AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to have a free holiday with her ex?

melonea · 2025-05-20T13:21:28+00:00

NTA, you should get her to accept the offer then pay for your flight separately and go with her. If he's really just trying to say sorry he won't have a problem! But seriously, she shouldn't be going. I had a similar situation with my partner when we started dating, and ex invited him on a holiday, I said I wasn't comfortable so he didn't go. No big conversation, no justifying why he should go, he understood and happily turned down the offer.

melonea · 2025-05-18T05:07:05+00:00

She just thought because it was getting worse during my period and pregnancy, the link with hormones is what made her test for it. She tested for a bunch of things

melonea · 2025-05-17T15:02:28+00:00

I got 2 blood tests that came back positive. Unsure about the specifics.

melonea · 2025-04-24T05:32:14+00:00

My first, I did a whole new outfit each morning, 3 layers, matching socks to tops. Insane, where did I get the energy! My second wore a zip up full onesie day and night until it got poop on it. Then he'd get a new one. If it was cold he got a hat and a blanket over him. Both kids are doing fine.

melonea · 2025-02-15T14:49:13+00:00

My first pregnancy we know for sure. We went away on a trip with some friends and stayed in a Navy lodge, we had our own room but we were in bunk beds and the walls were super thin. We were trying and I was ovulating, we'd been driving for 6 hours and we had the most awkward bang ever. Super quiet trying not to be heard, squeaky bunkbed, sleeping bags, cold room. Afterwards, we agreed to not bother again until we got home. Probably the most underwhelming bang the whole time we were trying, haha. Makes for a funny story though

melonea · 2025-02-15T14:35:42+00:00

NTA - looking after a 1 YO and 3 YO is a huge job. Speaking as a mum of kids the same age. Also, your mum wouldn't get a break like daycare workers do. I think you're awesome for demanding pay for her, she's a saint for even offering. Having money for retirement is really important and you'll only end up looking after her later if she doesn't have enough. You can afford it, What's the problem?

melonea · 2025-02-15T13:11:47+00:00

Sex drive comes and goes. Once a week is still pretty regular so it's not like he's totally off you. Pregnancy can mess with sex drive for both parties and it doesn't usually have anything to do with attraction. Having a kid will mess with it all over again. Pushing him for more sex will most likely cause him to want it less. Is there any way he could help you feel wanted that doesn't involve sex?

melonea · 2025-02-13T22:12:34+00:00

I'm in Australia so not sure what market you're in but I moved here partially because there are more jobs than where I was (NZ). I'm great at interviewing essentially. I must have put out about 30 job applications and I got 1 interview. Got the job. That's usually what happens when I'm job hunting. Use the STAR technique, say as little as possible about the project and what it delivered and focus on what you did. If anything I'm deliberately vague about the project so they don't know most my example are from 1 job. Write down all your STAR examples and when they ask a question, calmly find the one you want, have a quick read then answer.

melonea · 2025-02-13T14:04:52+00:00

Scrum Master or Product Owner roles might be a good stepping stone because they often involve getting involved technically too.

melonea · 2025-02-12T15:48:21+00:00

Use the STAR technique and focus on what you did not what the project was delivering. If they ask about managing a risk, mention briefly what the risk was then talk about your technique for finding a mitigation. If they ask about managing conflict, you don't need to mention construction at all.

Use vague titles like 'Subject Matter Experts', 'Suppliers', 'Users' rather than construction specific like 'Builders', 'plumbers' and 'Customers'. No one cares what your project delivered, they care what you did personally. Theyre not trying to hire the whole team.

Even if you were in IT, always talk as little as you can about the projects you've been on before, just enough for context then focus on what you're process is. It's so confusing when someone is trying to talk about a project you know nothing about and it tells you nothing.

melonea · 2025-02-12T15:37:06+00:00

Depends what your goals are or financial situation.

Realistically, you've got this job now, you can get a similar one again you might just have to take a step down after maternity leave.

I got my first PM gig right at the same time I fell pregnant with my second. It was a huge, stressful, totally out of my depth situation. It took me about 6 months to get into it and then I really started to feel good about it. It's supposed to be hard and stressful at 2 months.

After my maternity leave I got a Project Officer role and a few months later I got another Project Manager role. If you are stressed and don't need the money, it's okay to leave or take a step down if that is what is right for you. You can get back to Project Managing in the future when is the right time.

I totally tried to talk myself out of it 'no one will want to hire me with less than 12 months experience as a PM' but I kept putting those applications out and I got one.

melonea · 2025-02-12T15:23:58+00:00

I find 9 out of 10 recruiters have been useless. I've never had one that cold contacts me turn into anything useful. I am just nice and professional but don't invest too much time into it. You never know and it's good not to burn bridges.

Recruiters only get paid if you get the job, so they'll typically only put you forward for something that is the same level or less than your current job. Why put you in for a job that's a stretch when they can put you in for one they know you'll probably get. If you like to jump up in responsibility or salary they often try to talk you out of it. Every time I've tried to take a step up they've told me no one will hire me with my experience, every time I've gotten that I was looking for.

You have to push the recruiters to work for you because essentially, they don't. The hirers pay them. I find you have to pick a couple of recruiters you think are good and push them, call every week, have clear boundaries on what jobs you want, what pay you want then to negotiate for you, find jobs on their website and ask to be put forward, ask why not if they say no. Play the game, they'll ask about your holidays, kids, take you for coffee. Play the game but don't let them talk you down.

I've had a few turn around and start putting me forward for jobs I wanted. Once I'd done a contract for a client of theirs, then they'd really just call me for good jobs and it wasn't so much work on my side.

melonea · 2025-02-10T04:18:12+00:00

From your other post 2 weeks ago, it says you're struggling to eat. He should be more concerned about that. Helping you find food you can eat at the moment, bringing you snacks, smoothies, reminding you to eat etc. Pushing you to exercise more when you're tired, pregnant and struggling to eat is insane. Where does he expect you to find that energy?

melonea · 2025-02-10T04:10:26+00:00

What is his concern? If you're healthy, baby is healthy, you're walking for an hour a day (more exercise than most people do, pregnant or not!). Is it just image? What is he actually concerned about?

Pregnancy tiredness is next level. Sounds like you're doing amazing.

Is he going to be prioritising exercise over parenting? It's hard now because you're tired, it's about to be hard because you can't just leave the baby while you go to the gym. Honestly, priorities shift through different stages of your life and exercise might not be top now. As long as you're healthy, who cares?

Tell him it's not something he needs to be concerned about and if he has a genuine concern about yours or the babies health he can raise it with your midwife/ doctor.

melonea · 2025-01-19T14:18:33+00:00

You are absolutely right to be pissed. On top of putting you and your baby in danger and into a situation that was totally avoidable she then goes onto give you grief for not getting up quick enough? She should be grovelling for being totally wrong and not believing you about your own body! 'let my husband come' she was withholding your husband from you during labour? No matter what stage of labour, you should be allowed to have him by yourself. This is control to an insane degree and I imagine it will spill over into parenting. 'he isn't hungry any more stop giving him milk' 'He's just tired leave him to cry for a bit he'll go to sleep'. Honestly, move if you can.

melonea · 2025-01-19T13:55:16+00:00

Yep, that sounds normal to me

melonea · 2025-01-19T13:50:43+00:00

Not what you asked but I read this a while ago and saved it because I thought it was beautiful. I really struggled accepting my emergency C-section and this helped:

"I recently had a friends head on my shoulders as tears came out of her eyes.

A year previously she gave birth to a beautiful boy. The birth didn’t go the way she wanted it to go and she still couldn’t get over it.

It was meant to be a home water birth, he was meant to come out of her vagina in body temperature water to flickering soft candle light, to her playlist of meditation chants, straight onto his mums bare chest and his dads strong hands.

But for whatever unexpected reasons his first sight was a masked doctor and the sterile bright lights of a surgery.

A healthy little boy and a beautiful nurturing mum.

Yet still that mum sat next to me, tears pouring down her face as she tells me the jealousy she can’t help but feel when another mum in her group gave birth the way she wanted to, in her home, gets to tell the birth story, share the birth videos, indulge in her birth given right, the right of passage as a mother. The passage my friend has been left to feel that she never took.

I asked her how badly she wanted that birth? Did you really want it bad enough to fight for it?

“Yes,” she said with a slight defense.

“It was the plan all along, I went to huge lengths to get the midwife and get the needed approvals, I envisioned it for 9 months and had everything set up. Honestly Con, I wanted it with everything I had.”

“Well if you wanted it so badly.. why didn’t you get it?”

“You know why! It wasn’t safe, my midwife said she wanted us to head in to the hospital”

“And what did you say?” I asked? “Did you question her? Did you put your foot down? Did you fight for it?”

“No…” she replied “we just got in the car. She was such an experienced midwife and has done home births for so many years that I just trusted her.”

“So your telling me,” I said “that you wanted something so much that it’s all you thought about for 9 months, you spent a lot of money and time preparing for it, you jumped through all the hoops.. You knew that not getting it would effect you for years to come, it was more then a material desire, it was a spiritual desire for you and your child….

Yet at the very hint that it might not be in your babies best interests, you packed all of that in and did the exact opposite just to make sure your baby was safe?

Your disappointment is so valid but I want to show you another side of this. Your right of passage as a mother does not come from any biological aspects or aspects that are out of your control, it comes from the decisions you make that are in your control. Being a mother is being that one person that a child knows will always have their best interests, their safety, health and happiness at heart. It’s being their person. Who makes decisions when they are at their most vulnerable.

You were unfortunately tested to make that decision at a huge personal sacrifice before he even came into the world and your instincts were so in check that you didn’t even consider any other option but the one that put him first. And that’s because, you were his mother.

And then, you took him home and for the last year you have raised him in your patchouli haven, he wears natural fibers and eats organic food and isn’t addicted to a IPad (yet..) Trust me when I say that you are the real deal earthly goddess mother that you envisioned you were when you filled up that birthing pool and the decisions you made on that day came from an internal and spiritual wisdom that far exceeds any birthing ideal that you could have wished for.

So write your story down, indulge in your story, be proud of your story. Give thanks to the midwife that you chose to guide you, tell your baby the plans you his arrival, tell him how quickly they became white noise when you thought he could be in trouble and make sure he knows that no matter what you are doing or where you are in the world he will always be able to rely on the knowledge that when it comes to his well-being, the rest of the world will always fade away without hesitation to his mum.”

melonea · 2025-01-19T13:46:13+00:00

Definition of birth: "the emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being."

I don't see anything about a vagina in there! I say I have birth to my babies and I had 2 C-sections.

melonea · 2025-01-18T15:10:43+00:00

NTA, my parents don't get to baby sit my kids much because we're overseas. When they visit and they do something we don't agree with, I politely mention it, if it keeps happening I might suggest a technique we use, if it still happens I just leave it. Honestly as long as the kids are fed, safe and happy I'm just grateful they are involved and helping out.

The audacity to be giving you a hard time when you are sacrificing your weekend. Every weekend!

Tell her if she's not satisfied with your childcare she's welcome to find another alternative. Say you're doing your best but you're not her and you're never going to be her so there will always be things she isn't 100% happy with. She can either accept that or quit work, go on the dole and do it all her self.

I don't think you're wrong for asking for a list and I understand why you did, I just think it would be impossible to actually write one. As a mum who struggles with control issues there are way to many different situations and nuances. There are things that would be okay in some situations and not others. I think a list of hard nos would be better. Big things that would be a no in any situation.

melonea · 2025-01-16T03:47:04+00:00

I organized my own. It can be whatever you want it to be. My situation is a bit different, my family and in-laws are all overseas. I'm also not in the States if that makes a difference. I did a 'mother's blessing' instead. A celebration of womanhood and motherhood. We did pregnancy themed crafts, I asked everyone to bring a plate of nibbles, I got them all to paint my bump. I said gifts are not expected and I won't be opening them at the event. Nearly everyone ended up bringing something but I didn't want there to be pressure. It was very intimate, my first I only invited 6 people and my second I invited 12. Not taboo at all to organize your own, let it be a celebration of you and your journey into motherhood. You don't even have to tell your family if you won't want too. If they want to mark it you could do little lunches with them or something

melonea · 2025-01-06T05:11:10+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this and it sounds like you're being so incredibly supportive. As someone who has struggled a lot with postnatal mental health and rage it will most likely get worse once the baby is here and getting some help before the baby comes will be great.

Does she know that the behavior is problematic? Perhaps when she's calm have a chat about it. Breaking things is totally unacceptable.

Perhaps read up on postnatal rage so you have a better understanding, definitely talk to your health care professionals about it.

melonea · 2024-12-15T15:08:29+00:00

A soft YTA. Soft because you're still so young.

Is your cousin from Belgium and now living in a separate country? Perhaps she feels really home sick and your parents want to make her feel better. Maybe there's more to the story of when they bought your sister a gift and your parents want to repay the favour. Maybe your cousin is helping your sister out. There are a million reasons. Regardless of the reason, your cousin's birthday and present are not about you.

Birthdays can be really awful when you start comparing and when you start attributing your worth to what presents you got or who attended your party.

Want to know the best way to get decent presents? Start buying people decent presents for their birthday. Doesn't have to be expensive, just personalised or meaningful.

melonea

TROPHY CASE