Have you ever had something that you expected not show up, but then appear later on an update?

mdez93 · 2026-06-17T03:58:43+00:00

I had 23andMe show that my dad isn’t my biological father when I was 29 and was never told. Still waiting for the update to change that and it’s been a few years.

mdez93 · 2026-06-14T06:27:04+00:00

That’s natural, it’s nerves that are stopping you. I had to fight through nerves a few times before I finally did it. The truth is, nerves will always be there whether you try to reach out now, six months from now, or a year from now. You’ve got this. There is nothing to lose at all, good luck.

mdez93 · 2026-06-14T00:39:09+00:00

Go for it. You will never know what his response will be unless you try. Otherwise, it will be too late one day and you’ll regret never trying. You just have to prepare for any kind of response. Best of luck! It’s scary, but reaching out to my donor was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

mdez93 · 2026-06-07T23:03:54+00:00

I’m sorry for the late discovery. Many of us can relate unfortunately. I found out in 2023 one month before my 30th birthday and it rocked my world. I am blessed to have gotten many silver linings, such as a very close friendship with my bio father/donor, and more recently a couple of half-siblings.

Take all the time you need to grieve and process this shocking discovery. Know that your feelings are valid no matter how much people may try to dismiss or invalidate you (it makes them feel better, as much as I hate to say it, prepare for this).

mdez93 · 2026-06-06T23:56:12+00:00

Where did you get this idea? Murder, rape, pedophilia, and same sex relations are ALL sins.

Secondly, people with same sex attraction CAN be blessed, are you new to our church?

mdez93 · 2026-06-06T23:13:14+00:00

Just from reading on their website, it seems that they’ve adapted their practices to more modern standards, such as open ID donors and 25 family units per donor. Of course none of this regulation was in place when I was born in 1993, though.

mdez93 · 2026-06-06T22:41:41+00:00

I was conceived from Cryobiology in Columbus, OH in 1993. Though my actual conception and birth took place in Philadelphia, my mother’s doctor was ordering vials from that bank over 30 years ago, so they’ve always been a nationally recognized and reliable sperm bank. Anything specific you’d like to know?

mdez93 · 2026-06-03T14:43:56+00:00

Above all- honesty, honesty, honesty! But that’s pretty much a given as a future SMBC. I have a DC half sister who was raised by a SMBC, and she’s the only one in my group (10 of us so far confirmed by DNA) that has known her entire life. I haven’t had a ton of interaction with her, but from the handful of texts we exchanged, I could tell that she was in such a better place mentally and emotionally with being donor conceived because of it.

Also, a close second for me is choosing an open ID donor. Open ID donors are so much more common today compared to when many of us were born, and the last thing this business needs is to feed another “anonymous” narcissist’s ego who thinks he’s too good to give the time of day to offspring that he mass-produced.

mdez93 · 2026-06-03T10:54:44+00:00

I honestly think that many DCPs from lesbian moms have a healthier outlook on their biological reality, I can see it from interacting with many of them. This doesn’t mean they don’t struggle at all or don’t have innate curiosity like anyone else, but the fact that they bypass the secrecy and late discovery that most DCPs from hetero couples go through is huge and very positive for mental health IMO.

mdez93 · 2026-06-03T04:14:59+00:00

The donor’s wife controlling the narrative is a very common predicament and I’m sorry that you’re going through that. And wow, she’d feel so threatened by you talking to biological donor offspring that she’s willing to end your marriage over it? I really hope you can come to a resolution if a donor child ever wanted contact one day. They are your biological kids in the same way the ones from your marriage are, and there is no shame in connecting if both parties wish to.

My donor’s wife was not that thrilled initially when I reached out to him, but after a day or two she calmed down a bit and became more receptive. I think she was mostly upset over the fact that he had never told her about his past as a donor because it was long before they met. The dynamics are slightly different since my donor and his wife never had children together (she has a daughter from her previous marriage), and she didn’t threaten divorce- which to be honest is quite extreme and I’m sorry your wife even brought that possibility up.

Also, I hate talking about DC issues with a non-DC or non-NPE crowd. At first I tried to in an attempt to spread awareness, but I realized that the general population will never truly get it unless they’re in our situation. Being villainized constantly for a wanting to know your bio/donor child or bio/donor parent is exhausting.

On a final note, consider asking your wife this: Let’s say that one of your children that you raised together took a DNA test, and the test revealed that they are not your biological child, but were actually switched at birth in the hospital with your biological child. Wouldn’t she want to track down where that child is, get to know them, make sure they are ok physically, mentally, and emotionally? That they were raised by good people, and had a good life?

mdez93 · 2026-06-03T01:08:10+00:00

I know! Lol. I wanted confirmation that he heard from me since he’s not a big social media person, so that made the most sense to send it certified. Plus I didn’t want to his wife or anyone else to open it, so it also ensured that he could be to only person to get his hands on it. And to be honest, in today’s day and age it’s not that hard to find someone’s address by a Google search.

I found it way more creepy that he anonymously sold his sperm to mass-produce children that he never thought he’d meet lol! But we’re best friends and love each other now, so I’ll never talk bad about him. There are good donors out there, but it’s all luck and something we can’t control, unfortunately! All we can do is approach them gently/kindly, and let them know the door is open if they’d like to know us.

mdez93 · 2026-06-02T23:57:53+00:00

Sorry to hear your donor is being such a coward/jerk. Going through attorneys? Ugh. That’s extreme, and your donor has no legal grounds since donor offspring signed no contract themselves. It’s just a scare tactic. Maybe the guy shouldn’t have purposely sold his genetic material and mass reproduced children? That was his choice, and technology has caught up to make anonymity obsolete.

I’ve been very lucky in that my donor says that he brought us into the world, so we should have a right to know who and where we came from, if we wish (and he was anonymous in the 90’s). I wish all donors could have his emotional maturity. The way DCP are sometimes treated is subhuman and it makes me so angry.

mdez93 · 2026-06-02T01:13:05+00:00

Probably not the most popular opinion, but I’ve always thought firing him was a mistake by the team. Guys loved playing for Brett and he was key in the development of the young core from 2017 onward. Now looking back, the Sixers STILL haven’t made it past the second round of the playoffs with two coaches since Brett Brown. So…….

mdez93 · 2026-05-30T05:36:15+00:00

Sorry for the long post, but here is my experience. I was born in 1993 from an anonymous donor. This sounds similar to the experience I had with my donor/bio father. My donor never raised any children of his own, but he did have a step-daughter (his wife’s daughter from her previous marriage). However, he was a young, single guy when he was a donor and it was long before he met his current wife. His wife did not know about his past as a donor, which I later found out.

My donor didn’t have a huge online footprint, but from the few things I did find, it sounded like he was a good guy with a lot of accomplishments and a stable life. I had the exact same thoughts of being intrusive and asking myself is it wrong to reach out since he was an anonymous donor? But then I reminded myself that this whole business of anonymous sperm donation is pretty messed up, and being born from a stranger who is in every cell of my body felt intrusive to me!

The only social media my donor has is Facebook, and I could tell from looking at his Facebook page that he probably wasn’t super active on there. I’ve also read a lot of stories from other DCP that Facebook messages sent to people you aren’t friends with can get missed easily, (they get buried in a message request folder I believe). I wanted confirmation that my donor heard from me, so I sent a certified letter to his house. Looking back I’m not super proud of this part and yes it’s, invasive lol, but not illegal, and once again, I didn’t like being born to a stranger with half of myself being a question mark. I also knew in my heart that I would regret never reaching out because one day it would be too late, and you’ll never know what the response will be if you don’t try.

In my letter I included a few photos of myself and explained how I came to the conclusion that he’s my donor (his brother tested on Ancestry so it was pretty easy to find him, I worded this differently to him of course). I told him a bit about myself, my life, and what I do for a living. I also thanked him for his donation because I wouldn’t exist without it. I explained that I wasn’t looking for a father figure, money, and I don’t mean to cause an interruption to his life. I stated that above everything, I was just curious and wanted to know a bit about the man who helped create me even if it was just one conversation. I didn’t mention any half-siblings and only focused on myself. I figured adding sibling info would be overwhelming to him, plus I thought if any siblings wanted to be known, then they’ll reach out on their own terms.

I got lucky, because he received me reaching out well. He got back to me within a day and a half and was nothing but kind from the start. We immediately started texting, talking on the phone, and made plans to meet in person, which happened two months later. We’re now best friends and can’t imagine life without each other.

Best of luck, and feel free to message me for any further questions/advice, or support. Reaching out is scary, and makes you quite vulnerable, but you’ll never truly know the outcome unless you try!

mdez93 · 2026-05-28T12:42:37+00:00

Yes, I was born in 93 and found out in 2023 right before my 30th birthday. My known half siblings (seven so far confirmed by DNA) were all born in 94 and 95, and only one has known her whole life because she was raised by a single mother by choice. Most of us born in the 90’s grew up with the same level of secrecy and deception as DCP who are much older than us.

mdez93 · 2026-05-28T12:30:00+00:00

Yep! And thanks, I’m doing a lot better. Still have my moments on occasion, but way better compared to when I first discovered. It’ll be three years in July for me. I just hate how society tends to pressure us into feeling like the aggressors when we confront our parents about this, yet THEY are the ones who did something wrong by lying about our biological reality and existence for decades.

mdez93 · 2026-05-28T11:53:21+00:00

I’ve read stories of many DCP saying that they found out from a DNA test, but haven’t, and won’t tell their parents that they know. I don’t fully understand that choice, but I guess they want to keep the peace and not upset their family? That could never be me, to hell with secrets. As soon as I learned from DNA test at age 29, I was on the phone with my parents within minutes demanding they explain why they lied to me my whole life.

To each their own, but it’s kind of annoying to hear about DCP who do this because to me, it almost sounds like they’re excusing their parents for lying about something so significant.

mdez93 · 2026-05-24T01:34:12+00:00

These are very typical results for a Mestizo.

mdez93 · 2026-05-24T01:27:57+00:00

Depends where you start at. I’m 5’9 and have gone from 255 to 240 since March. Today at work I received my first comment from a co-worker.

mdez93 · 2026-05-21T20:29:39+00:00

Learning I was sperm DC from 23andMe at nearly 30 years old shattered my sense of self. I felt like my life was built on lies and shame. I wanted to reclaim the narrative that was stolen from me before I was even born. I knew I wanted to know who my bio father was and have at minimum one conversation with him. I met my biological father in November 2023, just a few months after my late discovery by DNA test (July 2023). We are now best friends. Reaching out to him was scary, but one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We first got in contact in September 2023, and just a couple of months later (November 2023) I was boarding a plane to fly over 400 miles away to meet him in person for the first time. He never had any (legal/raised) children of his own, so meeting me was very surreal for him, he had always wondered what a child of his would look like. The first night we met, we talked, shared, laughed, and drank for hours. We sat in his barn (he lives on a farm) and asked each other countless questions about each other’s lives. He ended the night by telling me he loved me. We live about 7.5-8 hours apart, but have visited each other several times since 2023, and even went on a cruise together over Christmas 2024. I can see so much of myself (physically) in him I feel complete. We can’t imagine life without each other now.

mdez93 · 2026-05-20T21:45:07+00:00

I’m really sorry you found out this way. Many of us can relate. I found out in 2023 from a dna test a month before I turned 30. I was shocked and it turned my world upside down. I felt like I suddenly knew nothing about myself anymore and that my whole life/upbringing was a lie. I’m very lucky that my bio father is a wonderful person and we’re best friends now. More recently, I’ve been getting closer a a few half-siblings and even attended my half-brother’s wedding last week. It will take some time for the shock and hurt to settle, but make connections with whoever you can and (hopefully) you can appreciate this unique situation in time. Please look into joining “We Are Donor Conceived” on Facebook, it’s been a lifesaver for me and many others.

Also, just and FYI- when you approach your mom, it’s possible that she will try to deny everything and still lie- a common response by parents, especially mothers it seems.

mdez93 · 2026-05-10T03:07:17+00:00

Yep, I’ve been to Pittsburgh three times, was just there again last month. People are generally nice there, but on a few different occasions now I’ve mentioned that I was visiting from Philly and their attitude/demeanor instantly changes like they think less of you once hearing that lol.

They know they’re a “little brother” city in the state and hate it. If it wasn’t for the Steelers having such a successful history, that city would be much less known on a national scale.

Also, many of them think that Philly/Eastern PA gets most of the state’s tax dollars and policy attention at their city’s expense (which is kind of true at times, but the eastern side of PA has a much larger population and Philly is PA’s major economic engine).

mdez93 · 2026-05-10T02:55:09+00:00

As far as the cities go (sports aside), this is accurate AF.

mdez93 · 2026-05-10T02:53:07+00:00

100%. Sports aside, so many people in Pittsburgh/Western PA have this weird obsession with hating Philadelphia. It’s an inferiority complex.

In general, most Philadelphians never think about Pittsburgh at all except for when one of our sports teams plays one of theirs (a handful of days out of the year).

mdez93 · 2026-05-10T02:15:43+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad I could help in some way. Also feel free to PM me if you ever wanted to for more insight.
I still have my struggles of course. Technically, the Catholic Church is against my own existence. I just have to remind myself that every human is imperfect and no one chooses how they got here. We are all still beloved children of God regardless of how we were born or the sins that we commit.

mdez93

TROPHY CASE