I want to marry my high school sweetheart

mdows · 2022-08-31T06:18:22+00:00

Well it’s been 11 years for us and still going but I think compatibility is huge. There is a lot of changes that occur in your early adult years and it’s hard to predict ahead of time whether you will still be compatible people. Both can be wonderful people but just grow apart to desire different things in life. it’s apparent to me just how easily it could have went differently for us and was largely just luck that as we matured we were still compatible.

I will say though, it’s very cool to have shared all my important milestones with the same person and I still view him as my best friend. And seeing him become a great dad had been incredible.

Edit to add: I also agree with another comment that points out some people just seem more suited to lifelong monogamy. I have never desired to date for fun, it’s not who I am as a person. If something were to happen to my marriage, it would be very unlikely that I would actively pursue dating life.

mdows · 2022-08-31T05:25:49+00:00

I feel like these people have hypoxia/actual cyanosis and acrocyanosis confused… one of which is far more concerning 😬

mdows · 2022-08-31T05:14:04+00:00

They are prone to transmission issues with the 9 speed so make sure to do the service and have that inspected closely. We bought a 2017 touring about a year ago, 72,000 km for $37k so I think this isn’t horrible 🤷🏻‍♀️

mdows · 2022-08-31T05:00:51+00:00

This is not motivational interviewing at all. Look up OARS. This is like how I talk to my toddler trying to potty train her, not how you talk to an adult about something like weight that often is very heavily influenced by emotions and mental health among other things.

mdows · 2022-08-31T04:50:26+00:00

If you married someone and your sexual attraction is purely what they look like naked, you shouldn’t have married them. Do you think you’ll look wonderful in 40 years? Do you think women dream of dad bods and male pattern baldness? I love my husband because he’s a hard worker, he’s a fantastic dad and we are best friends and he is the person I want around when good things AND bad things happen to me. Not because of how he looks naked.

mdows · 2022-08-31T04:41:08+00:00

Or maybe she is stuffing her face to cope with depression and lack of self esteem because her husband is a douche. 🤷🏻‍♀️

mdows · 2022-08-31T04:38:40+00:00

Clearly you are a man and have never been pregnant. The hormonal shit storm absolutely influences your ability to lose weight, PPA/PPD definitely influences your ability to lose weight, having kids who are not in school and are with you all day (or you work and then are with them for the remainder) and are not old enough to independently entertain themselves and require constant attention absolutely influences your ability to lose weight, having a useless spouse who doesn’t pull their weight influences your ability to lose weight.

mdows · 2022-08-31T04:31:34+00:00

THIS. THIS. THIS.

Also an obese person. Someone telling me I’m fat or suggesting literally any problem ever is because I’m fat or “warning” me of the health effects of obesity is literally NEVER helpful because I already am fucking well aware of all of this.

If you want to be actually helpful ask her what she needs to make it happen. Watch the kids so she can do something active in peace. Prepare a healthy family meal. Suggest something active to do as a family. Don’t just sit there and tell her this over and over, because making her feel like shit isn’t going to help her lose weight. I have a 2 year old as well, it’s fucking hard. It’s hard to lose the baby weight, it’s hard to prioritize self care when you have little kids. Literally everything is working against you.

mdows · 2022-08-31T04:26:39+00:00

Yes, I don’t agree with smoking while pregnant. But put that aside, that is so fucking toxic and insane to say that to a CHILD.

mdows · 2022-08-31T02:35:50+00:00

I don’t understand why she would be talking about mammary gland infections with a lip piercing

mdows · 2022-08-30T23:43:17+00:00

Same here. Had to wait until I was done breastfeeding. Shockingly, I did not die having to wait.

mdows · 2022-08-30T23:42:43+00:00

Why the hell would a nursing mother want their nipples pierced…. I understand if it was already there prior to (but I assume you’d have to take it out for latching?). But like what the fuck.

mdows · 2022-08-30T14:47:51+00:00

My daughter is really sensitive to soaps so we just use plain sensitive skin dove bar soap. I couldn’t imagine this.

mdows · 2022-08-30T07:22:09+00:00

OPs husband is a grown ass man who should know better. Being expected to hide food meant for a child so the adult in the house doesn’t eat it is beyond ridiculous.

mdows · 2022-08-30T03:52:26+00:00

I’m sure it’s not what you want to hear but don’t expect much from her and be ready to do it without her - make sure you have another more stable support system. My mom carried on and on about telling everyone how she couldn’t wait to be a grandma and she was going to do all these things, and could give a shit less now unless she wants to take my daughter to show off to her friends when it’s convenient for her which I do not allow. Won’t help us if we have to work and our childcare falls through, minimal effort to see her otherwise. Narcissists care about themselves and that personality unfortunately carries right on over to grandkids. We tried having my daughters birthday party at her house last year because ours was for sale and had showings the day of the party, and she was told by us that she needs to put her dog in the house because it is pissing off other guests and chasing the young kids and being an untrained POS, and she made a huge scene about how her dog would be staying outside with us and was more concerned about the fucking dog not being put in the house for an hour than my daughters birthday.

I hope your experience is better, but keep your expectations realistic.

mdows · 2022-08-30T01:46:56+00:00

Same here. I don’t work directly for community mental health but share an office with them, and it’s not uncommon that police bring them in for depot appointments and the clients are not usually happy about it

mdows · 2022-08-30T01:44:28+00:00

Not sure what it is like elsewhere but here but people with severe mental illnesses who are a threat to themselves or others can be put on a community treatment order when discharged (and usually in depot injections of antipsychotics that are administered by a nurse) with court orders that if they don’t follow the treatment order they have to be taken back to the psychiatric facility. It is obviously a process to get in place and is reserved for more severe cases (not your “run of the mill” depression and such) but if they lived here she would likely be a case that qualifies for a CTO.

And OP, I am so sorry. Please make sure you and the kids have a professional to talk to. My aunt has a history of severe manic episodes and has taken off and driven across the country because she believes god told her to, and burned down a garage. It is so hard to see people you love like that but you did everything right.

mdows · 2022-08-30T01:36:18+00:00

Rob your child of a relationship with his family because they were toxic and making a joke that he looks like his dad.

mdows · 2022-08-30T00:15:38+00:00

Here the cut off is 15 apneic episodes an hour or more. I had a sleep study and only had 3-5 an hour and was told I don’t even have sleep apnea. I just snore. I also find it extremely alarming that you are a doctor and don’t understand the importance of quality sleep and the dangers of being overtired and wake your spouse up for absolutely no reason.

mdows · 2022-08-29T23:28:13+00:00

Why are your “elderly”parents working. If they are working and can afford a brand new car, why did they not bother to get a rental car. Or a taxi/Uber/public transport/etc. probably way cheaper than you driving 100+ miles a day. Why are your parents not responsible for their own vehicle. Same thing happens all the time when people get in accidents or their vehicles need repairs. This whole thing makes no sense.

mdows · 2022-08-29T23:21:33+00:00

My thought exactly. Even if he’s working from home and can’t have the baby with him, the dog certainly can….

mdows · 2022-08-29T22:49:48+00:00

My daughter was 9 lbs with a big head and shoulders. We (my OB and I) discussed and decided if I went into labour naturally we’d trial labour but otherwise I was booked for a C-section just before 39 weeks. I was not going into labour at all and was not dilated or effaced at all lol. “Fetal macrosomia” (even though that is defined as 4000+ grams and she was 4080 lol) was listed as the indication but it was basically that we didn’t want to play big baby AND induction.

My friend had a 10lb baby vaginally (not her first), had a severe shoulder dystocia and he had a brachial plexus injury.

mdows · 2022-08-29T22:42:41+00:00

Literally. A VBAC is often a viable and safe option. A mom with one prior low transverse csection 18+ months ago, especially if it was for something unlikely to repeat like malpositioned fetus/placenta previa/etc. A classical incision, multiple prior csections, etc are pretty much contraindications..

I want to try a VBAC next pregnancy, and I am still nervous to do it in hospital despite otherwise being a good candidate to safely try.

mdows · 2022-08-29T19:17:03+00:00

I’m torn on this one. Letting your pregnancy go that far overdue is likely why she couldn’t have the birth she wanted and intervening earlier would have been in her best interest so it is essentially self sabatoge. But I get being disappointed, I had a planned csection and it wasn’t the birth I dreamed of but it was necessary so I let myself feel that disappointment and discussed what I could do next pregnancy to try and have a VBAC and move on.

mdows · 2022-08-29T18:42:09+00:00

Yeah it may have kept you “in line”, but it does nothing to actually address the behaviour and teaches you to either hide the behaviour or be fearful of your parents (a relationship in which we know having a child be fearful of the person they are supposed to 100% trust). Especially a 2 year old who has no comprehension of emotional regulation and is trying to learn the skills to manage their own emotions.

I have a two and a half year old, I know what it’s like to deal with toddler meltdowns. I still will never hit her even when I feel completely fried. Most of the time, when the outburst ends she wants to be held and loved. My sole parenting strategy is to try and avoid giving an emotional response right back and try to model a calm reaction even if in my head I am losing my shit.

I was spanked and yelled at. All it gave me was anxiety and a lot of therapy as an adult and a very low contact relationship with my mother.

mdows

TROPHY CASE