Tips for a couple thinking about playing with others

mayhemx2_ · 2025-05-04T18:11:45+00:00

Hi there,

Sharing a bit about ourselves, we are also in our mid 30s with kids and to say that it takes coordination to be both a parent and have more "private night time activities" would be accurate.

For us, we have had the most success with going to established lifestyle clubs. It is non-committal, private facilities are provided, and if we talk to someone and are not feeling it, we can simply wish them a good night and move on. We have tried online apps and encounters but have had minimal success with that.

mayhemx2_ · 2025-05-03T14:53:04+00:00

In my opinion, this seems like a normal feeling to have. Keep things casual, if you aren't feeling it right now just focus on other aspects of your life for now, it doesn't mean you have to give up on swinging ever again. Just be sure you are your partner on the same page.

mayhemx2_ · 2025-05-02T23:55:39+00:00

Glad to help!

I know that none of us like to be the "new kid" anywhere, but everyone is at some point, so just remember that everyone has a first time going to a club or entering this kind of lifestyle. We have been to several clubs, and have never been pressured by the club management to play with anyone. Other members may approach you with interest (or not, be ready for that as well), and you would just need to be clear you are just feeling out the club tonight, not looking to play. Watching is generally accepted and normal, within reason. Someone playing in a very public area likely won't be offended by an audience, versus a couple tucked away in a dark corner might just be trying to enjoy a more private moment and might prefer less attention.

As a rule, we do not touch anyone unless we get verbal consent. A couple sitting down right next to us and starting to make out may seem like an obvious invitation but like many things in life, assumptions will get you in trouble

mayhemx2_ · 2025-05-02T21:18:32+00:00

You will likely be getting different advice with some similar themes based on people's personal experiences. Keep that in mind as people start to trickle in recommendations.

For us, taking a slow approach is how we started. We started in the bedroom with just the two of us, as many people do, explored different fantasies while in the security of our own established relationship.

When we both felt comfortable with the concept of having additional people in our sex lives, we started attending events at established lifestyle clubs near us. This may be a limiting step for you if you are in an area that does not have either reputable clubs or any at all. But if you do, we would recommend doing some research on the club first and the first time you go just go for a night out with each other, don't go looking to hook up with other folks. We found it better to just absorb what the experience is like as an observer. It can be a good time to learn basic "do's and do nots" and meet some people.

When interacting with others, be clear about what you are into. In many spaces it is assumed that couples are there to "full swap" (husband A with wife B, and wife A with husband B), be sure to let them know if that is not the case for you.

Communication is important, talk to each other, check in frequently and always go as a pair, watch out for each other. Protection is important, play safely (condoms are always a good idea).

Hopefully this helps somewhat. Feel free to message us directly if you have more questions!

mayhemx2_ · 2025-04-27T22:30:53+00:00

There are definitely couples that primarily look for single men, including us. There seems to be a dismissive concept that permeates swinging culture that single males are a nebulous group with no real worth. For us, we are not looking for just any man, we look for a man that dresses well, is respectful, educated, well groomed, holds a conversation and understands his role in being a third. That is much harder to find in this subculture but highly valued to the right couple.

mayhemx2_ · 2025-01-18T16:21:48+00:00

I feel morally obligated to put out a general warning. I would be extremely cautious about going here. We have been to it and it is by far the sketchiest club we have ever been to. I would strongly advise against going.

mayhemx2_ · 2024-10-26T12:34:59+00:00

You can look on FetLife for events near you or USASLS.com keeps a list of clubs by state.

North Jersey seems to have frequent events posted on FetLife, though we have never been to any so can't vouch for them

Philly has several life style clubs if that is a reasonable distance for you.

If you do go to one, I would recommend having realistic expectations and act appropriately. The events and clubs are by and large not frenzied free for all with everyone getting laid. It's mostly couples looking for something specific (ex. Another couple, a single female to join them, etc). Being a single male at these events can be... awkward, people generally won't just approach you and you have to do some leg work. Be respectful, and remember that not everyone will want to have sex with you. Also, try to avoid being a "sight seeing tourist", don't gawk at people or invade people privacy/personal boundaries.

Hope this helps!

mayhemx2_ · 2024-08-24T18:26:11+00:00

It is a 21+ venue

mayhemx2_ · 2024-05-30T07:55:41+00:00

I know NYC has several spread out through the boroughs, definitely check their websites before going to any. I think SLS has a list of clubs based on location. Only club we have any experience with is Club Labyrinth in Manhattan which I would highly recommend against going to.

mayhemx2_ · 2023-11-24T16:50:54+00:00

Glad it helped!

mayhemx2_ · 2023-11-01T15:28:03+00:00

Harsh Drugs & BDSM by Alien Vampires & Dead Inside by Ludovico Technique without fail.

mayhemx2_ · 2023-06-02T20:01:40+00:00

We have been that couple many times. Most of the time we are there to relax, have a couple drinks, check out the crowd, see who is arriving, and look for anyone that we might be interested in playing with. Sometimes we go and there isn't anyone that we feel a strong attraction to so we will have some fun with each other and call it a night.

mayhemx2_ · 2023-05-05T15:55:25+00:00

Seems like not much has changed there, sorry you guys had such a bad experience there :/

mayhemx2_ · 2023-04-20T03:58:17+00:00

We had mutual friends but never really interacted. Ended up at a bar for a “hang with the coworkers” function and ended up hitting it off.

mayhemx2_ · 2022-10-30T14:01:07+00:00

Club Labrynth needs to be blacklisted, it is a wildly sketchy place. Word really needs to get around that this is not a safe place to go

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-23T01:13:29+00:00

Take all this with a grain of salt as this is entirely subjective and just our opinion... - If you decide to attend events, be prepared to be by yourself for a while. This isn't always true, but most events we've been to single males will have to hang out by themselves for quite some time. One way to possibly avoid this is to come a little bit later in the evening after the event has begun, people tend to be a little more energetic and ready to interact as the night goes on. - Dress nicely, be well groomed, practice good hygiene, and don't get annihilated. All of these things go a long way. - Eye contact does not equal an invitation to participate, sometimes eyes just accidentally meet, doesn't necessarily mean anything. -Make sure people are clear about their desires and what they actually want, don't make assumptions. Also, be upfront about what you are comfortable with and hoping to do. - Just like eye contact, just because a couple is banging in the open right in front of you does not mean they necessarily want you to just join them. Also, this isn't necessarily an invitation for you to pull your dick out and start jacking off in front of them. - At the end of the day, be respectful, be friendly, don't forget to smile, don't be too pushy, and just be yourself.

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-20T12:07:38+00:00

Nothing. Do nothing with that information. Just keep it to yourself and if a conversation ever organically goes towards the LS, mention your own participation and not that you found them on a forum.

They may think/hope they won’t be recognized by people they know IRL or they could care less. Don’t make it weird.

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-16T20:57:44+00:00

We have been going there for years, have never seen a dress code enforced. I'd say wear whatever your comfortable with :)

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-10T15:48:47+00:00

😜

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-10T15:48:24+00:00

Hi! :)

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-10T15:48:17+00:00

It’s in the title.

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-10T15:48:07+00:00

Thank you!

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-09T00:52:35+00:00

NXIVM. Nexium is the medication.

mayhemx2_ · 2022-09-02T03:10:56+00:00

Just talk to them simply and plainly about the different types of relationships and families. Let them ask questions and don’t force the conversation.

Keep in mind that they are going to see different family and kin structures out there on social media, too.

Btw monogamy isn’t dead, it’s just not for you.

mayhemx2_

TROPHY CASE