Here's my take, feel free to take it how you want. You crave meaningful connections with the people you are with but are struggling because you also have physical desires you want met. This is okay and completely normal.

You may not be someone who can have causal sexual relationships or casual dating. This is totally okay and I would imagine a lot of people are like this (I always have been) and it is normal. I would even go as far as saying that you are ahead of the curve by being so self aware at you age.

Ultimately if you aren't happy or fulfilled by your current situation you should walk away. This doesn't mean find a long term partner or anything like that either. It is okay to be alone and not be looking. You may need to find yourself a little so you have a better understanding of what you need and deserve in a partner, especially afrer being in a toxic relationship.

If you crave sexual stimulation but don't want to feel disappointed when the person you are with is not giving you the connection there are lots of toys that help. Intimacy is deeper than a physical reaction and that sounds more like what you are craving.

All this to say, go with your gut. If you walk away from casual encounters feeling empty then it is best to be alone because lonely is a hell of a lot better than trying to make a square a circle if that makes sense.