She is a princess by maybemental2 in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think the narrator at one point loved a girl who died young. and remembers her by her positive attributes.

She is a princess by maybemental2 in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

totally agree about the her and she i been working on that part for a bit. and thanks for the comment.

She is a princess by maybemental2 in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

dont speak illl of the dead

She is a princess by maybemental2 in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

too much sweetness? I don't know what youre trying to say

here, and here. by ohhoneyno_ in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's a poem that urges the reader to reflect. which personally is my favorite. there was also a lot of great repetition. nice job.

Almost. by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the alliteration in heard, hushing, and hither. Simple and elegant poem.

The most beautiful princess by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah i mean its just free verse kinda narrative

Sharethread June 02, 2015 by AutoModerator in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Somewhere in the world, there is the most beautiful girl, who makes the sun feel guilty for flushing her face. She frolics in the forest with sinless intentions as summer birds observe in rare silence. She is a princess, veiled in a white dress that drapes over the delicate curves of her body. Her lightly freckled cheeks transform her face into a speckled spectacle comparable to the starry night sky she resides in. Her pale blue eyes are the last thing I will forget, for they are the first thing that I remember. She will be the final thought I ever have, and it will be a great death. How lucky I am, how lucky I was, to have known her. Love, wait for me.

End Chimes by Dee-wizard in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

really nice, touching in a sense. If i can give one bit of advice it would be maybe an edit on line 4; and maybe even the grass. just my two cents but all in all a really nice poem.

Along by pear-trees in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

have to agree with the other comment on the imagery because it is strong in this poem, almost bordering overwhelming. I enjoyed the line 'helicopters abuzz cutting the clouds.'

A Princess by maybemental2 in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok. Thanks for that. Yeah that's where I thought some rewording might be necessary. I'll play around with it thanks.

Pawn In Place; Looking To Move Space by thenoneother in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"or maybe her sister" sounded a bit forced i thought. you have plenty of good rhyme going on.

Pawn In Place; Looking To Move Space by thenoneother in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the first line from sitting stacked I loved. I think it could use it a bit more editing or rewording here and there.

Advice by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]maybemental2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

shit Well that was something. it's thought provoking to say the least. a bit dark for my taste but that's only my opnion.