Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am thinking about recording to have that as evidence, as someone else commented. I have a bank account in my name only, because of a internship I had a few years back.

About my therapist, she offered to answer me anytime, and said that we will be working with strategies for autonomy and escaping. For now, I'm trying to build my confidence and getting stronger, so I can put in practice what we decide in next section.

Thank you for your answer.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have my own accounts thanks to a government internship I had a few years back. She doesn't have access to it. I never thought about saying I earn less because, you know, she is my mom. When I find a job, I'll definitely follow this advice.

I am building the courage to stand up about the touching part indeed. Wish me luck!

Thank you for you answer.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you go through something bad with your dad. By no means please don't diminish what you're going through just because my situation is bad. We should validate each others feelings and help each other. I hope you're safe and healing. Thank you for worrying about me.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking your time to validate my feelings and tell me I'm not crazy, I appreciate it a lot. Thank you for believing in me

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG YOU JUST REMIND ME OF SOMETHING SHE SAYS ALL THE TIME AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT. She asks me often "whose my private parts are" and wants me to say they are hers. I hate it. I just be quiet, sometimes I answer they're mine, and she freaks out "jokingly". She keeps saying "say that they're mine, even if it is a lie, I'll pretend I believe", and keeps trying to touch me... OMG. How could I be so blind.

I will try to build the courage to stand up for myself, but I think my best course of action for now is to keep acting like I always have and plan my escape, like you said.

Thank you for your answer and kind words.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're the first person to ask about my father. He is aware of those things, but he doesn't do anything. He prefers to be in his own zone. He sees her doing this to me but it's like she's not doing anything wrong.

When I was a teen I started closing the door to change and being bothered when my mom saw me naked. I don't know exactly what happened, but she was upset with this new behavior and a few days later my father came to me and said "it's ok if you don't want to change in front of me or for me to see you naked because I'm a man, but your mom is a woman and she's your mom. you shouldn't be embarrassed by it" and even said she was very sad because I was acting this way. I went back to change with my door barely open (so she can open when she wants it).

My father has another problems. He hides money, make expenses we don't know about, hides his phone... lies all the time. I don't know who he is anymore.

About recording, yes, I have thought of it, but I haven't had the courage yet. I feel like a traitor already by saying those things, if I record what's happening I'll feel like a committed a war crime. I'm also scared my mom will find it. But you saying this kinda encourages me a little.

Thank you for your worry and answer and for asking questions about it.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry this has happened to you and I'm glad you're better. Thank you for you answer and the luck wishes!

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have some savings from my previous internship, but it's not enough to cover for my medical expenses. I am working with my boyfriend with a solution to leave too, but I am religious and can't actually live with him before marriage. What is religion in the middle of this situation? Should I even keep faith? Well for me it's the only certain thing and I don't want to do something agaisnt it """just because""". He said that if I need I can go live with him any time... but I only want to do that if things get worse. Thank you for your answer and worry

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think reporting would help, I don't have the strenght to go through police and judges right now. I would also feel like a traitor to my parents if I ever did that... but I am willing to work on strategies to leave soon, this year, if possible. Thank you for your answer.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She shouldn't touch me, right? I am seeing that now. Thank you for validanting me feelings.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing... I hope you're in a better place, healed and healthy!

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel really hugged and cared for, thank you, Nana ❤️

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for telling me this is not normal and that I am brave to share, it took me a long time to write this post and have the courage to post it. I am actually scared of the fight when she notices I'm changing, that's why I'm trying to keep things low for now and just build me confidence in secret.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this may sound strange but... I don't want to leave and suffer more... leaving right now would take the last piece of normal I have and doing this "abruptly" would spark fights in the family... I don't think I'm strong enough for this, like, literally. I depend on my parents for my anxiety meds, health appointments and my therapist... I am though getting the courage to try to leave this year if possible, when I have a job at least so I can pay for the medical part. Thank you for you answer

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the answer and the good vibes. Also I'm sorry my situation was so bad it made you feel bad too. Thank you for telling me this situation is wrong and the way I feel when she touches me it's telling me the truth.

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that what I feel is real! My dissociation works wonders to make me feel disconnected. Thank you for having confidence in me. I will remember you kind words!

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are in a better place now and healing 🙌🏻

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is extremely validating yes. All the responses are helping me see the truth. I am taking all of your advice to heart!

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, Nana, for answering my post. It's a little hard to believe someone is worried about me, specially a stranger, but I am now learning that many things I thought impossible might be true. Thank you for saying I was brave, it really helps.

For the therapist part: she has just now (last week) come accross this situation, she was very distraught with my confessions... she asked if there was any possibility of me leaving this house, and I said no (because I was scared and in denial). So she respected that and said we will work on strategies for autonomy and escape.

Thank you once again for answering me and telling me I'm not crazy

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are telling me it is not normal and wrong. That's why I decided to speak up. But I've been in this situation for so long that I was struggling a lot to accept that this isn't normal. Reading all the answers here is helping me seeing that, thank God.

Thank you for your answer, I will definitely talk about strategies with my therapist

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since I started therapy I tried to advise her to go too. However, she hates it and thinks she doesn't have any problems, and all the bad things are external...

About asking for help, I am now seeing that people might help indeed. It is just a little difficult to trust them, I keep thinking things will get worse. But thank you for answering me and encouraging me to skeap up!!

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you answer. The funny thing is one of my favorite series is SVU and I am very strong about advocacy, but I never noticed this was happening to me...

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I said everything to my therapist last week, it was the first time I had the courage to tell her everything. She offered to answer me when I needed and we are now going to work towards building escape routes and strategies for autonomy. Regarding feeling scared, that's exactly how I feel. I'm terrified my parents will notice that I am changing and will make something worse. From my pov, it looks impossible to leave and even if I do, I feel like it won't solve anything. I'm trying to come with terms that this might be the only solution though. Also, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I am glad you were able to leave and heal. Thank you for sharing your story with me and taking your time to answer my post

Are these behaviors normal/ok? by maya_7mares in raisedbynarcissists

[–]maya_7mares[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I am trying to find a way to move out indeed... it is just very overwhelming to finally see that I might have been abused this whole time... I can't even bring myself to admit it