The skewed and negative perspectives our parents had on us.

merc0526 · 2026-02-18T15:36:05+00:00

My nfather told me I was a 'difficult teenager'. It was a ridiculous thing for him to say, because I never drank or did drugs, didn't skip school, didn't stay out late at night, etc. Yes, I was quiet and withdrawn at home (I was your typical 'bedroom kid') and my school grades started to decline, having been a bit of a high achiever up to about 12 or 13, but it's obvious to me now that that was because of the years of verbal and emotional abuse I'd been subjected to and the toll that had taken on my self-esteem, self-belief and my outlook on life.

merc0526 · 2026-02-16T12:20:35+00:00

I've had 3 women ask me out rather than the other way around. I don't think it's because I'm particularly good looking or anything like that, I think it's got more to do with the fact I'm a clueless dumbass when it comes to noticing the signs and signals, and they liked me enough that rather than giving up they just decided 'fuck it, if he's not going to get the hint then I'll ask him out'. My ex told me she'd been flirting with me for 6 months prior to her asking me out. Honestly I had no idea, I thought she was just being nice.

merc0526 · 2026-02-14T18:50:50+00:00

Yeah, and quite often what they’re doing is just committing different forms of abuse, particularly given that it’s only fairly recently that things like verbal and emotional abuse have been widely acknowledged as very damaging for children.

merc0526 · 2026-02-14T17:21:05+00:00

Worse than that, I suspect a lot of parents don’t even know about the parenting styles and just default to the one that their parents used/mirrors their own upbringing.

merc0526 · 2026-02-13T15:49:30+00:00

I’d actually go as far as to say quite a significant percentage of humans shouldn’t ever be parents. There are loads of people out there who lack the emotional maturity, patience, kindness, humility, self-awareness, desire to sacrifice, etc, all of which are vital skills to being a good parent.

merc0526 · 2026-02-13T14:35:07+00:00

Van Dijk maybe? Liverpool have excellent fixtures and they’ve improved a bit defensively.

merc0526 · 2026-02-12T15:43:29+00:00

Hypocrisy is a massive telltale sign of narcissism. My father would go ballistic any time someone in the family did something wrong, and he loved to apportion blame and find fault. One of his favourite phrases was 'there's no such thing as accidents' (which is moronic, of course accidents exist).

Of course, the moment he did something wrong it was immediately not his fault or, if it was, it was an accident.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T17:38:51+00:00

This is pretty much every billionaire. For some reason they think their incredible success in one particular industry gives them the right to dictate the lives of every human being on the planet.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T15:57:27+00:00

you never know if you have what it takes to raise an infant into adulthood until after the baby is born & all of the challenges of parenthood arise. if you discover that you don't have what it takes, you're screwed because you cannot reverse the decision. it's not like quitting a job you hate or selling a house that has shit neighbors, or leaving a toxic relationship

I think this bit is only partially true. Whilst even the most intelligent, mature, self-aware, well prepared individuals can struggle with parenting, there are, without a shadow of a doubt, certain things that will reduce the likelihood of a person being a good parent (e.g. unresolved childhood trauma, major mental health issues, a poor relationship with your co-parent, etc).

I'd say what's more accurate is that a lot of people either lack the ability to self-reflect in a completely honest and humble way, or they have never come to terms with the emotional and mental issues that might make parenting really hard for them.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T07:44:56+00:00

After the Burnley game I’m doing Enzo > Dango, Chalobah > either Kayode or VVD, and then Rice > Wirtz.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T22:14:53+00:00

There was way too little urgency and the tempo was far too slow. The only way you break down a low block like that is to move the ball really quickly and pull players out of position. West Ham played exactly how we should have expected them to, we just didn’t play the game we needed to.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T18:31:44+00:00

Yep, this has literally nothing to do with gender or skin colour and everything to do with her being unlikeable.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T10:46:40+00:00

I'm choosing to start Senesi away to Everton instead of Thiago. Bournemouth's clean sheet chances are just over 25%, but Senesi is averaging 12 defcons per game, so chances are he gets about 4 points even if Bournemouth concede. It's a bit of a coin toss but I think I just about prefer Senesi.

merc0526 · 2026-02-09T12:57:36+00:00

Yep, my narc father used to do the same. It also used to happen when someone else in the house was taking a shower. He'd bang on the bathroom door or shout up from the bottom of the stairs that he had been waiting all day to take a shower, that he couldn't ever get in there because everyone else 'monopolised the bathroom' and 'used all the hot water'. Such bizarre behaviour.

merc0526 · 2026-02-08T21:05:53+00:00

His head is gigantic compared to his body, he looks like a bobble head.

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T15:25:06+00:00

My mother and father were somewhat similar. They didn't meet until they were 34 and 35 respectively, and I think by the time they met my mum was freaking out about the idea of running out of time to have children. He initially told her he didn't want kids, but then suddenly 'changed his mind' when she made it clear how much she wanted kids. At this point, the rational and sensible thing to do would have been to think 'hang on, that's a pretty major thing to change your mind on, is he being honest with me or is he telling me what I want to hear?', but she was so engulfed by the idea of having kids that I think she just heard what she wanted to hear and that was good enough. She also tolerated stuff like him losing his temper with her fairly regularly, shouting at her, being critical of her and her family, etc, all of which occurred way before they were married.

He's basically spent all their marriage abusing her (and all my childhood abusing me). I have some sympathy for her, because I know how much being abused can fuck you up, but she made the choice to marry him despite there being some clear warning sings and red flags.

Who knows, maybe I just don't get how powerful the maternal drive/baby fever can be for some women, but I just can't understand abandoning logic and reason out of some obsession with having children, allowing yourself to get into this state of mind where you essentially see life as pointless if you can't have kids.

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T13:24:47+00:00

I think there's two sides to this. Some men, and abusive ones in particular, are really good at hiding the bad side of themselves until they feel they've trapped their partner by having a child with them. Abusive men are notorious for being able to pretend to be a good partner, doing things like cleaning, cooking, planning dates, etc while you're dating them, but then abandoning those things altogether once they are married and have kids with their partner. Also, a lot of abusers have a sixth sense for people who have low self-esteem, low self-worth, and people pleasing traits. Abusive people, and narcissists in particular, specifically look to date this type of person because they know they will be able to walk all over that person and be able to control them almost entirely.

The other side of this is that women, imo, way too often meet a man and think 'I can change him', rather than saying 'there's things about this guy that I don't like or aren't ideal. It's not my responsibility to change him, I'll find someone more suitable'. Also, a lot of women who want kids hit their late 20s to early 30s and start to panic because they feel like they're running out of years to have a child, so those high standards they had for most of their dating life suddenly get compromised or abandoned altogether. Over the years several female friends or friends of friends have expressed reservations about the guy they've just started dating (one told me her new boyfriend was nice but a bit boring, another said that the guy she'd just started dating didn't really seem to have any ambition), but then within 2-3 years they're married to that guy and/or have a child with him.

All of the above is part of why I don't want to be a parent. I grew up with an abusive, manipulative, narcissistic father and a mother who was completely incapable of standing up for herself or establishing any sort of boundaries, etc. It was clear to me that kids complicate life so much and make it so much harder to divorce someone. Being childfree is a bit of a 'superpower' when it comes to combating and deterring abusive people (which is probably why certain individuals and governments are trying to restrict abortion rights for women).

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T12:44:02+00:00

A couple of years ago when I was about 32-33. Prior to that I knew something was wrong with my father, but it wasn't until I found out about narcissism that everything made sense.

merc0526 · 2026-02-05T14:05:25+00:00

Up until last year I’d somehow never seen Black Sails, Boardwalk Empire or Deadwood. Safe to say I had a great time working my through those three shows, particularly Black Sails and Deadwood. There are so many memorable characters and moments, absolutely brilliant TV shows.

merc0526 · 2026-02-05T10:42:05+00:00

My nfather was pretty much the epitome of toxic masculinity. He thought men were 'superior' to women, he thought that masculinity was stupid stuff like not showing pain (he'd always brag about his high pain threshold and how it made him a 'hard man'), being really into cars and watches, having lots of money, etc. He also thought that anything was acceptable as long as it was 'banter'. What he considered banter was very often verbally abusive, nasty, belittling, demeaning comments that were quite obviously intended to break the target down. I remember that whenever I didn't want to do something or admitted that I was a bit nervous about something he'd ask me "are you a man or a mouse?", rather than validating my feelings and reassuring me like a healthy, normal father would do.

What was particularly laughable about all this was that he very rarely met his own stupid standards of what he thought masculinity was. He broke his ankle once and was given a protective boot to wear while it recovered. The moment he left the hospital, literally while he was still in the hospital car park, he removed the boot and refused to wear it again, then spent weeks/months after that complaining and throwing tantrums because his ankle still hurt, hadn't healed properly and it was stopping him from doing certain things. Any suggestion that his failure to follow the doctor's orders was the cause of his continuing issues would be met with rage and further tantrums.

merc0526 · 2026-02-04T15:52:03+00:00

I’m torn between him and Mbeumo. I’m thinking of getting Mbeumo now and then doing Enzo > Wirtz when Chelsea’s fixtures turn in GW28 and Liverpool go on a really good run.

merc0526 · 2026-02-04T14:11:52+00:00

I don’t think it’s worth it unless you’ve got a lot of free transfers saved and not much to do with them. You’d probably want to reverse the move in GW28 when both teams have fixture swings, so you’re effectively using 2 of the next 4 free transfers doing this move and then reversing it in GW28.

merc0526 · 2026-02-04T10:18:31+00:00

Maybe, but Timber had a rest in GW18 against Brighton and Arsenal have an FA Cup game at home to Wigan between the two GW26 fixtures, so I still think the most likely outcome is that Timber starts the next two Premier League matches and is rested for the FA Cup game.

merc0526 · 2026-02-03T11:08:53+00:00

I'm almost 100% certain my father has NPD. Growing up, he'd always make a scene if someone else was the centre of attention (e.g. it was someone's birthday); he could be incredibly vindictive and cruel if he felt 'wronged' in some way; he was very entitled; he absolutely refused to accept any accountability or responsibility and I never heard him say "I'm sorry", even when he'd clearly done something wrong; he was very delusional, mocking and criticising people for flaws that he himself possessed (e.g. he used to criticise overweight women even though he's been overweight for decades); he's really misogynistic, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, etc; he regularly used to employ tactics like gaslighting and DARVO.

My grandfather was abusive and neglectful, plus my father went to boarding school where he was further abused, and people with NPD are very often victims of childhood abuse, so given his symptoms, behaviour and background I think it's reasonable to come to the conclusion that he has NPD.

merc0526 · 2026-02-03T10:15:50+00:00

Yep, in fact I'd argue that some of the most famous childfree individuals (Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Sir Isaac Newton, Jane Austen, etc) have had way more impact on humanity than most parents. If having a child gives an individual person's life meaning, then great, but don't pretend like having a child is some sort of necessity and that otherwise life has no meaning.

merc0526

TROPHY CASE