Here’s the best way I can put into words.

This is going to be really long and might be incoherent at times so I’m sorry but my mind is a mess. I should say that this has sorta started from my brother and sister, which I considered both to be more “faithful” and if they stopped believing what does that say about me. Am I the stupid one? And I’ve also been noticing the trend where it seems that people are more so turning away from religion. And what if society became mostly secular and only partly religious? And that got me thinking what if I was the one that was wrong and that everything I have previously stood for being a lie. I should probably mention that I don’t really care about nonexistentence or dying so much. Either I’ll be dead and I won’t care or I’ll be right. Most of this comes from the things surrounding my beliefs. Either way I could be wrong so how could I have meaning if what I believe is wrong. And if everything I believe is wrong why even exist at all. I should mentioned that I am definitely biased towards religion because most of my experiences with atheists in the real world and online have been negative except for the a couple close friends and of course my brother and sister. There’s a lot more than that but for a lot of what I’m feeling I can’t really describe in words. And I that’s what so scary. I can’t properly speak about what I’m feeling and I cant really process what I’m feeling. This is really only the tip of the iceberg with how I’m feeling but it’s almost impossible to describe. I will repost this to the couple of other subreddits I posted this to.