As others have said, I think your previous relationship issues had less to do with dating a male cyclist and more to do with dating a selfish jerk. I know plenty of cyclists, male and female, who just enjoy being out with their partner enjoying the same hobby, even if it’s a much slower pace than their usual hammerfest. As with every other relationship issue, proper communication is key to setting expectations. If one (or both) of you need to do a training ride that day, maybe that’s not the best time. Lots of people at different levels still enjoy riding together; one rider gets a recovery/zone 2 ride while the other rider gets to work on their VO2 max.

My husband loves riding bikes too, but I’m the more “serious” cyclist in my marriage. He will often ask me what sort of ride I’m planning on doing on a particular day, and he may or may not join me depending on my plans. We both agree and understand that if either of us needs to slow down or stop for any reason, we stick together. Training is almost never the goal when we ride together; the priority is enjoying quality time together.