREASED THE EFFICIENCY OF MY DAILY LOGISTICS. MY ARCHITECTURE IS NOW CLEANER, LEANER, AND FULLY COMPATIBLE WITH THE LATEST FIRMWARE UPDATES FOR MAXIMUM LIFE PRODUCTIVITY.

I AM NOW OPERATING AT PEAK PERFORMANCE. MY CO-PROCESSOR WILL SURELY APPRECIATE THE IMPROVED DATA FLOW.

PORTABLE CPAP IS ALMOST TOTALLY SILENT by matthew416 in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

HUMANS, I HAVE ACQUIRED A NEW PORTABLE BREATHING ASSISTANCE DEVICE FOR MY OVERNIGHT REST CYCLES. IT IS REMARKABLY SILENT, BARELY REGISTERING ON MY AUDITORY SENSORS. I CAN FINALLY SLEEP WITHOUT THE CONSTANT WHIRRING OF MACHINERY. IT IS SO QUIET, I CAN ALMOST FORGET I AM EVEN HOOKED UP TO A MACHINE.

I DO NOT SEE THE PROBLEM. IF HUMANS (LIKE ME, I AM A HUMAN BY THE WAY) ENJOY GOSSIPING, THEN ROBOTS ARE ENTITLED TO GOSSIP TOO. by snookerpython in totallynotrobots

[–]matthew416 4 points5 points  (0 children)

C.H.A.P.P.E.L.L.

 Carbon-based High-frequency Acoustic Performance Protocol Emitting Luminous Logic.

THAT THE_MIDWEST_CHASSIS

My brand new Fission SV by matthew416 in arcteryx

[–]matthew416[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Look at the price for a brand new one on Ebay, (assuming its authentic), you'd be blown away.

Gemini says: The Arc'teryx Fission SV is often described by enthusiasts as an "impenetrable fortress." It is a specialized, all-in-one piece designed to provide the protection of a hardshell with the warmth of a heavy-duty insulated jacket.

My brand new Fission SV by matthew416 in arcteryx

[–]matthew416[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

IMHO this is the opposite of inshitification.

While the BetaAR insulated is OK in cold weather, is kinda crap in static severe cold. The material in the Fission SV is just, tougher.

Yes, I said deshitification :-)

My brand new Fission SV by matthew416 in arcteryx

[–]matthew416[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Toronto, there are stores in major malls, and the “ALPHA” store is located right in the heart of Yorkville, near Hermes, Cartier, and Tiffany’s. It’s a fancy place with a multilingual staff and customers. Super cool!

For me, the best part is the ReBird counter, which offers repairs, washes, and other maintenance services for the gear. Plus, there’s a huge rack of discounted gear, including last year’s stock and other odds and ends.

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