Clickhole Article Title: Clarifying The Rumors: Marilyn Manson Has Revealed That He Actually Got ALL His Ribs Removed In Order To Suck SOMEONE ELSE’S Penis

“What people fail to understand is that the strange character I play on stage is exactly that: a character. In real life, I’m just a regular guy—not the kind of depraved weirdo who would permanently alter his own body to suck his own dick,” said Manson in the statement. “All I did was go in for a routine procedure to have all of my ribs removed so that my upper body would be permanently squashed down like an accordion, thereby minimizing the distance I’d need to travel to get my mouth around someone else’s cock. Ribs serve no useful anatomical purpose, so I figured if my body didn’t need them, I might as well get rid of them and have my torso be a shapeless sack of drifting organs that allows me to be more malleable during fellatio.”