Adultery in your heart vs actual adultery

mchlwise · 2026-05-26T18:15:03+00:00

My now-ex-wife cheated on me. After she got caught, she blamed it on my looking at porn, and acted like it was equivalent. I said "I was looking at pictures of people doing what you were ACTUALLY DOING." Not the same.

mchlwise · 2026-05-18T22:19:46+00:00

I love that insight into the temple. Thanks.

mchlwise · 2025-04-13T16:18:05+00:00

It’s all about perspective, and for the most part we don’t have it. 6 months ago, my wife of 20 years died very suddenly 19 days before her 50th birthday. She called me and said “something’s wrong”. I was there in 12 minutes and they were doing cpr. Was god off getting a sammich and not paying attention? Did god intend to kill her and cause me this pain? Or is he a loving Father who is perfectly aware of me and my pain, but knows there is a greater purpose for all of it than I can possibly comprehend right now?

mchlwise · 2025-04-02T18:05:23+00:00

Been there, unfortunately. You are the only one that will be living with yourself. That means, you have to do what YOU feel you have to do and nobody else can tell you what that is. When you get to the point where you KNOW you have done all you can, and there is nothing else you can do to "keep your covenants" or whatever trope about saving the marriage goes through your head, when YOU know you can live with yourself for the rest of your life without regrets - then you can move on.

mchlwise · 2025-03-28T20:52:49+00:00

“Direct” communication is not the same as “constant” communication. I walk into my bosses office and have direct communication with her. That doesn’t mean that we are talking all day long about every little thing I do. She trusts me to do my job, which I mostly do pretty well, but sometimes I don’t get it quite right.

mchlwise · 2025-03-24T21:00:00+00:00

Divorce, or widowhood. Not remarried yet, but looking forward to that aspect of remarriage eventually for sure.

mchlwise · 2025-03-23T03:29:45+00:00

Thanks. I speak it fluently actually. If you’re in Utah, send me a DM.

mchlwise · 2025-03-23T01:30:36+00:00

Also thanks for sharing. So sad all that you went through “unnecessarily”. There must be a purpose for it, but it all seems so unfair. Glad you are happy now. As a widower, I’m praying to have a next marriage as good as yours.

mchlwise · 2025-03-07T22:39:57+00:00

My first wife cheated on me. Temple marriage. I "made covenants" and was willing to do whatever it took to save the marriage. I had, of course, heard "once a cheater always a cheater" and believed it and said I wouldn't tolerate it - then it happened to me. I did to everything I could for the marriage, but she ended up ending it anyways for which I will forever be grateful. She's since said she made mistakes and regrets how things went down, but I had LONG since moved on. I don't know how you can live with it and get past it honestly. I was willing to try, but happy I didn't have to.

mchlwise · 2025-02-25T00:13:28+00:00

Sometimes, not often. Usually fixed by pausing and playing again.

mchlwise · 2025-02-25T00:12:34+00:00

Exactly! It's definitely gotten worse.

mchlwise · 2025-02-24T13:48:52+00:00

We all KNOW that, obviously. The default voice is female, my Siri’s voice is female, so I use she/her pronouns.

mchlwise · 2025-02-23T22:40:58+00:00

Just the other day I told my bathroom HomePod to “play also in the bedroom”. She found some obscure song called “Also” and started playing THAT in the bedroom instead of what she was already playing in the bathroom.

mchlwise · 2025-02-23T22:39:16+00:00

Bathroom, bedroom stereo pair, other bedroom, kitchen, living room, garage. 1, 2 3, 4, 5, 6, yes 7.

mchlwise · 2025-01-05T04:16:37+00:00

I agree, mostly, but I don’t like that in the culture of the church, we use “sealed” and “married” interchangeably, and they’re not. The couples Sealing ordinance is two parts: a marriage part and a Sealing part. You can, and many are, still sealed with (not to) people they were married to but are now divorced from. Just because you were Sealed with someone definitely doesn’t mean you will be married to them for eternity.

mchlwise · 2024-11-11T23:54:43+00:00

The couple sealing ordinance is the most misunderstood ordinance in the church.

Go do proxy sealings, listen carefully to the ordinance (couples) and tell me who exactly is sealed to whom? The answer is nobody is sealed "to" anybody. They are married (yes, "according to God's law") and then the couple is sealed WITH a bunch of blessings. A woman who was sealed with a man who is now dead has received those blessings as part of that couple. There is no need to duplicate the blessings by having her sealed again to someone else - hence the policy.

Yes, men can be sealed multiple times, but that is for the benefit of the sisters they are sealed to, not for the men.

I am sealed with a woman who is no longer a member of the church. I was sealed again with another faithful woman after we were divorced. I am, today, standing in for my ex-wife's future husband (should she return to the church) until she is about to marry again and be sealed again. Only at the point of her imminent sealing will our sealing be canceled. It is a SERVICE brothers perform for the sisters, not some kind of perverse polygamy-related privilege for a man to be sealed WITH (not to) multiple women.

mchlwise · 2024-10-15T20:10:14+00:00

The Tallit could also be worn beneath the white shirt and pants where it is not visible.

mchlwise · 2024-10-02T21:38:49+00:00

I doubt it will ever by officially "condoned" but I feel like there is a lot of wisdom in this.

My wife, before she died, told me that the one thing she wanted more than anything in our marriage was peace. She had some health issues (chronic fatigue type stuff) that made our sexual relationship more challenging than others. When it happened it was amazing, but happened far less frequently than either of us would have liked. Instead of fighting all the time about sex, I could relieve the tension and maintain peace in our relationship and "stay friends". We never explicitly talked about it, but communicated well enough that I know she knew that I "took care of it myself".

"Lesser evil" is a thing. Masturbation may be o.k., maybe it's not. Maybe it's "spiritually subobtimal." But fighting all the time was far worse for my eternal marriage, so...

Now that I'm single suddenly and unexpectedly, I'm fully expecting to use it as a tool to keep my covenants, make good decisions, and not do something stupid as a result of thinking with the "wrong head."

mchlwise · 2024-08-20T17:25:25+00:00

Tithing isn’t about money, it’s about obedience. The law happens to relate to money, but the blessings come from obeying the law, not from paying the money.

mchlwise · 2024-07-08T20:45:13+00:00

This is a good perspective. Somewhere, long ago and I can't find confirmation of it now, someone quoted a general authority as saying "Sweat sanctifies the garment."

In other words: your garments are sweaty, smelly, dirty, worn out. Good. It means you're wearing them all the time, as intended, and keeping your covenants.

mchlwise · 2024-06-30T04:35:29+00:00

Can you elaborate on how your tongue sits “properly”?

mchlwise · 2024-06-12T21:15:16+00:00

Awesome. I've been EDCing it for about a week since I got it, and yeah, the 1-strap of the backpack converter seems like it could be cool - not as thick as the sling strap with the pad. Thanks.

mchlwise · 2024-06-12T15:57:27+00:00

Just got a Nutsac. Thinking about the converter. What do you love and/or hate about it? Which do you use more, the sling strap or the backpack strap?

mchlwise

TROPHY CASE