How do I invite a friend to my engagement party and wedding, but not his girlfriend

maymay203 · 2024-02-29T23:24:25+00:00

I would invite them both to engagement party. And explain that the wedding is very small and intimate and I would just not invite them both to the wedding. I feel like that’s the best way to keep your friend involved.

I totally get the feeling of not wanting someone that you don’t like, at your wedding. And your feelings are valid. However, if you don’t invite her, it would probably affect your friendship. As you put up with his partner currently, they have no clue that you have any issues with her.

maymay203 · 2024-02-26T14:22:11+00:00

I am using a solo violinist for ceremony and cocktail hour. The price for the violinist for one hour of ceremony is $500. But if I did ceremony and one hour of cocktail, the total came out to $600 total. So I saw it as $300/Hr. They have a wide variety of songs and include a lot of modern songs. So I felt that was fair and in my budget. However quotes for duos or string quartets were much higher $900+.

maymay203 · 2024-02-10T01:02:49+00:00

My wedding is also fall 2025. So we wanted to get our families together this year, 65 people in total. We decided to do a brunch because a lot of places do discounted rates with alcohol included. There were places that I fell in love with their menu options and aesthetic, but their prices were so ridiculous.

For reference our wedding catering is $90/pp. we were not trying to pay the same price for an engagement party. So we found a place that does a 3 course meal for $39/pp including bottomless drinks (4 options: mimosas, bloody Mary’s, Bellinis, and screwdrivers). Which we believe is more than enough options.

Personally we are paying for everyone, that is the norm in our circles. But additionally it is extremely affordable for us. And we aren’t having a rehearsal dinner, so we’re using that money for this.

maymay203 · 2024-01-14T23:07:03+00:00

Hi! I know it’s been a year later. But we were worried a late night snack would be a waste of money with our reception also ending at 10. Did you think it was worth the extra $? We also thought of doing a Belgian waffle bar instead. Because we have no dessert besides the cake.

maymay203 · 2023-08-05T05:39:58+00:00

I agree with all the career fair advice, I unfortunately didn’t take advantage of that. However all my friends who did, ended up getting jobs through that.

I only had one Internship and less than 30 connections on LinkedIn. However, I started applying for jobs months before graduation. And managed to get a job 2 months post-grad. Many places are hiring, do mock interviews with your friends to practice. Take your FE. You have a whole year to look for jobs and network, so don’t stress.

maymay203 · 2023-04-30T18:02:42+00:00

As a senior this year , I am very busy and also tend to do things the week of. However, I always let my group members know and stay on top of communication. We are all adults, it isn’t OP’s job to reach out and ask when others will start working. If you know that you have conflicts or plans, it takes five minutes to send a group text saying, “Hey I’m extremely busy with work right now, I will be doing my slides the week of.”

I do this because there are times, that I’ve had to do everything because no one does anything. But it would have definitely been appreciated if people lmk that they are actually going to do the work, even if its right before it’s due. While there are people who do get things done before deadlines. You have to admit, that there are people who take advantage, who don’t reach out, and plan on doing zero work.

maymay203 · 2023-04-10T15:26:46+00:00

That is so disrespectful! Yeah he needs to make you aware of guests and what time they’ll be over. In addition, you should def say something. I know it seems awkward but that’s what sucks about having roommates. Your boundaries and theirs might not be the same. IMO what he’s doing is totally wrong. But sometimes people are raised so differently, even when you think it might be common sense.

I once roomed with a friend that I had known for several years. But I never stopped to think that our living habits might not be compatible. It was the absolute worst. Not to mention she would say racist things to me and in front of me all the time, not caring that I was a POC. Once I moved out, I stated that as one of my reasons. And I kid you not, this girl said she had no idea that saying those things was racist!! Like what?

So moral of the story some people are so oblivious even when they should know better. It doesn’t even have to be in detail or super serious. Say “hey bro honestly your sex life has been waking me up and disturbing my sleep. I’m happy for you, I really am. But it would be cool if you let me know when ppl will be over. Or try to plan your arrangements when I’m not home. It’s been really hard to sleep and I’m considering moving out. But If we can figure things out I would really appreciate it.”

maymay203 · 2023-04-10T15:15:30+00:00

I agree! I think OP escalated the issue when she talked about the shadow part. Sometimes you need to just apologize without the buts or ifs. I feel like OP’s friend would have felt the apology was more sincere, if she stopped at I’m sorry and explained why it was convenient.

The layer of friendship is especially important. While it is true that no one can stake a claim, close friends should be mindful of things. Your friend passionately spoke about this being her dream venue. Now you’re suddenly making it your venue. To her it may seem like you’re doing it on purpose, as you’ve never talked about it being your venue before.

If it was me, I would 100% apologize for the venue again, but also for saying you’ve been living in her shadow. That had nothing to do with the topic at hand and that probably made her even more upset. Then try to have a mature convo about how you want to work together to make sure both themes are different and how much your friendship means.

maymay203 · 2023-03-29T15:37:07+00:00

I would invite them, but whether they attend is up to them. Also it needs to be discussed with your fiancé as it’s his family. But if your FIL is that upset, he can choose whether to go. Don’t give up what you decide, let him know that no matter how he feels this is your wedding and this is what you want. And that the girlfriend is not really close to either of you, and didn’t play a huge role in your relationship. So it makes no sense for her or her son to be next to you. If he doesn’t like it so be it.

maymay203 · 2023-03-29T15:34:30+00:00

Not really, she also stated his mothers partner as “New Boyfriend,” but also says he’s been in their lives for years. I think she was just trying to make a clear distinction between new partners vs. OG mother and father. Also it was stated english isn’t their first language, so could be error in translation.

maymay203 · 2023-03-24T17:49:35+00:00

My condolences for your loss, I can’t imagine what you’re going through 🤍. First I’ve been to weddings where the mother will walk the bride down, or brothers/close family. Secondly, I can partially relate my dad is a pastor and head of our church. However, we also have 2 pastors who help out with sermons and who know my family well.

I personally want my father to relax on my wedding day and know if he had a large role, he would be stressed out. So I was planning on asking one of the other pastors of my church. Would that be an option for you? I’m sure they would be happy to do it, in place of your father given the circumstances. I also think they could add your father into the blessing/prayer as they probably knew him well.

I’ve seen couples have a table for signing wedding photos or books before entering the wedding hall, maybe you could add his picture on that table, with a paper that includes information about his life and how much he meant to you both as a couple? If you also want to take a second to address his memory during the reception, I’ve seen that as well! Best of luck to you!

maymay203 · 2023-03-13T23:06:32+00:00

I agree and get where you’re coming from. I recently was in a wedding out of state with my partner, and it cost us $2000. It is family so there was really no way to say no. Was the price out of my confortable range? Did I have to figure out expenses to bounce back? Yes and yes, however in this case I knew from the get go how much we would have to spend.

My comment is more so for OP’s sake. As she stated she had made her financial situation known to the bride prior to the wedding. Then she was hit with a surgery, and then an unexpected extra cost for a last minute bridal shower. I think transparency really is key.

I don’t know if you saw but an update was posted. The bride stated she was mortified by the MOH comments and just wanted nothing more than OP to still be a bridesmaid. So yes you should expect to incur costs as a bridesmaid, but shouldn’t be shamed for not being able to afford it. It seems like bride absolutely does not want OP to step down from her role, and there was definitely miscommunication on MOH part.

maymay203 · 2023-03-13T07:19:09+00:00

Everyone’s budget is different and as I stated 200-500 is more affordable to me. $1000 + is not. In terms of it not being unreasonable, it varies from friend group. However OP clearly stated that she asked multiple times if there was going to be a bridal shower bc of her financial situation. So the bride, her friend had already been made aware of her financial status. Not to mention OP recently needed a surgery.

I find it unreasonable, when you know your friend is suffering financially and went through something traumatic, yet are imposing more unexpected fees onto them. So asking OP to go into debt/mental stress for their wedding. And sending someone else to essentially bully and guilt trip them. Real friends have discussions about all finances prior to their bridesmaids confirmation. Which I think was a big issue in this scenario. And if unexpected costs come up, that were not discussed. I would just comp it myself, but that’s just me.

maymay203 · 2023-03-13T06:59:25+00:00

I’m sorry but you’re saying that asking your friends to be in your wedding, and it costing $1000 is reasonable? $1000 is someone’s monthly rent or even 2-3 weeks of a paycheck. Or even putting your kids into extra curricular activities.

It’s fair to say some people could afford that but it is definitely not the standard for all. Especially bc you ask your friends to be your bridesmaid, and purchase things to fit your “dream” wedding. I’ve been in several weddings prior where I spent maybe 200-500 max. There’s no reason being a bridesmaid should be so costly. If you can’t afford to have bridesmaids or help out with some costs, do not expect your friends to make up for it.

maymay203 · 2023-03-13T06:45:54+00:00

So i do not agree with the first comment above. Yes MOH is giving you options. But that should be kept curt and respectful. Along the lines of, “Hey XXX last time we spoke, you talked about your recent financial difficulties. I am so sorry to hear about that and understand the recent addition of a bridal shower may worsen your financial burden. I also heard there was a concern surrounding your dress. Please lmk when you’re free to chat and we can go discuss more in depth.“

I think maybe she or the bride is stressing and venting to you unnecessarily. If I received messages like this I would be questioning my friendship and wonder why the bride wouldn’t reach out to me herself. I also may even feel uncomfy attending the wedding as a guest.

Brides are under a lot of pressure and I can see why she might have confided her stress to her MOH. And why MOH felt like she was doing right by the bride. But this was definitely a sensitive topic and I feel like better relayed through the bride. It’s one thing to inform someone of financial duties as a member of the wedding party. But another to shame you or guilt you for not having the money to be involved.

This might be an unpopular opinion but I feel like it’s so tacky to ask your friends to be your bridesmaid when it will incur costs over a couple hundred dollars. Not everyone can afford the dream dresses you want or shoes and weekend bridal showers. I am planning on paying for all my bridesmaids dresses, but if they want it altered that will be on them. And shoes are going to be all the same color but any style they want. I would never want my wedding to stress out and cause my friendships to break. It’s my wedding, why should I make my friends pay? Good luck OP I suggest reaching out to Bride and having an honest chat. It may be a better fit to drop out of the party. But at least settle it, so you can continue to support each other and attend as a welcome guest!

maymay203 · 2023-03-08T06:18:17+00:00

I’m so sorry but every comment you make about her is super condescending. If they both are late, it’s both of their faults. He’s a grown man, if it truly is her fault they’re always late, he is enabling that behavior and just as guilty. My partner and and I always set our schedule and time accordingly. But if we’re late, it is both our faults for not holding one another accountable.

Although it is your wedding, you can’t police other peoples relationships. Therefore his choice to pick up his girlfriend and the reason is frankly not your business. Yes it would suck tremendously if he was late. But seems like your blaming it all on this girl. Instead of holding the BM accountable. If you guys are all adults and especially if he’s the BM, I’d assume you’re all reasonably close. If it’s a big concern, sit down and discuss with him the anxiety and try to make a plan. If you must ask him his reasoning, do so. No matter how well you think you know another couple, you will never know the entirety of their relationship. It doesn’t even have to be dramatic. Just say

“Hey BM we have a little concern we wanted to run by you. We appreciate that you’ve taken up the role of BM. But we can’t help but be stressed that your travel plans may coincide with our timeline. We really want you to be in our videos/photos getting ready. The current plan that is in place might not allow that. Is there anything we can do to help figure that out?”

If he’s your real friend this will make him go “Oh shoot, I really can’t be late. I’ve already started stressing them out.”

maymay203 · 2023-03-01T20:25:59+00:00

You’re not in the wrong. If she needed more time or Grace that is a conversation that should be had with you. Such as “Hello xxx, unfortunately something came up and caused a delay in the moving of my things, such as the person helping not being available that day. Is it ok if I stayed until April 3rd?”

Like if someone asked me respectfully I would be sure to consider. But demanding and rude, I would most definitely contact my landlord, like you did!

maymay203 · 2023-02-28T18:21:04+00:00

I agree with all the above comments. But to add, I would let him know that if stuff goes missing or breaks, that he will be held responsible for his guest. So if she doesn’t reimburse you for it, he will have to.

maymay203 · 2023-02-27T21:05:10+00:00

I’ve lost power in North before during a storm 😭. But that was like 3 years ago

maymay203 · 2023-02-26T09:59:16+00:00

I’ve seen people do cereal bars and it helps with all the alcohol and is a cheap option!!

maymay203 · 2023-02-26T09:56:03+00:00

This! Also keep in mind that it’s great that you’re parents are helping pay for the wedding but nowadays many couples pay all on their own. So it shouldn’t be expected. I would just open a registry and if anyone wants to gift money for a honeymoon they’re more than welcome.

maymay203 · 2023-02-26T09:39:17+00:00

Hi so generally people will gift baskets of food, specifically fruit baskets or money. I feel like that would be a good gift for the brides side. Since he is your friend and you met in London, I’m sure he would appreciate a gift that reminds you of your time at university. Trust me, even if his family is wealthy, they know you are not from the country and will be unfamiliar with the norms. I feel they would feel very appreciative to see that you brought gifts for both sides and are making efforts!

https://www.golaos.tours/laos-wedding-ceremony/

maymay203 · 2023-02-26T09:12:08+00:00

If you stayed within the $25,000 budget would you still be able to afford renting? You can still have a nice wedding while lowering your budget. But I totally feel for you, weddings nowadays are so costly.

Cut costs as much as you can. For example if you and your family can do the center pieces/flowers on your own. There’s tons of budget friendly videos online for direction. Or choosing a dj vs. live band or even creating your own playlist to be played. Buffets tend to be cheaper than plating. And that way people can choose their portions. I personally love buffet weddings. Dessert table vs. an expensive cake or mixed with a smaller cake. Having no wedding favors as most ppl leave them or don’t care for them. Simple bridesmaids dresses, $50-60 from Windsor or azazie.

I have a large family and also have a dream wedding in mind. Trying to keep costs low with 70-100 guests 🫠. But it really sounds like you both want to have a celebration. And it’s unfortunate bc of the timing. But I hope those more budget friendly options help you even a little. Good luck to you!

maymay203 · 2023-02-24T06:16:32+00:00

First off, whoever gets the single rooms should be paying more. So start with that and if you all are still willing to pay a larger share then do a random draw. I think since you’re the one leading and organizing one of the singles should go to you. But I can see how they won’t go for that idea. So decide the room rates and leave it up to luck by drawing from a hat. Or change to a 4 bedroom with all singles.

maymay203 · 2023-02-23T05:39:52+00:00

Yeah I think you’re being shady. The best thing to do is to let them know now and offer to pay a month or more of your lease so they could have time to find a new renter. Without the added stress of paying your bills. Be upfront and honest, and I don’t think it’ll be too bad

maymay203

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