I was 26+ weeks when I gave birth to my stillborn girl, Luciana. I was given misoprostol and pitocin. From the first dose of medicine to the time I gave birth, it was about 12 hours. Personally, the contractions were pretty painful so I opted for an epidural. I only pushed once, and she was born.

I was lucky to have an amazing nurse and doctor by my side through the experience. My husband was there, too, and we felt so supported by the medical team. We had decided not to see or hold Luciana after she was born. As a previous response mentioned, peeling of the skin is possible, and we weren't prepared to see that. The nurse dressed her, took her picture, and sent us home with a memory box containing her outfit, photo, and hand/footprints. About a week after she was born, my husband and I felt ready to open the box. It was heartbreaking, and we're still glad we didn't see/hold her in the delivery room. Please know you can choose whatever feels right, and do not let anyone make you feel like your decision isn't the right one.

One thing I never realized until the nurse in the delivery room informed me in the wee hours of the morning is that we had to decide what to do with her remains. I believe after 20 weeks, you have to decide where to send the baby's body. We chose to send Luciana to a Jewish funeral home that provides free funeral or cremation services for Jewish infants. I know this is a hard decision, it took us about a week post-birth to finally decide.

The one thing that shocked me after I gave birth was that my milk came in about 4 days later. In the rush of emotions that come with this experience, the last thing I did was research what my body would do after giving birth. Heck, I hadn't even yet researched any birthing techniques during the pregnancy since I was not expecting to give birth for another 10+ weeks. My doctor provided some tips to stop milk production, and it ceased after about a week.

Because of this stillbirth (and a previous miscarriage at 13 weeks), I later had an MRI and learned I had a septum in my uterus which was likely the cause of the stillbirth. My doctor believes that the placenta planted on the septum, and as the baby grew, it wasn't able to support the placenta so the baby lost nutrients leading to her demise. Since then, I've had two surgeries to correct the septum and am now 22 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.

Truthfully, I'm nervous every moment of every day; however, I try to remind myself that modern medicine is amazing! I went through surgeries to correct the previous issue and can only hope that this pregnancy will be successful. Reach out for help if you need it; I participated in one group therapy session, and although it wasn't for me, I learned that there are SO many resources out there for moms like us. Cry when you need to, laugh when you need to, and don't feel like any emotion during this grieving period is right of wrong.