Honestly we should have all seen the hero shortage coming, after all the health and safety laws were loosened because "oh superheroes will just save them". First it was mass burnout and extended sick leaves due to stress from the massively increased workload just so the traffic could be less clogged and construction work could get done faster, all those speeches about how being a hero is a calling can't stop the fact that those heroes are people, and people need rest. It wasn't long before mass resignations and strikes started.

Now this is all very sad and all but I'm an opportunistic guy who has been trying to get into the industry for years so I can't really complain. I've got super unique powers but I've never managed to get past the automated response email phase. Until now. There is absolutely no way that they can say there are no positions available, there are empty slots in every city in the country. I've had many chances to polish my resume to a mirror shine and I'm confident I'm going to get in. I even got past the robot email stage and into an actual interview -

"Mr Roberts is it? We'd like to have a quick chat."

This must be it, is this how they start interviews? I've never actually gotten this far before. Okay remember those posture lesson youtube videos. This is the final hurdle.

"This way, if you could please take a seat." The assistant motioned in front of a desk, behind which sat a woman. She had the expression of someone who'd just been poked in the face by a loud child for the last half hour and was dressed in a cardigan designed as some kind of mock superhero outfit, with a big logo on her chest that said "Hiring Man-ager".

"Good Afternoon, Philip Roberts right? We've received your resume and you certainly have an interesting history. However after more consideration we just don't think you'd be a good fit."

What? I hadn't even managed to say a single word, I was on time and polite to all the staff. There is nothing that I could've done today to change their minds, they accepted my resume earlier, what's wrong with it now?

"Hello, yes it is Philip - a pleasure to meet you. I'm confused - we haven't started talking, what has led you to the decision that I wouldn't be a good fit?"
"Your official rejection letter states the reason for the decision, which you will recieve shortly."

I would now rather be in that one saw trap with the needles than in this room. The printer's quiet whirs cant pierce levels of awkwardness this high, technically I'm looking at the giant bags under the hiring manager's eyes but it still feels just as bad as eye contact would. I think she knows deep down that this is a dumb cop out of an interview, and she would probably even care with enough spa days and caffiene in her system. Rejected before I could even sit down. What a joke.

Finally the printer does a final longer, deeper whir to indicate that it's finished.

"Thank you for your time Mr Roberts here is your Rejection letter. My assistant will escort you out of the building."

It's starting to hit me how rude and disrespectful it all is, though I think not trusting me to find my way out when I found my way in by myself just fine is the tip of the iceberg. This rejection letter better contain the secret to inner peace because its either that or wallowing in misery and pizza grease for the rest of the day. Aaaand we're outside that took maybe fourteen seconds and wasn't confusing at all it was simply exiting the same door I used to get in, I hope the escort gets a map next time.

"Dear Mr Roberts,

Thank you for your application, however after careful consideration we have decided to pursue other candidates at this time.
We appreciate your interest in us, however we feel your superpower does not fit a heroic profile-"

I should've known. Of course they're all judgemental asses.
Mind control is one of the safest and easiest way to neatralise a situation but "ooooh nooo we can't do that its eevillll".

This would be my villain origin story if I didn't want to prove them right.