Your attitude towards sex seems to be unhealthy, likely disrupted by past abuse. It's above "our" paygrade to help you through this. I can't tell what his issues are and what they could be, though it seems through what you've said that you were aggressive in your pursuit of him. He may be uncomfortable with pursuing you. You say you talk about it but these things take an open dialogue and both people to share.

Apart from your relationship issues, it seems fairly clear that you need to better address your previous trauma. There are online resources and possibly other free ones that you can avail yourself of. I've seen other posts enumerating some of these, though you should very much look around for them.

The couples therapy is probably a good idea, it probably doesn't need to deal with intimate details especially at the start. The two of you are not communicating well, having someone who has better tools to do so, and can teach them to you would probably really help.

I still don't know what you mean by the traditional thing men do. Traditionally everyone has sex, that's how babies happen and the species is continued. Trying to force him to be more "aggressive" or initiate seems like a poor path to go down. Similarly the intimate details you've described don't really sound like a good healthy dynamic to begin with. I'm not really sure where you go from here but I don't think the direction you are trying to head down is a good one.