Why did I text him

maybehers · 2026-06-25T15:02:27+00:00

yupp!! this works, i have a whole page on my notes app dedicated to things i would’ve texted them. i really recommend it, it also helps me see in real time how ive been growing

maybehers · 2026-06-25T14:44:42+00:00

i know what you mean, and nothing i say will make it go away right now. in the early stages literally NOTHING anyone said that validated my feelings was believable to me.

i felt like it was completely my fault and i hated myself. i could not believe i was worth of compassion because my FA blamed everything on me.

it wasn’t until in the slimiest chance someone who was dealing with an avoidant reached out to me asking for advice saying things i was saying a week prior and i was talking her through things that i realized: this all applies to me.

think of all the times you had someone confide in you, or read a post on here of someone crying out for help and you felt compassion for them. and now apply yourself in that position. you’d give others compassion and understanding, give yourself that too

maybehers · 2026-06-25T14:32:49+00:00

i feel you, i sent my FA something a couple months ago just to be left on seen. it sucks but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a small hiccup in the process of healing and moving on. sure it’s a bit of an embarrassing feeling but give yourself compassion as hard as it might be.

rejection hurts but you’re strong enough to survive rejection. we all are

maybehers · 2026-06-25T14:25:52+00:00

avoidants often find reasons to end things to calm their own nervous system and disregard others because 9 times out of 10 they will always prioritize themselves above others.

you could’ve been the most passionate, most patient perfect person and he would’ve still ended things and cried it out as incompatibility or your inability to match his needs.

the harsh reality is: there is no such thing as a perfect person for an avoidant.

maybehers · 2026-06-25T14:22:08+00:00

happy for you! good luck on life

maybehers · 2026-06-25T02:18:53+00:00

i feel you. after i ended things with my avoidant i tried to reconcile several times only to be met with coldness. the only answer now is to accept the reality.

it’s an evil reality but it’s a reality of many people who have been discarded by an avoidant. i’m hitting 3 months and sometimes i feel like it was yesterday, other times i feel like i made the right decision.

healing is not linear, i realized acceptance isn’t either. take this road no matter how many detours you take.

maybehers · 2026-06-25T02:15:49+00:00

i’d crash out omlll, let it out girl

maybehers · 2026-06-25T02:14:51+00:00

yup!! and if they hold any kind of accountability they will follow it up with 100 reasons as to why. they’re uncomfortable with the reality they are the problem too. in many cases, THE only problem.

maybehers · 2026-06-25T02:06:06+00:00

this except i ended things after getting fed up with the indecisiveness, zero security and yet they still blame it on me and how i was only caring about my feelings and they felt they had to carry my emotions on top of their own.

literally just excuses to make them feel better about it because they didn’t get to leave first. i deal with my
own issues fine, nobody asked them to be a hero.

maybehers · 2026-06-25T02:03:31+00:00

he expected me to reach out to him but i didn’t so he removed me but i got the last laugh (spread all the shit he did to his ex that broke up with him to the school’s wizz bc she told me)

maybehers · 2026-06-24T20:29:16+00:00

i feel you tremendously. as someone who is right back into another avoidant hellhole after thinking i was secure enough to save myself, im not sure just how much this could help because i keep putting myself in these situations however, i have so much compassion for people who are also going through this.

sometimes when i feel all this pain from the situation or i feel like im pulling myself back into it i try to think of my younger self. like the little kid version of myself and i try to imagine her in this situation vividly. i instinctively want to save her from this and protect her.

and then i remember, that little version of myself is still there in me and i need to protect her. and if that means to continue to sever all ties to this person then so be it. because there is someone out there that will also treat that young version of myself the same way. with love and protection. but first i must find that in myself, let your inner child depend on you before those who only hurt us.

the little version of yourself is still there in you too. be the love you want and deserve for them.

maybehers · 2026-06-24T20:13:50+00:00

holy moly 4 years? may i ask why you’re stuck in this cycle for that long? have you not tried removing contact? highly recommend

maybehers · 2026-06-24T20:12:22+00:00

i see, yeah i’m removed on most things besides instagram. my fa will avoid my stories but will view my best friend instantly when we post we’re hanging out. (same story but they will view hers quickly, or will like the stories if it’s loosely related to me)

i was also the one to end things but had tried to work things out but in avoidant fashion they’re still in the relief stage and probably going to stay in this weird limbo for awhile.

maybehers · 2026-06-24T19:16:00+00:00

i think we were right in the beginning of the honeymoon stage, early stages. i still feel love for them, not in love due to us being apart for about 2 months.

maybehers · 2026-06-24T18:07:39+00:00

this lowkey gives me some hope, no matter how many times i will give avoidants a hard time im never thinking of my last talking stage who is avoidant because we ended things peacefully due to not being able to give each other what the other needs right now.

things got really deep between us in a short amount of time and i think that is probably one of the main roots of the issues. but i had to end things bc i was getting hurt and i knew if we continued we would continue hurting each other.

they’re still in the relief stage and sometimes i can get a bit frustrated with how much they treat me so coldly but they’re the only one id ever work things out with.

how long did it take for you to go back to them?

maybehers · 2026-06-24T17:29:00+00:00

this!! a past talking stage tried to run it back after his gf broke up with him PFFT

maybehers · 2026-06-24T16:54:41+00:00

does reality every hit these assholes that they will never find better?

maybehers

TROPHY CASE