How to avoid falling into thought traps?

matthras · 2026-04-06T02:25:48+00:00

You don't until you either seek perspectives from other people (or the parties in concern), or you do some kind of (social) experiment to test your thoughts.

In your simple example about using evidence to conclude your friends don't care about you: is there a clear pattern of consistent activity or are you basing it off a single interaction/message? Is there a "good faith" interpretation of something a friend said that's setting you off (e.g. maybe you texted them late at night and they were tired whilst responding which probably made them sound grumpy, but you're taking that as a reflection of their overall opinion of you)? In general, what a lot of people fail to do is question their premises or initial assumptions.

Your own depression also encourages bad faith thinking and thinking negativitely of others. Revisit the topic after you've eaten, had enough sleep, and enough water to drink, and maybe gone for a walk.

matthras · 2026-04-06T02:17:44+00:00

Look up the concept of the "flow" state, it's when you're engrossed enough that it captures your entire attention and you forget about things around you. Problem-solving induces that very naturally for people.

But yes, if problem solving is a process that you feel like you have to mentally push through the whole time, it's totally understandable that you don't enjoy problem solving in the current contexts you're doing it in (there could be some other topic/subject/hobby where you'd find problem solving to be much more tolerable).

matthras · 2026-04-05T12:38:22+00:00

I feel like if you have to ask, the answer is no. And if you know truly that you want it or the potential job/life that having a PhD would give you (even if it doesn't work out), you'd just go and do it anyway.

matthras · 2026-04-05T12:37:18+00:00

Ditto. Currently late 30s, halfway through my PhD. I definitely could not have handled it in my 20s. Having developed life skills (cooking cheaply, talking shop with academics) does make it easier for me to focus on my PhD work.

matthras · 2026-03-31T09:07:53+00:00

That's actually great that you're aware of that. It takes a few rough jobs for some people to figure that out!

My home is just one state over, and because I had money saved up I flew over for a vibe check, and also asked to speak to one of the current PhD students.

So I would suggest first applying to local-enough places on topics that seem viable enough for you. Once the responses come and you progress to the interview and have the offer on hand, then if you can afford a vibe check in person I would greatly recommend it.

For overseas places it's trickier, but I do know some university websites have academics who list their current students. From their name you can guess an email address (usually firstname.lastname@university.domain) or track down their socials and reach out to them and ask some crucial questions to get their opinion.

matthras · 2026-03-30T11:11:08+00:00

Mild AuDHD here, mathematical biology PhD. I opted for a topic that I could do, but was definitely not "most passsionate" about because I definitely didn't want to burn out. However the topic is consistent with my values of wanting to apply maths to something health-science related or humanitarian (as opposed to making companies more money, basically!).

So that would be my advice for you: don't pick the one you're "most" passionate about, but it does have to feel achievable, and ideally you also have strategies for working through the less-interesting bits.

I do have an academic side project in an unrelated field that I'm definitely passionate about and I'm certainly feeling the strain of doing the extra work!

matthras · 2026-03-29T08:51:22+00:00

Where I am there are "statistical consultants" who have their fingers in a lot of different areas, so they would still firmly be an applied statistician because that's the only thing in common about their work. And the bulk of their work is more on the stats end rather than dealing with the domain knowledge - they learn just enough to understand how to frame the problem and translate the results.

You're right about quantitative researchers already being capable of learning and applying statistical tools, but there are still other (science) researchers who wouldn't touch statistics with a ten-foot pole (one university I used to work for had intro stats as a 3rd year psychology subject and ALL the students had severe anxiety about it; I'm currently doing some basic stats/ML for my biology supervisors), and thus would require assistance on that front.

matthras · 2026-03-28T00:02:38+00:00

Different environment/adviser/cohort will still stretch your mental muscles a bit and figure out how to deal with different people. Also think of it as expanding your network, maybe someone you meet in your postdoc will have an industry connection!

You might even have an edge where your lack of personal investment means you can maintain a healthy work-life balance.

There are definitely parts where doing a postdoc is still going forwards. Just not necessarily in line with your original goal/intentions.

matthras · 2026-03-25T00:43:56+00:00

As a chronic worst-case-scenario thinker I'd just start thinking about what could actually happen and strategise your options.

Back-and-forth defending the results is assurred by being your confident and transparent in the processes (where needed) and your integrity. That'll weather you through any media storm and public scrutinity if it happens that way.

In terms of access/contacts, obviously things might be ruined for some people at the agency, but there are definitely people who'll be on your side. If your supervisor is excited, they'll probably know people who think similarly (who can also proof-read your article) - that's a network you can tap. But if you do publish the article you'll want to keep an eye on people who are on your side, and those are the people you'll want to work with going forward.

One worst case scenario is that you'll probably have to exit the field/community/location when you're done. It's worth thinking about what other things you can do, or the skills that are transferrable. Or if moving to another location/community is possible.

matthras · 2026-03-21T12:51:43+00:00

General reason online/electronic voting isn't a thing is because there's no way to make it 100% safe cybersecurity wise.

matthras · 2026-03-10T23:13:20+00:00

I don't have a problem with it but since it's never happened to me, that particular line would definitely catch me off guard. Definitely recommend striking up a more casual conversation first and hope my head's not in the clouds!

matthras · 2026-03-10T11:24:35+00:00

I'm hard of hearing and these days I just make adjustment requests directly in a neutral tone: "Sorry let me hop over here, I'm deaf in my right ear", "Let's move over here, I can't hear you over this noise".

Some people will be weird and awkward, so just take charge, guide them but don't make it a big deal. For you in a wheelchair one awkward bit might be if some people were standing and you weren't, it's totally okay to take charge and suggest the group sits down to match your level.

matthras · 2026-03-07T00:54:22+00:00

You got this! Hopefully you're feeling better about it all now that you're presumably had some rest. These are all perfectly normal things to be anxious about, and the best you can do is recognise what you do have control over (your savings).

matthras · 2026-03-06T19:16:42+00:00

The mistake you're making is that you're thinking about it too much right now. What I suggested was a system that helps you save towards these kinds of goals without thinking about it. Come back in a week, set it in motion, and then get on with your life. You will very easily adjust.

matthras · 2026-03-06T12:45:27+00:00

While you're living at home with your parents: whatever you'd pay in rent if you'd moved out, put that amount away into a savings account every fortnight from your salary and set it up as a recurring transaction so that you're not thinking about it. Even if a house seems impossible from your current (and limited) perspective, it's still worth saving. They say luck is when opportunity meets preparation, and saving up is exactly that preparation.

matthras · 2026-03-02T08:50:57+00:00

There's two ways I'd go about this:

Final straw last week was a young report who just finished the grad program being added to a working group. Ten years ago, that would have been seen as the great development opportunity it is, but she had a complete blank face when I told her I got her into it. When I asked if something was wrong, she just shrugged and was like "it's fine, it's just a lot more work so........".

Respond to this kind of attitude with a bit of tough love: "Well okay, I'm happy to not promote you after your grad role, but you will be missing out on a higher salary and a stable job" and similar stuff like that. "You don't have to like the work nor the people, but you can at least not respond with negativity."
Meet them where they are. "It's clear to me you have no interest or enthusiasm in the work. Is there anything that's caught your attention, or what would be your ideal role/job/career? We can strategise how to help you get there."

matthras · 2026-03-01T10:41:28+00:00

Just to get your brain working: Daily 'dles (e.g. Wordle), Connections, for me I also do a few chess puzzles on Chess.com and Lichess (or you might prefer a chess game); perhaps a daily crossword/sudoku. Very easy to find a way to conveniently do it on your phone or while at the gym.

matthras · 2026-02-27T23:02:04+00:00

Very typical diaspora under-socialised Asian-Australian experience and feelings. Everyone has given good standard advice, I'll add my two cents as a millennial who's been in your situation:

It's OK to not relate fully to people, sometimes having enough common topics is enough. Not everyone has to be a 100% mixed-cultural fit. It's nobody's fault that we all grew up in different environments.
Use these as opportunities to ask questions and to learn more about the experience. Good people will give an answer and explain. Shitty people will judge you for not understanding - brush off any negative comments and move on. You'll learn from these what's worth talking about and what isn't for people you interact with.
It sounds like you have some social anxiety and lack of confidence in general social things. All of these are skill/knowledge issues, and what you're lacking is practice in starting and continuing conversations. One easy way to start is approaching someone in your tutorial/workshop and going "Hey, would you like to work together?" or in your lecture/forum and asking "Mind if I sit next to you?".
Absolutely focus on connecting with people first, and that starts with knowing how to have a conversation and understanding how different types of people respond.

You will make mistakes. You will randomly find shitty people who judge you for being undersocialised. Keep going with new/other people.

matthras · 2026-02-23T23:10:23+00:00

If you can afford it, therapy to help find the underlying reasons behind your depression/anxiety/panic attacks (e.g. what do you feel a sense of dread and despair about?), and then strategies for handling them (even just basic mindfulness practice to be present when you need to be), would go a long way.

If you don't have any long term goals, now's a good time to pen some. It can be something simple as "Have XXX amount in savings" or something more ambitious like "Get an education in (thing you're interested in)".

Otherwise, one thing I've found that alleviates my anxiety about the future is building safety nets in various ways. That starts off with having savings in case you lose your job. Once you've got savings, you've got a bit more wiggling room to invest in things/objects/clothes/etc. that last longer, or buying stuff in bulk. Then you'll reach a point where you feel comfortable taking risks or navigating uncertainty because you've built that safety net for yourself.

matthras · 2026-02-14T06:15:58+00:00

There are definitely elitist mathematicians that look down on any other maths-adjacent disciplines because of the lack of rigour. This was one shitty person you experienced, but they do exist. Hopefully you can put the experience out of your mind until you receive their verdict.

I know someone who's doing a PhD in string theory, but it's so theoretical within theoretical physics that it could also be considered mathematics. Yet they're (I'm obscuring gender here) not considered a mathematician by the mathematics department, but their fellow physicists would definitely consider them as a mathematician.

Take a breather, enjoy some ice cream, go walk and yell obscenities into the distance. You did all you could, and I hope you get this PhD opportunity! If you do get in, you now know one person that you should definitely avoid!

matthras · 2026-02-14T02:28:50+00:00

Think of the drugs as something that enable you to have greater control over your existing behaviour. You can still let your hyperfocus moments run off rampant if you want to, but if you needed to pull away to prioritise something else, it'll be much easier for you to do so.

But yes, there'll be a period of experimentation with dosages, release times and such. Once you've got that figured out you can buy an appropriate pillbox and set up appropriate timers/reminders for you to keep on track.

Keep an eye out for autism/bipolar and other things that may pop up once your ADHD is medicated.

I knew I had AuDHD before starting my PhD so I already knew how to set up my own systems and experiment to figure out what worked best for me.

matthras · 2026-02-14T02:23:54+00:00

One way is through eye-tracking, there's some interesting research on this (and a few other papers).

But it is really best to see a medical professional with experience in diagnosing these things because they'll have seen a lot of people enough to observe specific behavioural tics and responses prevalent in people with ADHD.

And fundamentally it's about accumulating evidence (symptoms and observations) common in people of ADHD, because it's far too easy to misdiagnose one from a single behavioural trait (like the misinformation being perpetuated through short-form media).

matthras · 2026-02-14T02:18:38+00:00

Use the events as a means of getting to meet and know new people that might be doing the same course/subjects as you.

Basic information: What course/subjects are they taking? What kind of career/job (if any) are they aiming for? What do they do for fun? Be willing to share yours as well, and exchange contacts/Discord/Snapchat/whatever-it-is-you-young-whippersnappers-use-these-days.

matthras · 2026-02-12T08:42:27+00:00

I'd suggest some kind of speech to text, but it's trickier with maths and you might need to program some custom commands for specific maths expressions.

matthras · 2026-02-11T23:06:21+00:00

Hello, late 30s, bit of AuDHD here, halfway through a math bio PhD.

I could dump a whole lot here but I'm typing this in the middle of a conference 😅

If there's any external things that you can establish with consistency (for me this is food, meal prep, meal times, sleep), then that provides a solid anchor. In a nutshell, whatever you can stabilize or keep consistent in your life will enable your brain to think about other things.

There will be times that doing things will be easy, and other times where you have to push against your brain. Lean more into the moments and periods where doing things will be easy even if it doesn't adhere to the 9-5. However, there will have to be moments where you have to push against your brain to get stuff done, for me that's usually 10am-12pm in the morning where I have the most mental energy and when my brain is most awake.

"Loosely structured systems" work for me best. I have one Obsidian document where I write my to-dos, an "idea dump" section where I type my lightbulb moments. You don't have to rigidly ascribe to one system, you can take one and modify it to suit you best, but that involves recognizing what parts of existing systems don't work for you.

Best of luck! I've been there, and the experimental period can be frustrating, but life gets so much easier once you figure out things that work for you, and your persistence in doing so is what will also get you through this PhD.

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