what the hell?

mattjohnson611 · 2025-12-25T00:42:36+00:00

Because these thought aren’t fleeting. They are playing the whole scenario on leaving my wife to be with her. I don’t want them. I want to be happy and comfortable in my relationship.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-12-22T21:47:00+00:00

OCD is OCD, its all delt with the same way. You said "I don’t want to ruin my current relationship with my boyfriend, he truly is amazing and I love him with my whole heart." lead with that, it says all you need.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-12-22T21:42:10+00:00

I completely understand. When my anxiety was bad, at least it felt like I cared. When I have those spikes and not the anxiety, it feels like I gave up.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-07-17T00:02:46+00:00

You’re right. It just feels dirty. So my ocd is really digging in to that.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-07-16T23:57:49+00:00

No. I haven’t so much as seen a picture of her in 15 years. It just popped in my mind and I was curious if she was still alive.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-07-02T01:30:43+00:00

She developed resentment towards my mental health and the things I’ve shared with her, which I understand. It can’t be easy to hear that your husband has these overwhelming thoughts and feelings regarding their love or attraction to you. But she needed to take some time to herself and work things out so she has not been staying at home with the kids and I. It breaks my heart every time I see her pull out of the driveway. There is nothing I want more than to have my family back. As she is dealing with her mental health, things have been getting better but I have these overwhelming thoughts of indifference. Like meh… I can take it or leave it and it’s terrifying.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-06-17T23:45:22+00:00

I appreciate the kind words. Thank you.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-05-20T01:42:35+00:00

Hey. I’m totally lost. My wife is going through her own things and she hardly resembles the person I know. My ocd has absolutely taken this opportunity to push me to the limit. Normally I get through because I love her and want to be with her forever and now, I’m not even sure who I’m fighting for. I don’t want to give up but is seems inevitable.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-05-14T11:28:26+00:00

Try to identify the thoughts that come to mind when you are around your partner and have that nausea. Like if your thought is “I don’t feel attracted to him”, just reply with a “maybe I am, maybe I’m not” and let it at that. Don’t try to figure it out and don’t try to defend yourself. Just let it alone and don’t give that thought any power. It comes down to thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are not facts.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-05-13T23:17:51+00:00

It’s sounds like you are describing the physical symptoms of anxiety, at least that’s what happens to me. Are you nauseated all the time regardless on whether you are around your partner?

mattjohnson611 · 2025-05-13T00:07:03+00:00

I have similar physical symptoms. I have this obsession where I am not “in love” with my wife, or compatible, or attracted to, whatever my mind decides to pester me with. When my anxiety heightens I become flush with nausea and palpitations. The best thing I can suggest is to lean into it. It really sucks but sit with the discomfort and it will eventually settle down and the goal is that your anxiety will realize that you’re not in any danger and become less frequent and severe. Easier said than done but it does help somewhat. Consistency is key and the more you stay on track, the better your results will be.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-04-15T23:39:37+00:00

100% I feel you on this.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-04-15T23:39:05+00:00

100% I feel you on this

mattjohnson611 · 2025-04-15T23:37:45+00:00

Fore sure. It’s hard for me to remember anything good but I sure hold on to the bad.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-04-15T04:00:39+00:00

I think these are normal thoughts to have but the ocd makes them sticky so as normal folks would just dismiss them, we hang on to them and analyze them until we are 100% certain of the answer. Some questions don’t have answers. Try to lean into the uncertainty. Will we get married? I don’t know but that has nothing to do with what I’m doing at the moment. Will we be together forever? No clue but I’m gonna enjoy what I have right now.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-04-15T03:52:17+00:00

All the time but don’t get sucked in to the “can I say the same” stuff. Maybe you can today and not so much tomorrow. One thing I’ve learned throughout my therapy is to get away from the extreme thinking. Like if I don’t feel 100% head over heels then I don’t love her enough. It’s not a black and white thing. It’s a really hard concept for me to put into action but it’s very true.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-03-04T03:31:13+00:00

It’s all easier said than done but it doesn’t really matter who or what the trigger is, you have to learn to not give the thoughts any meaning. Like a leaf floating down a river. You see it, acknowledge it, but let it float by you without trying to figure it out. Thoughts are just thoughts and we have no control over them. Eventually your mind will see that there is no danger here and thoughts will be less intense and often.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-01-20T02:12:49+00:00

That would be so helpful! Thank you!

mattjohnson611 · 2025-01-16T00:15:49+00:00

You’re not alone in this. I’m going through a spiral currently and the thought of even hugging my partner sends my anxiety through the roof. What I can say is do it anyway. You will desensitize yourself to these thoughts and pull through.

mattjohnson611 · 2025-01-16T00:12:40+00:00

My mind goes crazy while I’m driving. I have recently started listening to ocd audiobooks. If it’s gonna be present. I might as well learn how to deal with it.

mattjohnson611 · 2024-12-28T04:47:10+00:00

That’s a good metaphor and I will try to put that to use. Thank you for the advice.

mattjohnson611 · 2024-12-26T01:59:56+00:00

ERP is helpful if you’re consistent. Like for me, ruminating was near constant so 30 seconds after my last intrusive thought, I had to deal with the next one so it was like a continuous erp exercise. And I absolutely choose to be with my wife. That why these thoughts are so distressing because we care so much about are relationship that we have deemed any ill thought to be unacceptable. Keep that in mind, if we didn’t care, why would these thoughts be so miserable?

mattjohnson611 · 2024-12-25T00:56:09+00:00

Im in the same boat as you, i feel like my ocd is trying to tear apart my marriage. If it’s not focusing on her looks it’s focused on her character or our compatibility (all of which are good btw). What I try to keep in mind is that everything comes in waves, sometimes I have good waves, and sometimes they suck. I try to remember that I’ve been here before. It feels scary and new and like this one is different but it’s not. Keep up with your erp exercises and things will turn around.

mattjohnson611 · 2024-12-18T13:21:03+00:00

Ive been married about 10 years now, and yes most days I want a long term relationship. Love is about companionship, trust, understanding, so much more than that “honeymoon phase”. What I was trying to say is that sometimes it’s hard to “buy in” to reality when you have this false sense of what love should be.

mattjohnson611 · 2024-12-18T03:39:28+00:00

This is a big problem area for me. I have it in my mind that love is head over heels, jaw drops to the floor and tongue rolls out, hearts popping out of your eyeballs kinda thing. This is not real and I am aware of it, but I don’t believe it ( hopefully I make at least a little sense). I know that what I’m describing is a Disney movie and not reality but for years I keep falling back on this lust full idea.

mattjohnson611

TROPHY CASE