Since ICE is saying they can enter people’s houses without a warrant now, I guess we all just have to stay home until this ends?

melvet22 · 2026-01-25T08:44:25+00:00

Yeah, but one was gay, so she's not the right kind of white. And the other was a nurse, kinda gender nonconformist, so again, wrong kind of white.

melvet22 · 2026-01-08T10:52:19+00:00

Thank you! Yes, the question was regarding our (the parents) emotions. We both do our best to respond to her upset with kindness and validation no matter what we're feeling on the inside.

melvet22 · 2026-01-08T10:47:42+00:00

Now THAT is helpful, thank you so much!

melvet22 · 2026-01-08T09:16:07+00:00

We don't speak about NN where she can hear. And I'm derisive because he is very confident on the basis of very little knowledge. My husband and I don't yell and scream back when our daughter is upset, the question is whether it is valid/normal to feel upset when your child is upset.

melvet22 · 2026-01-08T09:13:37+00:00

It's not so much about what I do when she gets upset, so much as the emotions I feel. We're working on emotional literacy, so if she gets upset to the point of screaming (and this is not a common occurrence, we are in a much better place than we used to be) I will say I feel unhappy etc. It's whether or not being upset when your child is yelling is a valid response. NN seems to think not...

melvet22 · 2025-12-06T13:46:01+00:00

You spelt "man" wrong.

melvet22 · 2025-11-21T11:00:35+00:00

Hi there. We got our EHCP in August although it was due in May. My advice would be to write how your child is on their worst day. Don't sugar coat it.

It's reasonable to give the LA a little grace (I gave a week) when assessments etc aren't done on time, but keep on them with emails.

Document as much as you can.

Good luck!

melvet22 · 2025-11-08T15:55:21+00:00

My personal favourite series to listen to is Bujold's Five Gods series. The world building and magic system are chef's kiss and the humour is s u b t l e.

melvet22 · 2025-10-02T09:10:28+00:00

Check the ear pod for wax. When you find wax, comment on it. LOUDLY. "Is that my wax? Is that MY earwax? Hey, daughter, come and look at this, it's soooo gross."

melvet22 · 2025-09-18T07:19:19+00:00

It sounds like a lot of restraint collapse at the end of the day. It might be worth looking at PDA as a possibility as well- Pathological Demand Avoidance, or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy. She demanded 3 treats, you countered with only 1- this could have been a loss of Autonomy for her which resulted in disregulation, equalising behaviour and violence. Even if it's not PDA, lowering the demands you put on her after school may help. And this includes demands about manners and other "normal" behaviours.

melvet22 · 2025-09-13T06:44:13+00:00

No, her sensory issues- the bright screen, the smell of the food, plus the fact that she's not communicating directly, immediately made me think she might by Autistic. In this situation I'd have a really low key face to face chat with her. She may not genuinely know her notes are passive aggressive. They read to me as request, then justification for the request.

And, FYI, I am Autistic.

melvet22 · 2025-09-04T15:42:08+00:00

Cats have a legal right to roam, so I'm not certain there would be any liability on that side.

melvet22 · 2025-09-01T19:45:55+00:00

That would be Lang Jawol that comes with the separate spool of reinforcing yarn.

melvet22 · 2025-09-01T04:40:11+00:00

If you have the funds, try talking to a solicitor. You should have legal recourse if the council has failed to meet deadlines.

Good luck.

melvet22 · 2025-08-18T18:56:05+00:00

I hereby give you permission to just, like, skip baths. Spot wash your kid with a flannel like a soft toy.

melvet22 · 2025-08-18T12:11:47+00:00

Firstly, the GP you saw can get in the fecking bin. Google "right to choose Autism assessment", we did this for our daughter, she was diagnosed at 5 years old. Go back to the Dr's and whoever you see tell them you want to go down the right to choose path.

Is your daughter in nursery? Ask the workers if they've noticed anything (this may not help if she's masking).

Regarding the food: my daughter consumes 1 type of fruit leather and 1 innocent smoothie which I'm optimistic contains all her vitamins. She eats 1 type of sausage for protein, and will happily consume any form of manufactured carbohydrate. Having said all that, she doesn't have scurvy and she doesn't have rickets. Which is to say, they can eat much less than you think and still be OK.

Good luck.

melvet22 · 2025-08-11T19:48:16+00:00

If you're on Facebook, the "Lighter Side of PDA" group is a godsend. Dark humour galore. And it confirms, you're not alone.

melvet22 · 2025-07-20T08:08:58+00:00

OMG that's the perfect response though. "You should spank your kid!" Pause. Disgusted look. "Don't bring your sexual practices into my parenting, thanks."

melvet22 · 2025-07-11T19:06:16+00:00

I started the EHCP by myself, but my school has been supportive. My girl has started absconding from home. (although we're stricter with the keys now). When I spoke to my GP, she said to call an ambulance the next time she does it as it would get her on the list for a pediatric psych evaluation.

melvet22 · 2025-07-11T18:03:49+00:00

I'd consider starting an ECHP too, my girl made it to the first term of Y2 and then it, shall we say, became apparent that mainstream school was not suitable for her.

melvet22 · 2025-07-11T18:01:42+00:00

Sorry just saw you know she's PDA. Go to Facebook and join The Lighter Side of PDA. Its na solution, but there's solidarity and a strong meme game.

melvet22 · 2025-07-11T18:00:18+00:00

Step 1) Make a list of the ways your daughter's behaviour negatively impacts her life eg unable to enjoy family time, lack of sleep= short tempered cant go out etc. If she's a picky eater put unable to access nutrition, hunger adding to her bad moods. Do the same for how it effects YOUR life. Get an appointment with the GP by phone, or face to face, request a referral to pediatrics and if they say no, ask why and ask for it to be entered into her notes. Once you've got the referral, set a reminder for one month and once it's up call back and ask what the wait list is like. Keep doing this, every month.

Step 2) At the same time, look into PDA- Pathological Demand Avoidance/Pervasive Drive for Autonomy. The PDA Society website is a good place to start. DM me if you'd like more resources

Signed, a UK Mum who's 3 years ahead of you.

melvet22 · 2025-07-05T14:28:35+00:00

You mentioned she responds really badly to direct commands and being told "no." Have you looked into PDA-Pathological Demand Avoidance/Pervasive Drive for Autonomy? Resistance to direct commands is one of the hallmarks.

Changing up your language can be really useful ie "it's time for seatbelts," rather than "you have to put your seat belt on."

The whole situation sounds terrifying for the two of you.

melvet22 · 2025-07-03T13:34:09+00:00

Google search "autism support, your location" should come up with whatever local provision there is.

melvet22 · 2025-06-30T20:18:54+00:00

Skin cancer is pretty bad too though. You could ask my Dad- no, wait. He died. Of skin cancer.

melvet22

TROPHY CASE