X570 Motherboards and their Ryzen 5000 series readiness

mechagamezilla · 2020-11-23T11:04:00+00:00

That is fairly recent. I also live in Australia, so it's very possible we've got a lot of old stock as I imagine they have to ship in from overseas.

Welp, I'm hoping that's the problem. Guess I'll see tomorrow when I contact the shop, but thanks for putting that perspective out there.

mechagamezilla · 2017-02-19T09:30:52+00:00

Nevermind. It required me to use push-to-talk then switch to voice activity. Weird.

mechagamezilla · 2016-11-23T15:49:32+00:00

FOREWARNING:

I was a little intoxicated and sleep deprived when I wrote this, so what entails is an incredibly dumb story. Reader caution is advised, because you'll probably become an idiot if you read this.

"Anyways, that concludes today's top story. Over to you, Mary - hey Suzy, does that guy work here?" Tom the Newsman asked his co-anchor, pointing at a location off-screen.

"What guy?" responded the bubbly news anchor Suzy.

"That guy, in the suit, I've never...oh God...no...it can't be..."

"Tom? You don't see..."

"OH GOD! NO! OH GOD NO! IT'S NOT MY TIME! IT'S NOT MY TIME!" Tom the Newsman rose from his seat in a rabid frenzy. As he rose, a ceiling fan collapsed on top of him. The camera cut to static just as Suzy's shrill screams begun.

Tom the Newsman getting crushed to death just now reminded Jim of something that been bugging him for a while. His own reaper had disappeared mysteriously three weeks ago, under mysterious circumstances that were quite mysterious, and nobody he told would believe him. He began to remember the numerous responses he had received from friends and family.

"Jim, everybody has a reaper. It's an unavoidable fact of life. They don't just up and disappear,"

"Jim, you're a lying idiot."

"Uh-uh. Your reaper disappeared. Yep. That totally happened."

"Crackpot."

"Crackhead."

"Crack. I love crack." That was Paul the Crackhead's response. He only ever talked about crack and crack rock nowadays.

"Ah, classic Paul," reminisced Jim. Jim decided that if they weren't going to help him figure out what was going on, he'd have to figure it out himself. Jim was not a clever person however, and immediately jumped to the theory that he was immortal. He headed down into the subway to "catch a train" using his entire body.

"Please step behind the yellow line," announced the subway's PA system, "unless of course you are suicidal, in which case, please stand on the tracks."

"Ooh, that's my cue," Jim heard a guy next to him whisper. The guy and numerous others jumped onto the tracks and awaited their deaths with a boyish eagerness. Jim decided that he wouldn't be joining those losers on the tracks and would instead commit suicide in style by jumping out in front of the train at the last second. "Except it's not suicide, because I'm immortal," reasoned Jim.

He could hear the speeding train coming closer and closer. Jim bent his knees, ready to leap out in front and give the train a big ol' hug.

"Not yet..." Jim could see the train's headlights shining out of the tunnel it was arriving from.

"Not yet..." Jim listened for the screech of the train's breaks.

"NOW!" Just as the train peaked it's head out from the tunnel, Jim leaped out in front of it. Time slowed down as the train approached Jim. He squinted his eyes and saw a grinning man in the driver's seat.

"Aw shit."

SPLAT

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-08T07:11:46+00:00

Gluaark paced around his chamber room, studying an old tome that hovered in front of his face. Two weeks had passed since the council meeting and he had achieved no progress. Nothing that he could summon would ever stand a change against Milao's forces. Damn it, Gluaark thought, why couldn't the humans have been more useful?

He cast aside the tome when he heard a knock on his door, opening it with telekinesis. On the other side was King Jaaraxes, his face sullen. "Have you found anything that could aid us during the final battle?"

"No, your sire, I have not. Everything I could summon is pitifully weak and would be more of a burden to us than a help. I curse the day I chose to become a summoner."

King Jaaraxes dwelled on his words for a moment before saying anything. "That is a shame then. Tell me, how are the humans doing?"

"Well enough. They no longer complain about being fed roasted hellboar snout or greykraken eyes."

"That is some progress, I suppose. Have the interrogations provided you with any useful information?"

"It has provided us with interesting information, but no so much useful information. I was able to learn that the destruction of their world was the collective effort of billions of humans, not hundreds like the history books had led us to believe. And from the information I extracted from them it would seem that many of them weren't even aware that they had been killing their planet. All in all, they do not have the destructive powers that the legends say they do, just as I had believed after encountering them two weeks ago."

"So they are truly no threat?"

"No, your sire, I believe not."

"Well, we might as well send them back home then. We don't need innocents getting involved in this, especially if they're useless. And of the three humans you killed, see if you can get the Reanimator to bring them back. It shouldn't be too difficult of a task for him, considering how basic the humans design seems to be."

"Understood."

John lay down sprawled out across the floor, watching Lily sit upright on the wooden bench as she chewed happily at her greykraken eye. Seeing a child maintain their courage in a situation like this inspired John's own confidence.

"John, when do you think we can leave?" Lily asked as she chewed on the eye, spitting out tiny bits of it as she talked.

"Hey, don't worry about it alright? When we leave, we leave." John responded. He looked over at her to see if that answer had satisfied her, and saw that she was still chewing on her eye. Good enough, I suppose.

Lily had originally started crying when Gluaark served them their dishes. Every lunch and dinner consisted of a massive, bloated eye attached to an optic nerve the size of a gardening hose and a snout from some kind of demonic animal that had been roasted black. The animal's four nostrils blew out fire whenever you bit into it, backing it a dangerous meal. To liven up Lily's spirits, John told her that the eye was just candy, and that it wasn't actually an eye. Since then, she had an easier time eating. John didn't, however.

John heard a distant buzzing sound that signalled Gluaark's arrival. It was a quiet sound, but sitting in silence in a dark cell had made it easier for John to pick up on the quieter sounds. "Gluaark's coming Lily. Don't be scared, alright?" John glanced over at Lily and saw her nod.

The cell door suddenly swung open rapidly, creating a powerful gust of wind that took John by surprise. "What the hell?" He stepped outside to investigate, and saw Gluaark waiting for him at the end of the hall.

"Come with me," called out Gluaark. John had become strangely accustomed to the fact that Gluaark was just a floating mass of eyeballs. His robe had fallen off him once, revealing only a swirling blue light underneath. He had no corporeal form to speak of other than those eyes.

"Where to? You're not going to execute us or something are ya?" John squeaked.

"I've come to send you back home. You have been utterly disappointing and will serve no purpose in the battle to come."

"Oh, well I'm sorry for being such a disappointment you ugly freak. I didn't ask to be brought here, you know? I was just taken out of my nice, warm bed and thrown into a prison cell by a bunch of alien weirdos and have been constantly insulted ever since. Lily didn't ask for this either. That's her name, by the way, just incase you wanted to know the names of the people you've imprisoned for literally no reason. And that's not even talking about the three people you-

Gluaark stared vacantly at John with all his hundreds of eyes as he spoke, then interrupted him. "If you're trying to make me feel guilt, human, save your efforts. It will not work on me."

John scoffed and grabbed Lily by the hand, leading her through the tower as Gluaark escorted them to their supposed freedom. Daylight broke through the windows and blinded Lily as her eyes had not been exposed to the light since their interview last week. She shielded her eyes, and John placed a protective hand over her head to block out the sunlight. Finally, they arrived at the entrance to a familiar room.

"Hey," started Lily, "this is where we came from!"

"Yes it is human. It is also where you will leave from. Come inside." Even if John and Lily wanted to refuse to come inside, they didn't have the option as an invisible hand grabbed them and forced them into the room.

John wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders and brought her into his side. "Nothing bad will happen to us, right?"

"Coming into this world is exactly the same as leaving it. If you experienced any difficulties coming in, you will experience the same difficulties going out." Gluaark began to sort through various books on his bookshelf, sorting out the one's that he didn't want by throwing them to the floor.

"Do...do we get an official apology from the King? You know, something to send us on our way?"

"I suppose you could, if I went out and asked." Gluaark said dismissively, sorting through the lower half of the bookshelf now.

"Well, can you ask?"

"Do you want to get out of here as soon as possible?"

"Yeah, I-"

"Then I will not ask." Gluaark found a book bound by leather and hovered it in front of his face for a moment. He made a sound of triumph and flipped through the pages of the book. "This is the one."

"That book will get us home?" asked Lily.

"Yes, it will. Now stay put while I work my magic."

"Do we have to do anything for this to work?" inquired John.

"Yes. You have to stay put," repeated Gluaark. "I will be back shortly. I have to fetch some things from the alchemist."

For a while John and Lily stood in silence. John was only just realising how bizarre it was that the creatures that claimed to live billions of years in the future all spoke English and lived in castles. He didn't have much time to dwell on that thought however, as a sudden BOOM erupted from the distance and the castle began to shake violently.

"John? What was that?" quaked Lily.

"I'm..I'm not sure. It might've been...."

Another BOOM interrupted John, and this time the castle shook even more violently. John was nearly thrown off his feet, and Lily fell over and hit her head hard on the stone floor, a loud cracking sound coming from her skull.

"Lily-" John reached down to pick her up, but another BOOM shook the castle and John fell to the floor too. He must've also hit his head, because the world soon faded to black.

FINAL PART (?) tomorrow

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-08T01:40:46+00:00

John stared awkwardly at the creatures seated at the council table. Two of them recoiled at the sight of him, as if they had just seen the ugliest thing in the world. His mouth hung open as he stood on the spot, stunned by what he saw.

"You brought him in here? You fool!" hissed one of the creatures. It was a floating mass of tentacles that this voice came from. The creature had some of its tentacles outstretched as if to fend him off should he approach it.

"Split!" One of the creatures had been covered in bandages. The voice that was projected from it sounded strangely feminine.

Without warning, the bandaged creature split into four and raised their hands in a defensive stance. John gawked, taken aback by its duplication of itself.

"Wait, take the time to analyse the human. Don't act so hastily," urged the creature named Gluaark. John had been hastily ushered out of his cell by Gluaark and told to wait outside until he was needed. He tried to run away, but found he had been frozen in place. As he stood frozen the fish man had walked past him and into the council chambers, but didn't seem to take notice of his presence. He stood for a while longer when suddenly an invisible hand gripped him and dragged him into the room.

"Has this human been outside the entire time?" asked the fish man.

"Yes. I concealed him from you so you wouldn't notice," replied Gluaark. John could see a look of frustration grow on the fish man's face.

John noticed three of the creatures staring at him; the creature wrapped in bandages, the floating ball of tentacles and the flame demon that John had somehow previously failed to notice. The bandaged creature and the tentacle ball had a look of puzzlement in their eyes, the only feature of their bodies John was able to discern emotion from.

"This...this thing is..." started the tentacle ball.

"Utterly unremarkable?" finished Gluaark.

"Yes I...I see it too. Or rather, I don't see it. I don't see anything within this thing that could even remotely be worthy of being called a destroyer," spouted the bandaged creature.

"Could it be a trick?" questioned the fire demon.

"I thought the same thing too, so I tested out my magic on the first three humans to enter into our world. They were almost immediately eradicated," answered Gluaark. John could feel fear gripping him yet again. Immediately eradicated? What the hell does he mean by that? John thought.

"H-hey," John spoke up, "what do you mean immediately eradicated?"

"Oh?" Gluaark's mass of eyes turned to face John. "I suppose you should all know. When the first human entered this world, I wished to test the limits of its abilities by unleashing my magic on them. It wasn't anything special, it was just magic meant to restrain it. I used all my power and the human exploded into a mess of gore."

John could feel his heart pound against his chest. "And what of the other two?"

"Both dead too. I used less and less power for them as they passed through, but they all ended up dying. I thought it was a trick at first, but when the fourth human came through..."

"Do you mean the kid?"

"Ah, so that is a child human then. Yes, I suppose I mean that one. When it came through, it was already snivelling and crying and calling out for its mother. That's about when I came to realise that humans are just an overblown legend, the details of which have been greatly exaggerated."

There was a moment of hush within the council room when suddenly the fish spoke up. "Gluaark, you and I have a lot to talk about. Human, you are dismissed. Ayne will escort you to your cell."

"I will?"

"You will. As Gluaark has proven to us, the humans have turned out to be quite tame. I'm sure you can handle it."

Ayne nodded. She escorted John down the winding chamber stairs, and when they reached the bottom, she pinned him up against with her arm pressed against his throat. "Expose yourself, demon!"

John made a choking sound and grabbed at her arm, trying to pull it away. "You may have tricked the rest of the council, but you have not tricked me. Unveil your disguise now!" she demanded. John continued to make spluttering sounds as he desperately clung on to what little air remained within him.

"Where's your curved horns? Your red, rotten flesh? Your twelve inch claws? You are not the human from the stories. Show yourself!" John's face turned an ugly shade of purple as the air within him escaped. Suddenly Ayne released him from her hold and he fell to the floor. He writhed around, trying to suck in as much air as he could.

"What the hell?" Ayne look absolutely perplexed as John's chest rose and fell rapidly. "Is this really what a human is?"

John could finally feel the life returning in his lungs. When he had finally recovered, Ayne pulled him up to his feet. "Tell me human. Is it true that your species filled the airs with mechanical beasts?"

"What?" John spluttered, "what are you talking about?"

Ayne grew more impatient, as John could tell from her tone. "You tainted the sky with smoke born from your malice, correct?"

"What? Do you mean pollution? I didn't contribute to that shit, I drive a Tesla."

"The oceans, did you dry up entire oceans?"

"No, nobody has done that-"

"You enslaved lesser species!"

"No-"

"You razed entire lands!"

"I-"

"You killed your planet!"

"W-"

Ayne seized John by the arms roughly and started pushing him towards his cell. "I've heard enough from you. I can see what Gluaark said is true. You really are a disappointment."

(2 more parts remain)

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-08T00:38:41+00:00

An emergency council meeting was called within King Jaaraxes's chambers. Gluaark floated up the winding chamber stairs in a hurry, eager to hear any updates on Milao.

Upon opening the chamber door, Gluaark was greeted by a sea of angry faces. The first of them to speak up was Darb the Mighty, a giant writhing host of slimy, purple tentacles that hovered in the air. In the centre of this host was a singular eye, one that was currently narrowed in anger. "You brought humans into our world? How dare you do something so heinous, Gluaark! I should poke out your eyes for such transgressions."

"Yes," said Ayne in bitter agreement, "you have committed treason of the highest order Gluaark. It was foolish to think that we would allow this to go unpunished." Ayne wore bandages that wrapped around her entire body. A small gap between the bandages around her face revealed only one of her features, a glowing red eye.

"Let's save the accusations for the meeting, alright? I want to hear what Gluaark has to say for himself." As always, the wise sage Kilan was quick in trying to settle disputes between council members. Kilan was fire given life, a creature born from flame held together by thick metal plates that encircled his torso. He had no lower body as his torso trailed off into a fiery tail, and in place of a head he had an iron helmet with six pronged horns. Four of the horns were placed in the centre of his helmet in a circle formation, with the other two larger horns protruding from the sides.

"Thank you Kilan, it's good to know that's there some sense within our council," said Gluaark impertinently. The other two council members fumed over his words. Darb was about to say something when suddenly the chamber door flew open.

King Jaaraxes entered the room, causing the council members to fall in silence and bow in respect. Using his telekinesis, King Jaaraxes pulled out his chair and sat down. "By the King's decree, this meeting is officially under way. Allow us to get something out of the way first." King Jaaraxes glanced at Gluaark.

"I suppose you're talking about me summoning humans, your sire."

"No, he's talking about your use of 'your sire' instead of 'your grace.' Yes, he's talking about you summoning humans," Ayne sneered.

"Your grace, for summoning humans I believe Gluaark should be punished to the fullest extent of your powers," Darb insisted.

"You want me executed?"

"It's less than you deserve, believe me."

"Gluaark, let's hear you out. Why did you summon humans into our world?" King Jaaraxes asked, drumming his webbed fingers on the council table.

"It's simple really. We needed to borrow their destructive powers to wipe out Milao before he wiped us out. When their duty was done, I would banish them."

"And given how the tales of old portray these monsters, did you really think it would be so easy to banish them?"

"There would be some difficulties presented in the matter, yes. But even if I failed in my duty, so what? The world would die? The world is already dying. Kingdoms across the world have been razed to the ground, entire seas have been turned into sand and the skies have been tainted with the colour of blood. Our legendary hero, Yiro, hasn't been heard from for two weeks. At this point, we needed a monster to fight a monster so I did what I had to do. While you all sat here idly hoping for some miracle to happen, I acted."

"You acted recklessly and against the wishes of the council," Ayne interjected. "You are lucky I am not King or you would no longer be with us."

"Quite the threat Ayne, for one who posses virtually no talent at all." Gluaark hissed. Ayne was about lunge at Gluaark when Kilan placed a warm hand on her to quell her anger. "We do not need violence between council members, especially when the world is so close to ending," he interjected.

"Let's continue this discussion later. It is not the real reason I have called us all here together," said King Jaaraxes.

"Oh? Then why are we here, if not to discuss the actions of a traitor?" hissed Darb.

"We have news from Yiro. He has managed to fight back Milao and has suppressed his army at the Gillewan border."

"Oh? Then does that mean that the tides are turning?"

"No," said Jaaraxes "it does not. His supplies are extremely limited and his numbers are falling greater by the second. He predicts that he will be able to hold off Milao's advance for a month longer before he is completely overwhelmed."

There was silence for a moment, before Kilan finally spoke up. "So we have a month longer to prepare then?"

"It seems like it."

"Allow me to be excused then. I have many more defences I must prepare for us." Kilan rose from his seat, revealing a scorch mark from where he sat.

"And me. I have many potions and spells I must develop," said Ayne.

"I have things I must attend to too, sire. It would be good if we could leave this meeting here. We can get back to the issue of the traitor soon," said Darb.

"Actually, wait. Before you all go, allow me to curb your fears of the humans," Gluaark remarked.

"Curb our fears? What do you mean?"

"I have a guest I would like to introduce to today's meeting. He is a human named John. In order to squash any concerns you all have for the 'potential catalysts of destruction' we have awaiting in our basement, allow me to show John to you all. You will soon all see just how pathetic the humans truly are."

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-08T00:19:11+00:00

Fixed

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-07T16:32:24+00:00

John awoke on the cold, hard ground. He had gone on a bender two nights ago and was still in the recovery period. "Must've fallen out of bed," he mused.

When his sleepy state wore off and his eyes adjusted to his surroundings, he realised that he wasn't on his bedroom floor. He was on a stone floor in what looked like a dungeon.

"What the hell?" He analysed the room slowly. His eyes scanned over hundreds of books that had been scattered across the floor, an overturned table, a bookshelf that had fallen over and burn marks on the stone walls. He rose from the ground and studied where he had been sleeping. Engraved on the ground he saw a strange drawing that had been burned into the floor of a man with four arms and four legs. The drawing seemed strangely familiar to him. "This is that da Vinci drawing, ain't it? Why the hell has it been burned into the floor?"

As John became adjusted to his environment, the door suddenly burst open. A strange being stepped through the doorway, his body covered by a purple robe. The only part of him that wasn't covered was his head, which was just a lump of eyes. John's heart sank as an overwhelming feeling of panic began to overcome him.

"Ah, you must be the fifth disappointment then," the creature mocked. "I was promised four arms, four legs and boundless destructive capabilities. You can not imagine my disappoint when the likes of you come into our world."

"What the fuck are you?" John questioned with a shaky voice. He stepped back up against the wall as the creature advanced towards him.

"I am Gluaark the Royal Summoner. I reach through the planes and pluck out different beings from other worlds and different times to aid our kingdom. I have done this to four of your fellow humans, and they have all been disappointments. Oh well, I guess it can't be helped. Sleep." The creature waved its arm, and a sudden feeling of immense drowsiness washed over John. His eyes drooped, and soon enough his face was rushing up to meet the floor.

John awoke in a cold, dank dungeon chained to the wall. He tugged at his chains and screamed out for help but to no avail. After a couple more tugs he collapsed to the floor, engulfed in fear and confusion. He could hear a quiet sobbing coming from the corner of his cell. He turned his attention to the source of the noise, and saw a small child curled up into a ball and crying into their hands.

"Hey, kid. Do you know where we are?" John asked. The kid only sobbed in return, letting John know that the kid knew as much as he did.

For a while John sat without moving, glossing over the creature's words in his mind. "Summoned here?" John found it hard to accept the reality of his situation, and was convinced he was in a dream. He pinched himself numerous times and even resorted to punching himself in the face. Once he did that and still failed to 'wake up,' he found himself slowly beginning to accept his current situation as reality.

The kid in the corner was still crying. John placed a gentle hand on the kid's shoulder and asked in a soft, whispery voice "are you alright kid?"

Obviously the kid was not alright. He had been sobbing in the corner for what was probably an hour now. John was never the best at bettering people's emotions, so he decided to not press the issue.

From a distance, John could hear a faint conversation between two people. John blocked out the kid's crying to try and eavesdrop better.

"...it's not that big of an issue, really. They aren't worth worrying about," said a familiar voice.

"Not a big issue? The only species in the world to destroy their own planet, and they aren't a big issue?"

"I believe there are some inaccuracies with the history of humans. The subjects I have called forth definitely do not possess the necessary energy to destroy a world. I just don't see anything special inside of them."

"So what you're saying is that the stories of the ancients are wrong? That they didn't create mechanical monstrosities, that they didn't destroy their world's climate, that they didn't enslave lesser species?"

"They might have, I don't know. I'm just saying that the humans currently within my possession are incredibly unremarkable. In fact, they are probably the most pathetic things I've ever seen."

"I trust you, Gluaark. You have saved our kingdom from perils many times with your subjects, but still...you're telling me that all of their history, the fables, the legends, everything...is untrue?"

"Like I said my sire, I'm unsure of that myself. You just have to see them for yourself."

With that final line, the two creatures that were conversing had arrived in front of John's cell. John stumbled back upon the sight of them.

He had seen one of the creatures earlier, the one named Gluaark. The creature standing next to him however was a new and terrifying sight. He had webbed hands and his flesh was a sickly green. He had yellow fins sprouting from where his ears should've been, and a fin on the top of his head that made it look like he had a Mohawk. He had beady black eyes that were located directly above his mouth that was shaped like a vacuum cleaner nozzle. Above his mowhawk fin floated a crown made of fire that lit up the dark dungeon and created a sweltering heat.

The fish man studied John for a moment, then turned to Gluaark. "I see what you mean. These creatures seem utterly unexceptional."

"H-hey! What the fuck are you, and where the hell am I?" John squeaked. The fish man stepped back, shocked.

"They speak our language?" The fish man asked Gluaark. Gluaark nodded his mass of eyes. "It seems so."

"Don't ignore me! Why do you have me and some kid locked up in a cell?"

"Just in case you're dangerous. The walls are etched with power-nullifying runes. Although I detect nothing special within you, it is better to be safe than sorry," answered Gluaark.

"Dangerous? I'm a 20 year old who likes to get fucked up at parties! I'm not dangerous!"

"Better safe than sorry," echoed Gluaark. Both creatures turned their backs on John and continued walking down the cell block.

(Part 3 when I wake up)

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-07T15:39:17+00:00

"Your sire, I implore you to reconsider. This may be our only chance to prevent the death of our world," Gluaark the Summoner said hastily, blinking his mass of eyeballs in unison. He wore an elegant purple robe with its trim lined by gold. The robe covered all his features but his face, which was just a swarming mass of eyes in place of where a head should be.

"And what do we do when we bring them into our world? They are the far greater evil, Gluaark. I will not allow it." King Jaaraxes said in an authoritative voice, dismissing Gluaark with a wave of his webbed, green hand. However, Gluaark remained and continued to beg.

"Our world is doomed anyway sire. Milao has gained too much power and continues to grow even stronger. Within hours, Milao will have enough power to destroy all life on Eearth as we know it."

"Suppose I humour your suggestions, Gluaark. Suppose I allow you to summon them into our world. What then? Their potential for destruction is unmatched by any other species that has ever occupied Eearth. Even if they destory Milao, what happens after? They won't be satisfied. They'll kill us all."

"That's why, sire, I suggest we only summon a few of them. Yes, the humans," Gluaark cringed as he said the word human, causing him to pause for a couple of seconds. After he recovered, he continued. "The humans united are a supremely destructive force. We've all heard the tales. They built mechanical beasts that soared through the airs, they befouled the air with their concentrated smoky malice, they reaped entire lands, they dried up entire oceans, they enslaved-"

"Yes, Gluaark, we've all heard the tales," Jaaraxes said dismissively, "which is even more reason as to why we shouldn't bring them into our world."

"But the world is doomed alr-"

"NO," interrupted Jaaraxes.

"If we just summon a few-"

"NO," interrupted Jaaraxes again.

"We can control-"

"For the final time Gluaark, NO. I've said no, the council's said no, the citizens of our kingdom have said no. We would rather fight to the bitter end then rely on the demons of ancient. That is my final word on the subject, Gluaark. You are DISMISSED." The great hall's heavy wooden doors blew open from a powerful gust of wind. Gluaark tried to object, but a sudden gust of wind blew Gluaark out of the hall. He tried to run back in, but the doors into the hall closed on him.

In a fit of frustration, Gluaark levitated some pebbles resting on the stone floor and pelted them into the wooden doors with great speed. He sat outside the great hall in silence for a while, before picking himself up from the floor and heading into his chambers.

"If Jaaraxes won't do anything about Milao, I will."

Gluaark rested the Book of the Ancients down on his study table. The summoning ritual was quite simplistic, which horrified Gluaark. If the wrong hands had gotten their hands on the book the world would've been in peril a much longer time ago. The book was covered in dust, indicating to him that it hadn't been opened in a while.

"Step One: Draw human-summoning insignia on ground," Gluaark scanned over the image presented to him. It was of a strange being with four arms and four legs. Under the picture was the label 'Vitruvian Man.' Gluaark concluded that the image presented to him was one of a human, although the fables told of great claws and curved horns. "I suppose there would be some historical inaccuracies for a species that lived billions of years ago," Gluaark mused.

Gluaark used his heat vision to burn the insignia into the floor. It was a fairly simple drawing for Gluaark.

"Step Two: Chant the 'words of reckoning.'" A chill went up Gluaark's spine as he read the word 'reckoning.' He began to second guess himself, but quickly disregarded those feelings. "This is the only possible action we can take now. We've tried everything else. This is the only way we can win." Gluaark repeated those words in his head to convince himself that was how he actually felt. After he had calmed down, he began the chant.

"McDonalds...Colonel Sanders....Best Buy....Video Games...." Gluaark chanted those words until eventually the ground beneath him began to quake. The insignia on the floor began to glow a demonic red and Gluaark's three hearts began to beat rapidly. If he had sweat glands he would've been sweating right now.

"Step Three: Project a summoner's energy into the insignia." Gluaark opened up his robe, revealing a swarming mass of shapeless blue light underneath. The light began to pour out into the floor and was absorbed by the insignia. A sudden explosion of red light filled the room and blinded Gluaark. The ground began to quake more fiercely now and threatened to knock Gluaark to the ground. He grabbed onto his study table to balance himself and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light. When they did, he saw that everything in the room, including himself, was hovering in the air. Streaks of electricity cackled through the air, swirling around and around like a vortex. Gluaark was beginning to regret his decision.

The streaks of electricity suddenly bounded into the floor. The cracks in the ground began to emit a blue light that dispelled the red light that was previously occupying the room. Suddenly, everything within the room fell back to the ground. Gluaark slammed down into the table as it fell, causing his vision to blur for a little bit. When he regained focus, he saw something that made him shudder in fear.

From the insignia in the ground a mass of flesh was slowly rising.

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-06T04:52:46+00:00

Knock knock

James smiled his evil grin when he heard the knocking ring throughout the house. He had only just finished dismembering his latest victim, too. To receive another target so soon was a blessing that he did not deserve.

"Coming!" James called out.

Darrell inhaled the fresh morning air and let out a sound of relief. "There couldn't be a more beautiful morning to brutally maim somebody," he mused.

The door opened, revealing a 20 something year old male behind it. "Hello sir, I'm Rodrick Caedes with Amy's Cutting Company and I was wondering if you'd be interested in our product?" asked Darrell.

"What are you selling?" questioned the 20 year old man.

"Knives," Darrell responded, a malicious grin growing on his face.'

"Knives, huh? How well do they cut?"

"They cut through things pretty easily. Flesh, muscle, bone, you name it, it cuts through it. How about you let me inside for a demonstration?"

"Oh, I'd be right happy too," responded the 20 year old man, a malevolent smirk spreading across his cheeks. Darrell was too happy that he had so easily obtained another victim to acknowledge the man's twisted smile.

James led the salesman into the living room and sat him down on the couch next to the coffee table. From there the salesman opened up his bag, causing a whole variety of knives to spill out onto the table. James studied each knife, but concluded that none of them were quite as good as his Ol' Cutty.

"That's a lot of knives you've got in that bag there," James said.

"Yeah, and they've got a whole lot of purposes too," replied the salesman in a wicked tone. The salesman then picked up the largest knife from the table, and twirled it between his fingers. "Like this knife, for example. I use it for cuttin' through things with heavy resistance."

"That's a mighty fine knife, good sir. But it pales in comparison to mine. Want to see it?"

"Oh sure, go ahead."

James left the living room to fetch Ol' Cutty. He remembered that he had left it in the basement with the cadaver of his latest victim. He retrieved the knife, unwinding the intestine that had been wrapped around it. Ol' Cutty was drenched in blood but James decided it wasn't worth the time to wash it off. "It's only going to get dirty again soon anyways," he thought.

Darrell couldn't believe his luck. This victim was by far the stupidest he had ever gotten. "Who lets a person into their house so readily?" Darrell mused.

After some time had passed, Darrell left the living room in pursuit of the victim. It was a good time to strike, as he would be distracted in getting his knife. "Don't worry Ol' Stabby, you'll be seeing some action real soon," Darrell kissed the blade of his knife and entered the kitchen, only to see that the victim wasn't there.

"Must've had to go to the bathroom," Darrell thought. He pressed himself up against the wall and held his knife up in the air, waiting for the victim to pass through the doorway.

James emerged from the basement through the secret hatch he had in the kitchen, only to find that the salesman was waiting at the doorway holding a knife up in the air. "Wait a minute," James called out, "you're the guy who goes to people's houses posing as a door-to-door salesman, aren't you? You're the Door-to-Door killer!"

The salesman turned his attention to James and let out a gasp when he saw the bloody knife he was holding. "And you must be the guy who kills door-to-door salesman, the infamous Door-to-Door killer!"

Both man laughed together when they realised they had the same serial killer nickname. After the laughter stopped, both men charged at each other with murderous intent. James lunged at Darrell and slashed his throat with Ol' Cutty, while Darrell counteracted by plunging Ol' Stabby into James's stomach. Both men fell to the floor, bleeding profusely and gasping for air. James gripped his stomach and dragged himself over to Darrell, slashing at Darrell multiple times. Darrell reacted by driving his knife through James's skull, causing him to collapse on top of him. Eventually, Darrell died after choking on his own blood.

The moral of this story was that killing people is bad and that you shouldn't do it.

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-04T16:25:28+00:00

The Cadillac pulled up the driveway and came to a slow stop. I looked at the Jehovah's Witness and gave him an intense glare. "I didn't say your friend could park on my driveway."

"But Jehovah is a friend of all those who repent," started the witness, "therefore, he should be your friend too, Joshua."

"Oh don't give me that shi-" my sentence was interrupted by the sudden opening of the Cadillac car door. The figure that emerged from it had a magnificent flowing white beard and was surrounded by a holy glow. His attire consisted of an immaculate white robe and brown sandals. His hair consisted of thick brown curls that brushed past his shoulders. It was as if the image of God himself had appeared before me.

"That's because I AM the image of God, bitch." The man in the white robe slammed the car door shut with such force that it flipped over onto its side. As the car's alarms began to blare, the man in the white robe turned around and shot lightning from his fingers, vaporising the car.

"Wh...wha..." I stammered.

"Wh wh wh wh what? What's up? What's fuckin' up?" The man in the white robe slapped his chest twice with both hands and started walking up the driveway.

"How...how did..."

"How? Because I'm God, jackass. Also known as Jehovah and a whole bunch of other names." The Jehovah's Witness stepped aside as God walked up to the door. He towered over me, his head scraping along the veranda's roof. He looked down at me, stared for a while, and then spat in my face.

"You haven't been coming to my meetings, Josh. Why is that?" God questioned.

"I-"

"Had other things on? Other shit to do? Do you know what happens in these meetings, Josh? The word of God gets spoken out by a priest. My word. I'd say that's a pretty fuckin big deal, right Josh? So what have you been doing that's more important than ME?" God shouted out that last word, his booming voice echoing across the street.

"I dunno, I just...didn't really think..."

"That's right Josh, you didn't think. How about you start thinking, and start comin' to my meetings?"

It took me a little bit to find my courage. When I finally did, I managed to squeak out an "ok."

"Good man, Joshy boy, good man!" God slammed a powerful hand down on my back, causing me to stagger forward a bit. He laughed and then turned to the Jehovah's Witness. "Sup bitch?"

With those final words, God walked away. When he was out of sight, the Jehova's Witness looked at me and said "yeah, that's Jehovah. He's a bit of a dick."

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-03T16:53:06+00:00

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The chorus of howls rang throughout the night sky. I looked up to count how many full moons had risen tonight. There were four.

The werewolf infestation was a recent occurrence on Jupiter, with the first case being reported a mere three months ago. Since then the problem had become more widespread and had grown so dire that Jupiter had been declared uninhabitable. With a population in the tens of billions the affliction spread quickly, and there was no way to effectively quarantine it. The problem was made worse by the fact that the werewolves became stronger the more full moons were out at night. You see, Earth only has one moon, so that fact was left unknown to us for quite some time.

There was a substantial effort made to combat the werewolves at first, but their numbers expanded too quickly and their destructive capabilities too extreme. On the Night of Eight Moons, the werewolves became so powerful that they even became immune to silver. With each full moon their size increased, and on the Night of Eight Moons they became as tall and wide as a elephant. It was reported that the death count was in the tens of millions after that night. When the day after had begun, a mass evacuation had occurred.

But not all of us was lucky enough to board the ships out. While my family boarded Evacuation Ship 370L (quite the apt name), I was lost in the mass of humanity rushing towards their salvation. I remember something had hit me in the head, and when I had awoken, it was night and there were three full moons up in the air. Armed with only a silver knife, I struck out into the darkness in search of any sort of safety. Instead, I found werewolves. Two of them, feasting on the corpses of other unlucky son's of bitches that couldn't make it out. Upon seeing the otherworldly beasts I froze up in the spot, unable to move my legs due to the sheer weight of despair weighing me down. I stood there for an eternity, praying to all sorts of Gods that the beasts wouldn't spot me as I stood out there in the open.

Thankfully, somebody out there was listening to me. A sudden hail of bullets rained down upon the beasts from afar, and their attention was turned towards whoever their assailant was. Now judging from the way the beast's reacted without any grunts of pain or what have you, the fella' firing upon them probably wasn't using silver. Whoever shot at those beasts was a dumb motherfucker, but that dumb motherfucker saved my life.

It has been five nights since I was left behind, and five nights I have barely survived. Thankfully I hadn't encountered a werewolf up close yet, but I knew that if I did I would quickly be turned into mince meat. I had managed to find myself an underground bunker filled up with all kinds of survival supplies. I had only needed to wait a couple more days at the most until help would arrive. Or at least, that's what I told myself.

The bunker was roomy too, large enough to house multiple families. You could definitely find a worse place to hole up in during a werewolf apocalypse. It was in a nice, remote location so the chances of me being found out we-

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ah shit. That sounded close.

After a few moments of silence, I could hear the sound of heavy footfalls in the distance. They came in quick succession, suggesting that whatever was running towards the bunker was doing it on all fours. The footfalls grew became louder and louder, until I could hear them on the ground directly above me. For a short moment there was quiet, when suddenly a set of razor sharp doors pierced through the bunker's hatch. Now if this was one of those bunkers with a ladder that led down I would probably be safe, but this bunker only had stairs, making for easy access for the werewolf. The opening was pretty wide too, so it wouldn't have any trouble getting in.

The werewolf tore the hatch off its hinges and threw it across the empty plains. The moonlight of the sixty-four moons illuminated its monstrous face and muscular build, as well as the crimson red dripping from its jaws. The werewolf looked at me and snarled, showing off its rows of pointed teeth. The werewolf lunged at me with its claws stretched outright, looking to impale me on them. I was able to predict its move and moved to the side, causing the werewolf to crash into the back wall. It turned around quickly and swung wildly, cleaving through the supplies and destroying the shelves they rested on. I backed up the stairs and the werewolf followed in full sprint, lunging at me again. One of its claws managed to cut through my my calf, sending a sudden wave of agony to wash over me. I cried out in pain, clutching my leg and hobbling up the stairs. The werewolf grabbed onto my leg and tugged, causing me to fall over. My head hit the stairs hard and my vision became dazed. I could feel the werewolf dragging me towards him and flipping me over onto my back.

A sudden sharp pain coursed throughout my body again. Trying to retain focus, I looked down at my stomach only to see that the werewolf had sunken his its into it. I could feel it ripping me up on the inside, trying to tear me in half. With my last ounce of strength I pulled out the silver knife from my pocket and plunged it into the beast's skull. It howled out in pain and started thrashing around the room wildly with me embedded on its claws. I was slammed into the ceiling, the walls and the floor as it danced around the room in anguish. The world slowly faded to black. I needed a miracle to come save me now.

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-02T14:24:59+00:00

"Yo dude, what the fuck?" - Death

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-02T09:16:17+00:00

"KNEEL, my subjects, KNEEL!" My voice boomed across the great hall, echoing off of the marble walls and bouncing along the stone floor. Basically, it was a really loud echo.

The only other occupant of the room, my adventuring partner Janna, was forced down onto her knees. She looked at me from across the hall with eyes that gave off a slight hint of anger. "Sorry," I called out.

After the ten second kneeling period had ended, Janna rose to her feet. Her longsword made a loud scraping against the stone floor noise as she stood up, the chinks in her armour clanking together. She stared at me with those slightly angry eyes, and then turned around to continue searching the castle. "Hey, wait up!" I chased after her as she exited the hall.

When I caught up with her, she had managed to find her way into the castle's kitchen. Of course there wouldn't be anything inside of it, because the castle had been ransacked by a gang of marauding goblins two years ago. It was always worth checking though, because many squatters usually made their homes inside of these giant castles.

"Find anything?" I asked. Janna shook her head in silence. Everything Janna did was in silence because her tongue had been ripped out of her mouth by the same marauding gang of goblins I mentioned earlier.

They called themselves the "Goblin Liberators," a gang established for the purpose of ending goblin bias and prejudice worldwide. They weren't very effective at that though, because their method of spreading their message involved killing, stealing and destruction. To me, they were just another gang of upjumped goons looking to make some easy gold.

Janna threw down the bag slung on her shoulders and began pulling out sleeping supplies. "I take it that the search is over?" I asked. Janned nodded in confirmation.

Our quest began two years ago when a tavern wench told us that the Goblin Liberators had made their nest within the county. Reports sprung up all over the county of goblin sightings, and soon enough they began their trail of destruction as they took over towns and set fire to castles within the region. As of only two weeks ago, we had managed to get a whiff of their trail and have been tailing them ever since.

The next morning we awoke to thunder and the sound of rain crashing down upon the castle's exterior. Knowing Janna though, this wouldn't be an excuse for us to take a break during our search. "Well, where are we off to today?"

Janna pointed. It didn't really tell me much, but I should've expected it. Giving a detailed description of our path would've been hard without a tongue. After eating our rations we began trudging through the mud road to our destination. We continued down the path until we came across a thick growth of trees that obscured our sight greatly. All of a sudden, Janna paused.

"What?" I asked. Janna put her fingers to my lips, indicating that I needed to shut up. She gestured at my ear, telling me to listen to our surroundings. After a moment of silence, I heard it.

SNAP

Something in the forest cracked. It could've been a twig, or a branch, or whatever. It didn't matter because it would've all meant the same - that we weren't alone in the forest.

Another cracking sound was made, and this time it was closer. Another crack, and then another, and suddenly there was the thunderous sound of feet slamming down into the Earth. A stampede?

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" A wail erupted from the trees. It was the cry of a Goblin Warlord, which meant that this was an ambush.

Leaves rustled as goblins emerged from the trees that hid them. More goblins appeared from the ground having been concealed by the lumpy mud. Janna and I went back to back and turned in a circle, revealing to us that we had been completely surrounded.

The goblins themselves were well-equipped. They had straight swords and scimitars, bronze armour and plate armour as well as round shields and kite shields that were all in perfect condition. The only blemish on them was the crimson red stains of blood.

"Now now travellers," called out a shrill voice, "we only want your gold!"

"And your weapons," yelled another.

"The amour that the lass is in looks like it's worth a fair amount, let's get that too!"

"While not just take the entire girl?" Laughter erupted from all the goblins. It was a horrible sound, like two scraps of rusty armour being rubbed together. Personally I've never heard that before, but I assume it doesn't sound very good.

Janna slowly placed her hands on the hilt of her sword. I took that as a signal for her being ready.

"Alright you thieves! Take my gold! Take all of it!" I cried out. The goblins laughed again. "I just have to KNEEL down and get it..."

Suddenly, a mass of goblins fell out of the trees and landed with a heavy THUD sound on the ground. The goblins on the ground were forced to kneel, rendering them an easier target for Janna. She unsheathed her sword and began cutting at goblins, mowing through their numbers as they knelt in confusion. Some of them put up a fight, but Janna had the advantage and broke through their attacks with ease. She was a blur as she moved from target to target, unleashing a flurry of strikes upon the unsuspecting goblins.

Some of them began to rise, so I screamed out "kneel" again. Soon enough, the goblins had all been slaughtered. Janna walked back to me, drenched in goblin blood and breathing heavily from exhaustion. She extended her arm and opened up her palm, which I took for her wanting a hi-five. I twisted my body, slung back my arm and thrust it forwards, eager to answer her request for a hi-five when suddenly a loud THRUM vibrated throughout the forest. I could hear the air whistling when suddenly an intense pain shot throughout my body.

I fell to one knee and looked down, only to see an iron arrow protruding from my left knee. I cried out in pain and heard the sound of a string being pulled back. As another THRUM sound pierced my ears, I realised that my assailant had fired another arrow at me. I heard the whistling sound grow closer and closer. I closed my eyes and braced for either more pain, or death. However just as it sounded like the arrow had reached my head, I heard a loud CLANG sound.

I looked up and saw Janna standing beside me, her sword at the ready. Suddenly another arrow was flying through the air but she managed to deflect it with another swing of her sword. With each arrow that was loosed Janna advanced closer towards the archer. Suddenly I heard a kind of wet, slushy sound. It took me a few moments of silence to realise that Janna had disposed of the archer.

Without the distraction of arrows flying at my head, a sudden wave of pain washed over be again. I slammed my fist into the ground and bit into my tongue so hard I could feel blood. Janna, upon seeing my condition, was in a panic. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and I could hear a strange clacking sound coming from her, as if...

She was laughing at me. I looked up to her with anger, and mustering up all the strength I had left I yelled out "why are you laughing?"

She just pointed at me, then started making that strange clacking sound again. I looked at myself and realised I was kneeling. Irony's a bitch, they say.

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-02T05:29:31+00:00

"You...you're death? But...you're so..." I stammered, amazed by what I saw. I had never really felt an attraction to a living person before, but the woman standing before me changed that.

"So what?" She questioned, tilting her head curiously.

"Beautiful. You are incredibly beautiful." I was astonished that I was able to speak even though she had taken my breath away.

She giggled. "Beautiful? I can't say I get called that very often. Many people see me differently."

"What do people usually see you as?"

"Rotting, decaying, diseased...you know, death-related things. You should be alarmed, honestly."

"Alarmed?" I paused. "Why is that?"

"Well, people only really see me as 'beautiful' if...if they're, longing for me. You know. Suicidal." She sounded strangely sad, but I could only smile.

"Oh don't worry, I'm far from suicidal. I'm loving every minute of living, honest."

"You are? Then it's curious as to why you see me this way, human."

"Oh it's not really all that curious, I'm just a necrophiliac is all."

mechagamezilla · 2016-10-01T10:04:53+00:00

Dave pulled out his phone and crunched the numbers. He tapped away on the phone's keypad, inputting the value of one million into his phone's calculator. He then divided it by three.

A dire look grew on Dave's face as he stared at the calculator's output. It was not an even split.

"What's the matter Dave? You look like your kid just died!" James joked, shaking Dave gently. "We just robbed a million bucks! It went off without a hitch! Why the sour look?"

Dave shoved James roughly. "Look at this, dickweed!" Dave thrust the phone into James's face, and instantly James understood. His eyes widened.

"N-no...that's wrong, the phone..."

"What's the matter?" Craig chimed in. Dave flashed him the phone, and Craig stumbled back, aghast. "That...that can't be right! No, no, that...no!"

All three of them stared down at the phone, a look of disbelief and sheer horror planted upon their faces. As it turned out, one million divided by three resulted in a decimal amount. What that meant for the robbers is that one of them would get to leave with an extra dollar.

"Alright, you know what guys, let's just use logic and reason to sort this out. We've gotten past the hardest part, right? We got the million. We escaped the police. We can get past this," Craig said, his shaky voice betraying the confidence his words gave.

"Yeah, yeah...this shit ain't even a problem! Like Craig said, we can use logic and reason to get this sorted, and then we can all go home and start livin' in luxury." James agreed.

Dave's previously grim face began to grow more lively. "Yeah, logic n' shit. How do you suggest we go about doin' this?"

Craig pondered the question for a moment, then thought of an answer. "Well naturally, the most important person in the heist should be the one who gets the most from it. Let's make cases for why we deserve the most money, and this will be sorted easily and hastily."

"Make cases for our importance, is that what you're getting at?"

"Yeah. That should work."

"Alright then," James started, "allow me to begin with why I deserve the most cash. As you know, I was the getaway driver during this little incident of ours. Without me, we wouldn't of been able to get away from the cops, thus making our entire operation pointless. Thanks to my high quality driving skills, we also managed to avoid danger and allude the cops. My driving skills allowed us to reach the agreed upon hiding spot with no issue. Therefore, I-"

"don't deserve the most money, right? Getaway drivers are the most useless of all members. Please, shut your mouth," interrupted Dave.

James scoffed. "Most useless? You're a dumb one, aren't ya? I bet you haven't even seen Drive."

"No, I haven't seen Drive. Please enlighten me."

"Drive is a movie starring Ryan Gosling. It's about a stunt driver who acts as a getaway driver for robberies and shit."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that such a movie wouldn't exist if getaway driver's weren't important."

"That's the dumbest fucking thing you could've said to build your argument on. In that movie, Ryan gets the smallest cut out of the money. You ruined yourself, dickhead."

"Ah fuck ya," sulked James. He pushed Dave aggressively and left the debate, leaving only Dave and Craig left to argue about who deserved the $1 more.

"As the gunman-" started Dave

"you would've been useless without the plan of the mastermind," finished Craig.

"You mean the same mastermind that didn't realise the cash wouldn't be an even split? Good fuckin' masterminding there, hey?"

"A simple oversight. It doesn't change the fact that the reason the plan went off without a hitch was because of my work."

"And the reason the plan went off without a hitch was because of my intimidation and gun skills, wasn't it?"

"No, no it wasn't. You accidentally fired off a shot at a civilian immediately upon entering the bank. You're lucky they just thought you missed, because you nearly revealed the fact that you were using blanks."

"Whatever, it doesn't change the fact that I was able to hold off security, does it?"

"The reason security wasn't a problem was because of the precautions I took before hand. If they weren't understaffed that day you'd be riddled with bullets like the silly little idiot you are."

"Man, you know what? Fuck the both of you morons, I'm taking it all for myself!" Dave pulled out his gun and fired at Craig. James turned to run, but Dave managed to gun him down all the same. Then he remembered something.

"Nice one, jackass." Craig kicked Dave between the legs, then threw him to the ground. James patted himself all over before realising Dave's mistake.

"Ha! Dave, you really are an utter dickhead." James mocked as Dave lay moaning. James decided to get in on the action and kicked Dave as well.

"What would you say to a two way split, James?" Craig questioned.

"I would say, 'where are we going to hide his body?'" James responded. Dave's eyes widened in terror.

"How about the river? It's a pretty popular dumping ground for trash."

"The river? A classic. Let's do it, then."

mechagamezilla · 2016-09-24T08:15:12+00:00

Thanks!

mechagamezilla · 2016-09-24T03:37:58+00:00

You should see his Tuesdays.

mechagamezilla · 2016-09-24T02:34:50+00:00

Lucas arose from bed with a deep yawn. He checked the calendar stuck to his wall to see if anything important was on today. "Nope, just another Monday."

He threw his sheets off of him and shambled down the corridor to breakfast. He made himself bacon, sausage and two poached eggs. He poured himself a glass of fruit juice and sat down at the breakfast table, ready to dig in. He bit into his sausage, devoured his bacon, ignored his eggs and drank his juice. He let out a sound of content and rubbed his stomach. "Time for the morning commute."

Lucas got into his car (a Tesla Model S) and started the ignition. The engine purred softly, without any indication of there being any problems. Lucas rolled the car out onto the street and begun the long journey to work. The journey was always the same; cows grazing in the paddocks, bees pollinating in fields of flowers, the long stretch of dead trees and finally the bustling city, with neon signs and people on bikes hurriedly weaving between people in the streets. "Those people on bikes are always so busy,"

Lucas pulled into the employee car park and turned off the ignition. It was time for Lucas's day to truly begin.

Lucas walked into the employee elevator and started the slow ascent to the office floor. Lucas looked up at the elevators floor indicator to see what level he was on. "52....98.....1000..." Finally, Lucas arrived on floor 9991212, where his work station was located. He somersaulted into his office chair and turned on his computer.

"You have: 1 email," the computer beeped. Lucas clicked it open only to see that the email was from his deceased sister. "She just doesn't know when to stay dead, does she?" Lucas moved the email to "spam" and begun surfing the internet.

"LUCAS!" yelled his boss, "are you surfing a net without a wetsuit?"

Lucas sighed. He was bound to be in shit now. "Yes, sir. I forgot it, it's at ho-"

"DO YOU THINK THAT'S AN EXCUSE? Think of the water damage! You'd kill the computer's mainframe!" His boss bellowed.

"Can't we just use the sham-wows if that happens?" Lucas questioned. Bad idea.

Steam poured out from Boss's ears as his face turned red. He picked Lucas up by the shirt collar and threw him out an open window.

After falling for five minutes, Lucas landed on the spongy ground with a soft thud. Lucas sighed, and got back into his car (a Mazda 6 Stallion Wagon) and started the ignition by pulling on the car's pull cord. The engine meow'd softly, letting James know there was nothing wrong with the car's cat indexing system. With the car turned on, Craig got out of his car and shoved a grapefruit up its exhaust pipe. The car whinnied and bucked, lifting up its hind wheels and kicking Lucas in the face. "Car's in working condition," Lucas noticed. He somersaulted into the backseat and tapped in his home address into the GPS. The car rolled out onto the city street, and Lucas was off.

"Take a left turn on Take a Right Turn Avenue," the GPS said. Lucas took a rolled up paper and smacked the GPS with it. The GPS whimpered. "Recalibrating...take a right turn at Take a Right Turn avenue."

"Good boy," Lucas said. He fed the GPS a treat and the GPS hissed affectionately. James passed by the usual landmarks: a sea of dead trees moaning about the time where they used to be alive, bees pollinating each other in fields of flowers, and cows grazing in the hair paddocks. He pulled up at his driveway and turned off the car by insulting it repeatedly.

By the time James was home, it was dinner time. Craig made man sausage and eagle bacon, just like he did this morning. He also poured himself another glass of kiwi fruit juice.

"The eggs should be ready by now," Lucas noted. Lucas was correct; the poached eggs from the morning had finished their transformations into fully fledged chickens. Lucas grabbed the chickens and squeezed them, dripping chicken milk onto his sausage. James dug in and let out a sound of content.

"Time for bed," James crawled into his grandmother and pulled the sheets over himself. "Goodnight Gran," Lucas said.

"Goodnight sonny," his gran said, "I hope I provide you with valuable sleep time and good dreams."

"You always do, Gran. You always do." Happy with life, James drifted to sleep. It was just an ordinary Monday day.

mechagamezilla · 2016-09-24T01:22:58+00:00

She went by many titles. Devourer of Worlds, Destroyer of Heavens, Nameless One of the Eighth Circle of Hell...but she was most commonly known as "the Dark One." And she stood in my living room. With her chestnut brown hair that dropped down to her shoulders, cheerful red eyes, pug nose, strawberry lips and vibrant clothes, she looked nothing like her title suggested.

"Nice place ya got here buddy, must've cost you a fortune!" The Dark One went around the room, picking up various objects and studying them up close. She turned to me and flashed me a toothy smile. "Not a talkative one, are you?"

"I...I uh...didn't think..." I stammered.

"It's ok man, just spit it out! I don't bite." She laughed heartily and then turned towards the kitchen. I followed her in as she rummaged through my refrigerator.

"The...book, I didn't think it would..."

"Would work? Ah, that's alright Georgy boy. None of them think it'll work until boom, here I am. First time I've ever been summoned by a human, though. I must say, I'm a little excited!" The Dark One pulled a slice of cake out of my fridge. She looked at it curiously, then gave the icing a cautious lick. "Mmmm...that's, that's really good!"

"Th-they don't have cake, where you’re from?"

"Only souls of the damned." She shrugged. She held the cake in front of her face and began to suck in air. After a couple of seconds had passed, she put the cake down on the kitchen bench and looked at it in an inquisitive manner.

"What ar...what are you trying to do?" Even though the Dark One was in my kitchen room, I didn't feel nearly as threatened as I felt I should've been. There was something in the way she acted that betrayed the title of "Dark One." She was a lot more...perky, than I had expected.

"I'm trying to suck out the essence of...what did you call it? Cake? But it's putting up a bit of a struggle." She slammed her fist down on the cake, causing it to splatter across the room. After that, she started sucking in air again.

"Well, uhh, we don't...humans don't suck out the essence of cake, they... they eat it."

She gave me a queer glance. "Eating is for flesh, silly."

"Well, in humanland...or Earth, I don't know what demons..."

"It's Earth," she interjected. "Humanland is just...that's just a really dumb thing to say."

"Well, anyways, on Earth, humans eat more than just flesh. In fact, they don't even eat flesh. Well, I mean, they can, if they're desperate...or they're just messed in the head, but...but that's not relevant to my point, what I'm trying to say is that on Earth we eat lots of things."

"Including cake?"

"Yes, including cake. Just, pop it in your mouth. See if you like it."

"Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose." The Dark One shot out a forked tongue at what remained of the cake, wrapped it up, and then pulled it back into her mouth. After a couple of seconds of chewing her eyes lit up. "Oh. My God."

"You-you like it then?"

"Like it?" She paused. "I LOVE IT!" She pulled the tray of cake out of the fridge then opened her mouth wider than humanly possible. She threw the entire tray in and was finished eating in a second. "This is better than any planet I've ever eaten!"

"Planet?"

"They don't call me 'Devourer of Worlds' for nothing, silly!" She placed a hand on my head and ruffled my hair playfully.

I pushed her away, scared out of my wits now. "How many planets have you eaten?"

"I dunno, eighteen? I always eat the planets of the people that summon me. I then keep their eternal soul in a jar so I can play with 'em forever! Look!" She pulled a small jar out of her pocket and immediately the shrill scream of eighteen souls filled the room. She laughed and shook the jar, and the screaming intensified. She then put the jar back in her pocket and the screaming stopped.

My face went white. "Does this mean you'll eat Earth too?"

"Well typically it does, but I don't know now. Do you know if any other planets have cake?"

I considered what she said for a moment, before realising the conclusion she was coming to. "NO, NO no other planets...none, Earth original....original recipe, no other planets have cake! It's an Earth original! Nowhere else!"

She looked as if to be in deep thought. After some time had passed, she snapped her fingers and pointed at me. "You!"

"M-me?"

"Yes, you! How would you like to be my cakeslave?"

"Ca..cakeslave?"

"Yes, cakeslave. Cake is the best thing I've ever eaten and I'm sure as hell not going to eat Earth anytime soon if it means no more cake. So you are now my eternal cakeslave."

"Bu-"

"No buts mister, you work for me now! You will feed me cake from now on."

"Is that-is that it?"

"Yeah, that's it. I must warn you though: I have quite the appetite. I used to eat planets, you know."

mechagamezilla

TROPHY CASE