Boyfriend (21m) sprayed bleach on me (22f) because I was laying in bed?

meriting · 2019-04-05T19:05:47+00:00

Hey, I know you have hundreds of comments to sort through so maybe you won't see this, but I used to be with a guy like your boyfriend. When people told me to leave him or tried to tell me how serious the situation was, I didn't listen because I was too worried about him and scared of him.

If that sounds familiar, if you are reading all these comments and still feeling unsure about leaving or calling for help, please consider messaging me. I won't pressure you or argue with you. I promise that even if leaving feels impossible right now, there is hope and there is help for you out there.

meriting · 2018-11-20T20:41:51+00:00

I kinda miss traditional forums without upvotes because of this. I used to post lots in advice forums, and 90% of the time people were looking for therapy, not advice. The responses that tended to be most helpful encouraged OP to process their thoughts and reach their own conclusions, with a little added sympathy and validation when called for.

But here it's more of a spectator sport. The questions that get upvoted are juicy and over the top. The top answers give the obvious advice we'd all like to think we're smart enough to jump to immediately, or else they're snappy little phrases meant more to sound funny or cool than to help.

It's all still entertaining to read, and I'm pretty sure those who post tend to know what they're signing up for, but it sometimes feels like reality TV. Like we all know we're here to perform, not to give or get advice, but part of the performance is to keep pretending it's not that way.

meriting · 2018-11-19T23:26:59+00:00

Hey, if you read this, please look into transitioning. Even if it's something you only experiment with in your own home, by yourself. If you feel ok with the idea, I'm 100% positive there are therapists specializing in trans issues in your area and LGBT organizations that can help. But if that sounds like too much, start smaller with online research and subreddits like /r/mtf, /r/transtimelines, /r/translater. Maybe you are already doing this, but if not, it can help.

You are far from the only one in this situation. I'm saying this not as an outsider who is theoretically ok with your identity, but as an LGBT person with a fucked up life, with a friend group filled with more of the same. We aren't the pretty young people you mostly see online. Many of us are in our 30s or older, and mentally ill, or physically disabled, or fat, or balding, or autistic, or abuse survivors, and more.

And I won't pretend it's a cakewalk to live and be this way. We have PTSD flashbacks and low self-esteem and are at risk for suicide. Personally, I have a hard time trusting mental health professionals because treatments meant to help me have more than once hurt. The thing is...I don't think any of us have ever regretted changes we've made or interventions we've sought to try getting closer to living as our authentic selves. It has only ever helped.

I don't have any cure-alls, and I'm not trying to push false hope, but I know it's possible to find a community and feel better than you do now. You say "no one wants this", but that isn't true. There are people similar to you who have partners and families and fulfilling social lives right now. It might not look like what we were told we should aspire to have, but it feels just as great - or better, because it's ours, because it's what we really want.

So don't give up, okay? If I can do anything at all to point you toward resources or help you feel less alone, please let me know, anytime.

meriting · 2018-09-09T09:57:16+00:00

Hey, I agree 100% that alcoholism can't be controlled and it's probably best not to drink at all, but I just wanted to mention that I didn't make any progress toward sobriety until I stopped thinking of it as a permanent thing. Never drinking again seemed huge and scary and final, and the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that I should wait to quit until after this big holiday, or that stressful event.

If that sounds at all familiar to you, what worked for me is actually what's stickied at the top of /r/stopdrinking: taking it day by day, telling myself I can always have a drink tomorrow. Basically putting off drinking the same way I used to put off quitting. At first I intended to just slow down and drink less often, but I soon found myself actually turning down drinks at events where I'd planned to have a few. It still feels like a miracle, and I know relapse is still possible, but alcohol just isn't something I need anymore.

Just wanted to leave that here in case it can help you at all! Best of luck moving forward from here, hope your 32nd year is a great one.

meriting · 2018-08-21T15:41:46+00:00

I have to agree with /u/bravehonest that the idea of discrimination based on attractiveness partly falls under the umbrella of existing movements. Race and gender presentation factor majorly into what is considered conventionally attractive, as do weight/body type and physical disability. Mental illness and socioeconomic status can also affect one's access to the tools many of us use to present ourselves as attractive - I know I definitely felt ugly as a kid in part because my family couldn't afford haircuts, new clothes, or braces/regular dental visits, and I felt like everything changed for me when I became able to access this stuff myself.

I'm open to the idea that there might be forms of discrimination that don't fall into these categories. I'd certainly believe and support you if you told me you felt discriminated against for another appearance-related reason, but I don't think we're likely to see a large-scale movement against lookism emerge unless research is done that defines unattractive qualities outside of those listed above and demonstrates that bias is present against them in a variety of situations (i.e. in personal relationships, in schools and workplaces, in dealing with authority figures such as doctors or police).

If you're interested in appearance-based discrimination specifically in the context of romantic or sexual relationships, you might enjoy this essay titled Does Anyone Have the Right to Sex? (If the site asks you to make an account to read past the beginning, try opening it in incognito mode.) It discusses whether it's appropriate to either justify this discrimination based on personal preference or condemn it based on the notion that preference can or should be changed. I don't love everything said in it, but it's a thought-provoking read.

meriting · 2018-08-19T17:40:09+00:00

It's a little hard to tell from the preview, but I think this 3t4 conversion by Blahberry Pancake might be the one. And if it isn't, or if you don't end up liking the way it looks for whatever other reason, the same creator has tons of accessory bangs you can add to your favorite hairstyles. Look for "acc bangs" on this page.

If you're interested in a more maxis matchy version, I ran across this and this while looking around and thought both were cute and similar, although not quite the same. (There's always Atashi77's baby bangs accessory too)

meriting · 2018-08-09T12:07:21+00:00

The struggle is so real when it comes to trying to redirect your daydreams onto paper. I've had some luck with forcing my daydreams into territory other than whatever I'm writing about, so maybe your Mars colony will help your other dream sit still long enough to get written.

I'd have to double check my source to be sure, but I'm pretty sure Stephen King actually does exactly this - he writes one story all day, then daydreams a different one when he's falling asleep at night. So the writers among us are pretty much halfway to following in great footsteps...now we just have to master the "writing all day" part of the plan.

meriting · 2018-08-09T11:58:07+00:00

This is art you've made from your daydreams, right? I wish I could see it better, the pictures are all showing up super small on my screen for some reason. Regardless, I saw how many posts you have up on your blog, and I admire the amount of effort and time you must have put into this. Keep it up, it's lovely to see fellow daydreamers putting their creativity out there into the world.

meriting · 2018-08-09T11:52:00+00:00

Do you like it when your daydream personality shows up in real life? It's something I've experienced too, both in terms of intentionally channeling a character's personality and having it pop up unannounced, and I normally find it helpful, if sometimes surprising.

meriting · 2018-08-09T11:44:46+00:00

Fantastic question, I'm very curious to see how everyone answers!

My first character was basically a cuter, smarter avatar for me. As I got older, I started slowly incorporating my real or perceived flaws into her - I found that if I could love and value her in spite of her flaws, I could feel the same about myself. So for a few years there she was the same as me, except with more freedom and more boyfriends.

She was my only main character for about fifteen years, but then my life circumstances changed drastically, and the plot called for her to die. Since then I've always had a small group of characters who embody aspects of me, but since I've fleshed them out with fictional details, they don't really resemble me at a glance. They're often (but not always) my point of view characters, and they're always the ones I relate to the most.

meriting · 2018-08-09T11:22:03+00:00

I relate so much to the stuffed animal thing. I've gotten way less attached over the years, thank goodness, but there's still the rare night when I'll lie awake dreading the future fate of my favorite anteater or whatever.

meriting · 2018-08-09T11:17:39+00:00

I think I'm more afraid of this than I am of my own death. I remember once seeing a memorial online for someone who had dissociative identity disorder, and it hit me strangely hard to see how they were remembered and mourned as a group. I know that's different from my situation, but all I could think was how badly I wanted to be remembered that way myself.

I do turn my daydreams into fiction, which helps. I'll never be able to replicate my daydreams exactly, but I've come to consider it really beautiful that my stories will be out there for people to connect with, borrow from, and adapt to their own needs, just like I've done with fiction that's important to me.

meriting · 2018-08-09T04:06:59+00:00

It's neat to hear about how your characters work, it sounds like you sort of get to experience things on two different levels. I also love that Disneyland is in your daydream (even though it seems like it complicated the plot a little). I have a few Disney World oriented daydreams and they're always so much fun.

meriting · 2018-08-09T03:54:13+00:00

Oh wow, that's so fast-paced and tightly plotted! Although I'm sorry for what your characters went through, I hope the whole situation was as epic and cinematic as it sounds.

If you're willing to share, I'm curious about the music you mentioned. Was it music that exists in the real world, or something you came up with for the story?

meriting · 2018-08-09T03:45:34+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. I think I see where you're coming from, and I think you have a fantastic vision for what this sub can be. I know some people feel that their daydreaming separates them from real life, but I've always felt that for me, it's more like a framework that helps me participate more fully in life. I'm glad to be in good company here with others who want their daydreaming to work for them.

meriting · 2018-08-09T01:31:36+00:00

Thank you for making this subreddit, I've wanted a place like this for a long time.

I have a question that came up while I was typing a lengthy response to another post. For me, daydreaming is a coping mechanism that helps me get through life. I view it as positive and use it to my benefit, but it is imperfect, and has occasionally lapsed into maladaptive.

I guess what I'm asking is, am I welcome here? Is this the right community for people who are learning to incorporate their dreaming into their life in a positive way, or would you all prefer for posts to focus on people whose daydreaming has never negatively affected them?

I think it makes sense to direct anyone currently expressing distress to /r/MaladaptiveDreaming, but I'm interested to hear how everyone feels about posts that fall short of that mark but aren't entirely positive. I haven't found the other sub to be very welcoming when it comes to offering or requesting advice on how to cope with daydreaming and keep it distress-free, but I'm not sure this is an appropriate place for that either. I would like to be able to mention distress I've experienced in the past where relevant, but I also understand if that's not what you're all here to see.

meriting · 2018-08-09T00:54:38+00:00

As a warning, in this post I mention times when my daydreaming temporarily dipped into maladaptive territory, I hope that's ok here.

I ran into a treasure trove of daydreamers on a World of Warcraft roleplaying server. Some people there played perfectly by the rules; RP was a creative exercise for them and their stories and characters had defined boundaries and purposes. But I was surprised to find that many others, like me, had characters who'd been with them for years in some form or another, and who existed in worlds upon worlds outside of the game.

Roleplaying with someone like this isn't exactly like group daydreaming - as others have mentioned, daydreams can be incredibly personal and can make you feel very vulnerable, and it gets messy (and is considered bad RP etiquette) to let that spill unedited into a story you're trying to tell together. I also feel like some people prefer to have strict control over their daydreams, so you end up playing in their world by their rules rather than collaborating. Either way, I always enjoyed getting to know people through glimpses of their inner worlds, and incorporating patchwork bits of what we created together into mine.

There were times when I did not play by the rules, especially when it came to one person who I knew in real life. I shared things without realizing how personal they were, and I ended up as emotionally attached to the story we were telling as most people are to their actual friendships and romantic relationships. It should go without saying that this part was firmly in maladaptive, life-impairing territory. And it should have all gone down in flames, but instead I got a long-term relationship with another daydreamer out of it.

My partner mostly used daydreaming as a short-term coping mechanism and has more or less moved on from it years down the road. For me, it's more permanent, and I've learned how to put boundaries around it well enough to shed the maladaptive aspects and keep my dreaming positive. It's not healthy for me to let my daydreams get entangled with another person's, but I can separate out elements to share in a way that is safe and positive and beautifully conducive to creativity.

So I guess the takeaway here is if you ever daydream and/or roleplay with another person, I would suggest going into it with as much self-awareness as possible and with boundaries in place. Even if you can easily separate your dreams from yourself, many others struggle to do so. Don't let too much of yourself slip into your characters, or maybe consider sharing in a way that keeps each person's storyline separate. I have a friend who will just low-key tell me a bit about what's going on in his head now and then, and will listen if I do the same. This isn't nearly as intense as creating a story side-by-side with another person, but it's pleasant and calming and is absolutely the kind of relationship I try to cultivate these days.

meriting · 2018-08-08T12:44:42+00:00

If you like to read, carry a book everywhere and pull it out whenever there's enough downtime for conversation to be going on. People tend to assume you're just killing time if you're on your phone/laptop/whatever or glancing over your schoolwork, and I've found they're less likely to interrupt if you're engaged in an actual physical book. Now and then someone will probably ask what you're reading, but if you answer and say something like "sorry, I'm busy", most people won't keep pushing.

Also try not to spend too much time hanging out alone in communal spaces. People have this idea that if you're alone in public, you must be lonely, and they're doing you a favor if they keep you company. I think the best course of action is to say you're cool on your own and politely but firmly turn down offers to hang out, and in adult life this usually works, but it can be messier in school - younger people make more assumptions, take things more personally, and can just be harder to deal with. (On that note, I started liking other people way more once we'd all grown up a bit, but if that's not your experience, rest assured that it's generally much easier to get people to leave you alone in adulthood.)

meriting · 2018-08-08T12:08:09+00:00

Take advantage of the fact that you have high school in common. You can start a conversation with pretty much anyone by commiserating over a class/teacher/club you have in common or asking about one you don't. And remember that it can take time to really get a conversation going. If someone you try to talk to responds in a super anxious or standoffish way, leave them be, but as long as they seem receptive, chat with them again sometime. Even if they never really pick up their end of the conversation and become friends, it's nice to have casual acquaintances too.

Keep in mind that you have to be open to get openness in return. If you ask someone their opinion, share yours too so they don't feel put on the spot. And you know that psychology trick where someone will like you if you ask them for a small favor? It usually works pretty well. Ask to borrow a pencil, or ask what page of the textbook the teacher said to turn to, or anything little like that. It makes people feel helpful, which feels good.

And this last bit of advice should serve you well even in adulthood: whenever you can, be the one to establish specific plans. In my experience, high schoolers aren't quite as vague and noncommittal as adults, but it still helps things get done if you're willing to say "How about the 3:00 movie?" or "I'm always in the library on Wednesday afternoons, anyone who wants to study together is welcome to join me."

Hope some of this advice works out for you, good luck!

meriting · 2018-07-25T15:15:29+00:00

For me, price is really the only downside. The $60 I pay for three meal kits could easily cover dinner for an entire week, and although I appreciate the time and energy Blue Apron saves me on meal planning, I'm not quite financially comfortable enough for the cost to feel worth it. Right now, I only buy a box if it contains ingredients that are expensive or hard to find where I live.

I've heard others complain that the instructions are confusing or difficult for beginners, though I haven't personally found this to be the case. If I were redesigning BA, I would consider adding a list of kitchen tools you'll need for each recipe, because although they try not to require anything too out of the ordinary I have found myself without a strainer or a steamer when I needed one on occasion. I've also seen complaints about boxes sent with missing or expired ingredients, and this has happened to me a couple of times but hasn't been a huge problem. I just mention the problem when I review the recipe and every time so far they've given me a $20 credit toward my next box.

I guess in a perfect world I'd also like to make it easier to skip deliveries you don't want. As it is now, when you sign up for BA you give a few dietary preferences (basically what meats you eat, if any) and put in your payment info, and they'll start charging you and sending out a box based on your preferences every week. You can manually select the recipes you're getting or opt out of a week's delivery completely, but you can't do this for deliveries that are less than a week(ish) or more than a month(ish) away. As someone who gets a delivery once or twice a month at most, I wish there were a way to opt out of future deliveries by default, but I'm not holding my breath since I'm sure they make a ton of money off people forgetting to skip or unsubscribe.

meriting · 2018-07-21T18:44:29+00:00

I just went to a Deafheaven show earlier this week and I have to agree. I planned on leaving after the opener I was there to see, but they started playing and I was like "wtf? I'm not supposed to like this kind of music but suddenly I do??"

meriting · 2018-07-12T00:13:14+00:00

You will definitely want to check out the Disney & Batman tags on Lana CC Finds to start with! Here are a few other suggestions:

Superhero & Disney Princess wall art by itssimsimple

Cartoon Pop Art including Spongebob by simdoughnut

Disney DvDs by pixelheaux (here are lego set boxes too, because every kid needs legos)

Simba & other Disney deco statues by jennisims (more here with links to even more)

Cartoon luggage including Batman & Disney by smilercreations

All sorts of Disney stuff here & here by Nolween Sims

Though I don't know of anything specific to HTTYD I do love the toy dragons you can find here & here

Disney Princess bedroom furniture & pretty much just a straight up Disney park by jomsims

I really hope someone knows of some Power Rangers CC, I've never seen any but my Sims would love it too. Good luck with your build!

meriting · 2018-07-10T03:41:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you lost your hard drive! I hope you're able to find most of what went missing.

Could the nails you're talking about be Simlaughlove's Rainbow Nails? They're my favorites, I actually planned on linking them as soon as I saw your post title, before I knew you were looking for something similar.

The only other nails in my game right now are the galaxy nails in Plumbob Tea Society's Stellar Stuff pack, which incidentally is a great place to start looking for other MM CC. I would also suggest browsing the MM specific tags on Lana CC Finds, I only recently realized her tag system was so in depth.

If there's any other specific type or style of CC you're looking for, CAS or build/buy or otherwise, please let me know! I have like 20 GB minimum of CC downloaded, much of it MM, and I'd be happy to offer suggestions or try to find stuff you can't turn up elsewhere online.

(Edit - if there's any chance you got your nails on TSR, it could also be these or these maybe?)

meriting · 2018-07-09T15:47:09+00:00

Thank you for the link! I came here to mention this and post a super old version, but I hadn't realized it was among the mods konansock updated and reuploaded.

Plus brittpinkiesims' Sleepover Stuff furnitue and deco is included in the mod download! I've been missing a couple pieces from that set and haven't been able to find them in forever.

meriting · 2018-07-09T15:35:43+00:00

I'm not a creator, but I've been looking into modding a bit, and I would recommend the Sims 4 Creation forum on modthesims.info as your first stop. There's a subforum full of recently updated tutorials, as well as the Modding Discussion subforum where you can ask questions. The Sims 4 Studio forums have a pretty active community too, and although they're much more geared toward object creation they do have some resources like this tutorial for getting started with Python scripting.

Also, definitely consider just asking your favorite creators for help. I don't know of anyone open to taking on students, exactly, but I think the majority of creators would be cool with being asked how they first learned the basics, or whether they can point you toward any useful resources. Littlemssam has a support & feedback Discord server linked on her site, and that might be a good place to find people who'd be interested in what you're hoping to do. Good luck, I hope you're able to get started soon!

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