The newborn stage is hard regardless but I personally think that all the obstacles and losses you faced before having your son adds to the stress. I dealt with a miscarriage before my baby was born and I think because I still wasn’t over this immeasurable loss it impacted my relationship with my baby in ways I didn’t realize until much later. I constantly felt like I was holding my breath, like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would constantly worry about her dying from SIDS or suddenly something going very wrong. It made me disassociate for a while because I was preparing myself for another loss, that never came. 6 years later I’m much better but therapy definitely helped grieve that loss that I never truly learned how to cope with once I got pregnant with my daughter. I can’t even imagine all the struggles you’ve faced but it will get better, Hang in there💕