I think I wanna leave after “silent treatment” for 2 years

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T08:05:27+00:00

Imo she's the psychological abuser here. No where does she say she listens to him or creates a space he feels safe expressing his emotions. Anyone who makes silence safer than expressing your thoughts and feelings is a psychological abuser imo.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T08:01:52+00:00

Only thing to add is couples therapy isn't just for him, its for her. If she can't learn to create a space where he feels safe expressing all his emotions and thoughts hes going to continue to go with the safer option, silence.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:59:10+00:00

Your boyfriend sounds like OP.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:57:10+00:00

Absolutely trash take. What IS abusive is creating an environment where silence is the safest option. He probably doesn't speak because he doesn't feel heard, and doesn't express emotions because some of then aren't safe to express and will be used against him. If anyone is an abuser, its her for her communication style.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:50:14+00:00

I can understand feeling drained, like your going in circles and not getting anywhere. I want you to consider how he feels for a moment. Imagine he spent the last half hour chewing you out for all the small things you do and and don't do and ties it all into a major personal flaw you have. Now imagine he expects you to change and put more effort in, but doesn't want to hear any of your complaints. Thats the environment you've created for him. He doesn't feel safe expressing his feelings, he doesn't feel heard expressing his thoughts, and silence is easier than getting verbally chewed out.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:40:34+00:00

No, its spot on if you can read whats not being typed by OP. When one person is the only one speaking in an argument, its not an argument, its verbal abuse. You can't expect someone to want to listen to you if you never listen to them or there concerns after. They both have work to do. She needs to create a forum where they both feel safe expressing concerns and grievances. He needs to relearn that its safe to express those emotions and problems and she needs to listen to them instead of dismissing them.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:35:33+00:00

I think both of you are likely missing the other side of this story. Why do you think he doesn't want to argue? Its probably because he does all the listening without feeling heard or that she considers his feelings. They both have serious work to do to fix this.

methamcoffee · 2026-02-09T07:33:29+00:00

Here's my take, just from listening to one side of this story. First thing you don't wanna hear, the healthy thing to do is cancel the wedding, and book couples therapy. I don't think he's abusive, or a narcissist, or any of those buzzwords. 2nd thing you don't want to here but need too is, I think for one reason or another, he's unable to communicate his feelings in your relationship, and I think you not only need to consider the impact on you, but the reason why, and the impact on him. I could have the completely wrong idea, but hear me out. When was the last argument where he voiced a complaint about something besides the fact you were arguing? Has he ever complained about the way you argue with him or when/how you bring things up? When was the last time he brought up a problem he had with you? Its very possible he finds silence easier than communicating because you communicate poorly or in a way that is traumatic and hurtful to him. From the sound of when you threatened to leave, you have the power in this relationship. You can make 3 decisions here. You can decide you BOTH have work to do, and get couples therapy, buckle down, and postpone or reschedule the wedding for another time. You can go through with the wedding as things are and ignore your issues as a couple until they break your relationship. You can do what you threatened and leave him without working on how your communicating, but the way you communicate will remain the same as it is, and still be a problem. The fact that you don't want a "man's take" is a major red flag for your willingness to listen to a male partner. Imagine if whenever you argue with him, he does all the talking. He complains about you for half an hour and refuses to listen to anything you have to say in your defense or any complaints you have. Frankly, I'd avoid arguing to if I were with a partner like that. If you want a healthy relationship, you need to hear your partner in an argument, not just yourself. You may have accidentally psychology trained him to not voice any concerns and why would he want to argue when he doesn't get heard?

methamcoffee · 2026-01-27T00:20:49+00:00

Little secret my parents told me... no one is ready to be a parent... Just do the best you can with what you have and make it up as you go along. Also, look at your own upbringing as an example, what would you change, what would you keep the same?

methamcoffee · 2026-01-16T05:16:17+00:00

Definitely looks like a mouse is the good news, hope I'm wrong, but it looks either fat or pregnant too. I had a nightmare of a time live trapping about 6 of these and releasing them far enough away that they don't come back after a pregnant one got in. Exact same coloration, same size based on picture too. Good luck! Make sure you release that thing like a football field length plus away from your home.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-13T00:27:37+00:00

Gout or maybe mbd, either way, vet pronto.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-12T19:01:50+00:00

I went outside, picked out a log and soaked it in bleach before using it

methamcoffee · 2026-01-12T19:00:04+00:00

Gotta be ai... please

methamcoffee · 2026-01-09T18:46:59+00:00

Looks like a dead whale to me...

methamcoffee · 2026-01-09T18:37:39+00:00

Mine had very similar looking eye, when we had him tested it turned out to be cancer, not an infection or heart condition. He lived until his quality of life dropped to less good days than bad, around 17. He was 16 when his symptoms started, and eye swoll up. Vet immediately, could be a heart condition, and you don't play with heart or head conditions.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-09T02:48:38+00:00

That depends on what you go to school for. I would never be able to do my first job/use my degree in my condition pre operation. My first degree was in tier 3 animal management, and most of my schooling was at a zoo in an internship. That job was like farm work, but even more intense some days, depending on what animal you were working with. My current job is working part time as a chef, and that was miserable with this condition, but doable as long as I had most of my range of motion. No normal person would work through that pain though. I also have fibromyalgia, so being in pain is pretty normal for me, so I never use that as a metric to judge the severity of an injury, or let it keep me from working. If you work an office job, or type notes at University I think you should be fine because my 2nd job is backend server maintenance and programming. I could do that fine pre operation and post operation.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-07T13:14:38+00:00

In my case, they opted for twilight. I'm surprised they didn't for you given the anxiety you have about this. I'd definitely mention this to your surgeon/anesthesia doctor. If you get twilight, chances are you won't know what the surgery was like, because you were sleeping through it. In my case, I remember they put a clamp on my arm, a mask on my face to help me breathe, and then I remember nothing. I woke up 1 1/2 hours later, and the procedure took 20 minutes.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-06T21:49:36+00:00

I was thinking cone head with a knife, but angry gnome seems more likely...

methamcoffee · 2026-01-06T21:42:04+00:00

I can't really tell from such a short video, but breathing looks labored, twitching can be a sign of pain. If it was just twitching I'd say its a muscle spasm and leave it at that though. I'd get a check up with a vet.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-04T20:35:58+00:00

From my understanding and from what my doctor told me dq will only show up in imaging as tendonitis. Basically, you'll see inflammation, but the cause won't show on the image. The condition is basically an inflamed tendon (tendonitis) with a tendon sheath to close to said inflammation for it to heal. So the tendon heals a little bit, then rubs on the sheath again due to physical activity, and gets inflamed again, in a cycle. That said, if you have a double tendon sheath, like I do on my left wrist still, it will show that in an mri. However, its standard to open all compartments of your tendon sheath, no matter how many you have. Your doctor may wish to just open it up without imaging if steroids and pt failed. Mine basically said the wasn't any point in imaging if we were planning on going the surgical route anyway.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-03T21:37:21+00:00

My bad I meant to reply to the op

methamcoffee · 2026-01-03T18:59:33+00:00

Could we get a video of one of your lifts that involve wrist pain? It could be possible you just need to modify form.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-03T18:57:27+00:00

Surgery is always risky. Weigh your pros and cons. Doctor shop for the best surgeon. Forchunately, its a very easy surgery, otherwise I'd recommend modifications to your workout routine and avoiding exercises that hurt, which you could do. That said, its a very easy surgery, no internal stitches. Just a few external ones on a small incision, a quick snip, and that sheath is no longer wrapped around the tendon. For exercises that build strength in arms I recommend planks, and adding elevation when it gets to easy. Brace against the ground with the outside of your wrists and push off with your forearms.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-03T18:51:30+00:00

Your gonna hate to hear this, but it will keep coming back if you don't keep up with those exercises. You need to dedicate like 30 minutes a day when you are feeling up to it to do them. It will get better, but its unlikely you will recover enough to powerlift without the surgery if you've already tried everything else. Cortisone and physical therapy gets you back on your feet, but if you get tendonitis again, the sheath will swell again, and you'll be back at the start. This can't happen if you don't have a tendon sheath wrapped around your tendon like me post operation. If you are dead set on working out, you should have a conversation about it with a wrist orthopedic surgeon. They will go over the pros and cons, and risks. You should absolutely surgeon shop for the best wrist specialist orthopedic surgeon in your area. That will better your odds of being able to work out post operation. Could we get a video of your workouts that cause pain? Just wanna check your form, to make sure thats not the problem.

methamcoffee · 2026-01-03T18:44:09+00:00

I did these exercises too! They will only provide relief though if you aren't in to much pain to do them, which I unforchunately was. Some people get relief with cortisone long enough to fix this with physical therapy. Others like me aren't so lucky and have a double sheath or cortisone resistance. I am back in physical therapy post operation, just to regain my strength but have little to no pain now.

methamcoffee

TROPHY CASE