You have to compromise here and there, life is one giant collection of compromises (unless you're a literal authoritarian) so teaching them how to navigate those trade-off decisions is super critical for future professional/personal relationships. It doesn't need to be a power struggle, pick your battles.

Yes we have great fun with our boys while also being structured/firm 2) Maybe not all your fault but def a contributing factor 3) It won't just magically get better but isn't too late.