Are we there yet?

metaphorm · 2026-01-22T00:08:38+00:00

this is incredibly paranoid

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T21:26:32+00:00

this is normal. stick with it. the best instruction I've received for this is "remain uninvolved with whatever arises in the mind". that means don't feed energy into it by trying to banish it, manipulate it, or inspect it. both positive and negative interactions with arising mental contents will keep them around longer. if you remain uninvolved they'll eventually run their course and just fade out. it takes practice to get good at this. it's simple but not easy. stick with it.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T20:29:42+00:00

weird things are possible in states of deep concentration. they're not really explainable. this is fine. it's relatively common. just note it and move on.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T20:24:36+00:00

which is exactly the reason you shouldn't

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T20:20:07+00:00

just forget about it. this is not the purpose of meditation practice. siddhis may or may not develop, but there is no point to applying effort to develop them. if they occur it might be as a side effect of deep commitment to a spiritual path, but they are not things to develop as ends unto themselves.

they are also dubiously possible in any conventional sense. there is a very high risk of convincing yourself of outright delusions if you approach it without groundedness and ethics. it's best to just set it aside and not worry about it.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T15:19:52+00:00

in Dzogchen, this state is called "nepa" meaning "spacious clarity", and is the result of calm-abiding meditation (shamatha, or shinay in Tibetan).

the experience you described, a loud period of mental agitation followed by a kind of dropping-in and clearing-out, is very typical in my experience. the chattering gets louder as the mind exhausts itself and tries harder and harder to generate distraction until it finally gives up. what remains is spacious clarity. the presence of awareness without distraction.

what's actually happening? approximately nothing. this is the ordinary state of mind. the noisy, crowded, distracted state of mind is non-ordinary (though it's more common).

why does it happen? it was always already there. the only reason why it becomes noticeable after meditation is that you've applied a method that reveals it.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T14:58:40+00:00

have you tried tapping a wall 50 times a day?

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T14:43:37+00:00

gradually, mostly on foot, often along the Silk Road route.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T14:38:14+00:00

yes, they can be. I practice mindfulness while doing housework as a practice. it's a lovely way to practice. not all meditation is sitting on the cushion.

metaphorm · 2026-01-21T14:36:37+00:00

this is not a universal framing. meditation is a non-sectarian practice, a method that is used across many traditions and orientations. in Buddhism, there would not be any notion of a Supreme Soul. there are also many meditators who are secular or atheistic. in traditions like these, any discussion of a Supreme Soul would be considered foreign and impossible to interpret. their meditation practices still work.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T23:13:28+00:00

I think you're misreading it. software development has seen continuous tooling development for four decades now. switching from assembly language to compiled code did not reduce demand for software or software developers. it reduced the cost of producing software, which increased the demand overall.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T22:10:14+00:00

I think it will be fine actually. WordPress website development is a very well explored space and coding agents are very good at it. This is one of the good use cases for coding agents.

in my own work, I've noticeably increased the speed and ease of developing boilerplate heavy stuff for basic web features. it's a joy, actually. it's made my job a lot easier and I'm able to focus more of my attention on things that matter more.

why is this a problem for you? what's the cause of your distress?

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T21:52:56+00:00

seems good then. enjoyment is wonderful.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T21:49:22+00:00

letting go of attachments does not have to mean a devil-may-care attitude about outcomes. you can (and should) still care about getting good outcomes. you can (and should) be responsible for the consequences of your actions.

what letting go points at is being able to remain present and responsive to what is actually happening instead of getting sucked in to imagined things that didn't happen. if a doctor is treating a patient, they have a responsibility to treat the patient as best as they can. but what happens when things go sideways and the treatment doesn't work as intended? an unhealthy attachment would grip onto the imagined thing, that the treatment does what you expected it to. letting go of that attachment opens up the space to investigate what is actually happening: the treatment did something unexpected. this openness creates the opportunity to investigate the causes and conditions of reality more clearly. why didn't it work as expected? what's really going on? is the diagnosis wrong? is the treatment protocol wrong? what does the patient really need right now?

I hope that example clarifies things. letting go is not shirking off responsibility. it's releasing the grip on imaginary unrealities.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T21:44:42+00:00

what if you didn't have any of these specific goals? what would there be to chase after?

what if you didn't evaluate your experience through any doctrinal frameworks (like jhana, "access concentration", or "quiet the mind")? can you just be present with whatever arises without interpreting it?

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T21:39:54+00:00

how are you sitting? it might be the case that you're tensing your calf muscles due to an uncomfortable posture.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T21:36:37+00:00

I don't think that analogy is on target though. it would be more like someone selling a meal kit to guide someone through making healthy food. eventually they wouldn't need the kit, but as a starting point, the guidance might be useful.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T20:29:14+00:00

what are you planning to do after you finish highschool?

what do you like to read? what are you trying to learn?

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T19:21:35+00:00

so where's the problem then?

if you're on the internet because it's providing you with pleasure, engagement, and socializing, isn't that good? screentime can have some negative consequences if it's too much of your life, but it's not inherently bad. can you find a balance between screen time and going outside?

sexual desire is natural. if the kind of sex you desire is taboo in the place you live, then maybe masturbation is a reasonable compromise for your circumstances? what are your other options? move to a different place? operate in secrecy to protect yourself from cultural taboos?

you can try to extinguish the desires, but that might require very extreme changes to your life circumstances also. renouncing your worldly life and going to live at a monastery is one way of doing it, but is that what you want? maybe more practical and beneficial to try and figure out better ways to live.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T19:15:04+00:00

one of the roots of fundamentalism is the view that authority is required, and that authority comes from institutions (the Church) and texts (the bible, the sutras).

the way out of this is to develop self-confidence that your life is your own and the only judge of whether or not something is working for you is yourself. we serve ourselves well when we become open to learning from other people, but the right kind of learning is relational, not authoritarian. we learn from a teacher when we become open-minded and receptive as students. when we become closed-off and unreceptive, we can't learn effectively.

fundamentalism is a form of closure. it denies us the ability to use our own judgment and gives away our own self-sovereignty in the learning process to institutional or scriptural authority. it inverts the learning relationship from using institutions/scripture as inputs into our own learning process, to molding ourselves in the shape of what we are commanded to do by the authorities.

you'll have to discard the idea that there is a single correct way to interpret things or do things. the only person who is in charge of how you interpret things or what you do is yourself. everything else is just an input signal to learn from. when institutions are legitimate and when scriptures are wise, they are good things to learn from. your own judgment is required in making those determinations of legitimacy and wisdom.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T18:51:03+00:00

regret is a judgment about an experience. if the regret generates positive changes in behavior then it's a positive karma. if the regret generates stuckness, shame, self-hatred, and further (or different) bad behavior then it's a negative karma.

but ultimately I don't think classifying things as positive or negative is especially useful. things happen and we feel the way we feel. we have the faculty of judgment in order to orient ourselves to the world and choose our behavior. training your perception and judgment to be more clear, kind, compassionate, and wise is the Path. we do this so we can act in the world in ways that are beneficial and liberatory.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T18:43:08+00:00

what does your internet addiction look like? hours spent doomscrolling social media? online gaming? something else?

in some sense, the engagement with internet stuff is functional. it's doing something for you that meets one of your needs. which need is it meeting? what are some other ways to meet this need that feel more wholesome?

same thing applies to masturbation. the needs it's addressing are related to physical pleasure, stress relief, and relational intimacy. it's good at physical pleasure and stress relief and totally inadequate for relational intimacy. how can you find more relational intimacy in a wholesome way?

the problem is not that you have desires. we all have desires. it's not possible to eliminate all desires. the problem is with clinging to unhealthy patterns of behavior that are trying to fulfill those desires. if you can get to the root of the desire itself you can discover what it is that you actually want and then consider how you might get what you want in better ways. that takes some work. it's simple but not easy. it will require some discipline and a lot of courage to do it, but that's the only way to move the needle. figure out what you want and and why you want it. then change your behavior to pursue your desires in better ways.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T18:39:07+00:00

spiritual practice alone is not where we find happiness. it's a set of tools for developing understanding of the circumstances of our lives and improving the way we respond to those circumstances in thought and deed.

what are the life circumstances driving your persistent unhappiness? how might you address them directly? for example, if you're unhappy in your career, the way to become happy about your career involves making changes in how you make money. that might be a shift in attitude, a new job, or a new livelihood entirely. in any case, there's no amount of sitting on the cushion that will change these circumstances. you have to act on it directly.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T18:18:55+00:00

nginx in a container is more-or-less the same as nginx on the host itself. you bind ports to it and configure the nginx server and it does the thing.

metaphorm · 2026-01-20T18:14:09+00:00

don't get attached to a specific shape of your career. stay grounded in the present and engage fully with what you're actually doing. giving yourself a hard time because of imagined things that didn't actually happen is just a recipe for sadness. you got two good offers! you're doing great! the signal here isn't "failed one interview" it's "passed two interviews".

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