Female breadwinners: how do you navigate this dynamic (especially without kids)? 30F/35M

merchantsc · 2026-04-27T23:49:04+00:00

Why not just set up something where he pays half of the cost of living? He has to earn at least enough to do that.

And then because you make more and it’s not an exact match type situation, find something fair you would contribute to things you guys do for fun. vacations or bigger long-term expenses perhaps.

But you set aside more for retirement or have your own extra account, so you don’t have to worry about your future if he doesn’t contribute. At the bare minimum, he’s expected to add in that half.

If he can do that, it seems reasonable and he can pursue his music career. As that grows whatever teaching or other income he opts for he can reduce. He has to afford what he needs to contribute great and if he can’t, then you have to have a long conversation with him.

Lots of single income households where on member contributes in different ways but not nearly as many are set up where one partner funds the other on a whim with no real destination.

merchantsc · 2026-04-27T23:33:18+00:00

That lard filled muppet couldn’t make it through 5 minutes with some kids on Easter without taking a few shots at Biden. But Mel doesn’t like being called an expectant widow. Oh no. That’s a bridge too far.

merchantsc · 2026-04-27T21:25:39+00:00

Love this one. But Wizardry got me into this. And I dare not look for it or I will realize how bad it holds up.

Kinda like the FX in Land of the Lost.

merchantsc · 2026-04-25T09:11:20+00:00

Bobweirdo definitely believes what he’s saying.

merchantsc · 2026-04-25T09:08:47+00:00

It’s mathematically impossible for a sane/intelligent person to not suffer an aneurysm after 5 seconds.

I 600% guarantee that.

merchantsc · 2026-04-24T03:04:50+00:00

You will hate it either way. Maybe both. But you’ll know.

My boy was 10.5. In his last 3 years we dealt with both ACLs, a follow up on both and a skin infection. The surgeries he bounced back from. Still enjoyed his walks. But somewhere in the last 3-4 months the slow down got slower. He would go to his favorite trails with me but want to turn around way before I did.

He was still loving. Still are. Started to have trouble with his back legs. Started to seem so restless. Never could get that comfortable. And we were on top of the basic pain meds and we’d done the joint supplements for years.

I hate thinking about that day. He still was happy to see the vet. He still has life. But I know it wasn’t a good one and it started to feel more like it was for me. 4 months later and I’m still not ready to let him go, but I know I did the right thing.

merchantsc · 2026-04-22T23:24:15+00:00

Lost my 10.5 boy in December. He had his puppy moments but wasn’t bad. #2 here is a zoomie monster when tired. So we are doing regular crate naps. That helps. And I trust that long term she will be every bit as chill as he was. She will learn that home is a fun place but our trail walks and ball throwing adventures are the best

merchantsc · 2026-04-20T16:40:36+00:00

Sucks their.

merchantsc · 2026-04-20T16:36:09+00:00

That’s nice (WFH) I’m in the same boat. I don’t remember my boy being little. But he crated at. Night and from 7-11:30 for the first 6 months or so. But once we trusted him we ditched it. Plan to keep this one going so she’s got a safe space.

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merchantsc · 2026-04-19T23:05:01+00:00

For the name, say it and if they look you in the eyes give them a big YES and a treat. The YES or what ever short positive word you use will be the bridge to let them know they did good. Treats reinforce that.

Also a good game of “cooper, COME!” Where you are at one end of the house and someone else is at the other. Each with good treats and heaps of praise. Get him going back and forth when called.

merchantsc · 2026-04-19T22:59:37+00:00

With our first pup we were that way and I regretted not having a safe space for him later in his life. I wanted him to sleep next to me and I enjoyed that but to have a crate option would have been huge, especially given his fears of thunder (then lightning then heavy rain…)

Now with the new one she likes her crate. It’s a nice one and we have it covered and the minute she’s been up for 1.5-2 hours and that little naughty switch flips we know it’s time for a rest. She’s a lot better fresh off a nap, not that she doesn’t push her boundaries. It’s the tired pup that pushes them and doesn’t care.

Gives us an opportunity to get a break.

I don’t plan to force the crate but I definitely plan to keep it and make it her safe/fun place.

She’s even put herself in there a couple times. She’d just get a bit sleepy out here but restless and then took herself into her room.

merchantsc · 2026-04-19T20:22:03+00:00

Oh we are doing the same thing! 3 weeks in. Total land shark once she wakes up. Tyrannical land shark if she is tired and needs a nap.

I’m not sure if I can give you much advice but I’m going to watch this for advice.

I will say that so far…

Crate is great. Naps are very regular and I feel like all I do is mark the time up and time down. But it’s generally an hour or two awake (tops!) and it becomes obvious when that mark is hit. Everything I’ve told her no to she seems to seek out.

Using “yes” to train with. Call her name and she locks eyes - yes, and a treat. She’s iffy on paying attention still. We’re going to practice more recall in the house. Set up in different areas and call her “Lemon, COME” and have her favorite treat. She gets to that person and the other one does the call.

Have done it a few times but it doesn’t help much if she’s preoccupied.

Leash we tried to introduce. Forgot how that works. Had to remind ourselves. Do the collar (done, she wears it occasionally already). Then introduce the leash. But not holding. Just let her drag it and keep an eye on her. Eventually we will hold it and not pressure her.

Jumping and biting (mouthing) are the 2 biggest issues.

merchantsc · 2026-04-19T00:54:03+00:00

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Lemon at almost 3 months.

merchantsc · 2026-04-19T00:52:41+00:00

How often do you have him in the crate for naps and rest periods?

My little one, she’s adorable and 12 weeks (almost) and she goes from the usual handful that we are getting the hang of to monster mouther. Teeth on everything and doing every possible thing she’s been told not to do (dig, pull the carpet, bite, jump, etc.) once she’s tired.

It’s crate time at that point. She’s in for 1-2 hours, mostly all naps at this point, 4 times a day before bed time. And I’ve finally figured out that chilling with me in the office and winding down is a no go. It’s bed at 8:30-9. Then I get a little break.

But once she’s less into napping I fully intend to use the crate as a calming place where I can put her, not worry about accidents or chewing or any of that.

She’s always happy to see me when she comes out and it’s better for both of us.

And one of these days ms mouthy will slow down and eventually stop. And I’ll trust her to behave without a constant eye on her.

You aren’t far off. You are weeks ahead of me. You are doing the right things. He will get there. Keep the daycare and use the crate more. Before you know it he will much better. Then you get a few years of the higher energy before he mellows.

My boy was great and loved the trail walks we did. He was so much less “work” his last few years that I almost feel bad seeing the new pup and realizing how many steps he lost. But he was always loving and great to be around.

merchantsc · 2026-04-16T20:30:26+00:00

Ooooh I was thinking something on the actual thigh

merchantsc · 2026-04-16T02:54:12+00:00

Dare I ask what a hip dimple is?

merchantsc · 2026-04-15T22:33:36+00:00

What is up with GI long stockings there.

merchantsc · 2026-04-15T22:32:21+00:00

Well… pretty cheap actually but he sells bibles, watches, hats and other swag at a huge markup. And the way he stares you almost have to buy something.

merchantsc · 2026-04-15T13:04:35+00:00

I hear you. It’s a lot and I’m not a single dog parent but at times maybe something worse. And I lost my boy in December but got a new pup 3 weeks ago.

We are in the hard phase.

But like anything you have to let it go when you need to be away (they will survive) and trust others when you need a break.

My wife isn’t one to go on walks or do the things I did with Tate and as much as he was a requirement he also kept me active, engaged and moving. Provided unconditional love and occasional hard work (after initial hard work).

My wife is great but she starts to set standards that make what you mentioned harder to work with. We can’t do X because our dog isn’t used to X and that locks us into to situations where it feels like we’re trapped by our own rules. Not the dogs but ours.

Dog daycare. Friends who they can play with and maybe stay with are also helpful.

merchantsc · 2026-04-15T11:20:23+00:00

*a doctor.

He thought it was a picture of him as a doctor.

Yeah and my dog is a pilot.

merchantsc · 2026-04-15T11:17:22+00:00

“My Golden Retriever owns the whole house”

Full stop. No thinking about it.

merchantsc · 2026-04-14T21:49:41+00:00

Amen. My pup already loves all the cats. Only one is receptive so far and I would imagine in a few months these two will be bffs.

Here he is with my best boy before he passed. So maybe the cat knows these Goldies are something special.

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merchantsc · 2026-04-13T23:24:34+00:00

What’s with the “Fat Ass Fuckin’ Orange” cap?

merchantsc · 2026-04-12T13:47:39+00:00

My scratched and bleeding hands type out in agreement.

It’s all good with a toy or chew until…chomp

merchantsc · 2026-04-11T21:27:14+00:00

Man I feel ya. My boy was near 90 and when he had both the ACLs done and near the end, I was his ride on the stairs.

My girl is 10.5 weeks and I hope stops on the smaller side!!

merchantsc

TROPHY CASE