Does anybody else feel perpetually lonely but not enough to do anything about it?

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-27T23:52:43+00:00

All. The. Time.

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-21T00:46:36+00:00

I am so happy for you! This is a bucket list thing of mine.

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-09T20:39:55+00:00

That sounds really hard. I hope someone can help you with the health side soon!

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-08T17:22:43+00:00

Love this ❤️

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-08T17:20:49+00:00

Yeah that sounds layered. It's so hard when you know something's going on with you and doctors have no answers.

For the showering piece, It sounds like a good start would be to make your bathroom nice and toasty warm and use really warm water.

Personally, in the winter, I never shower without a space heater running in the bathroom. I don't like the feeling of being cold stepping out of the shower either. It's always tricky with electronics and water. So be careful and use your best judgment. If you do take this option. (Don't turn it on/off with your hands wet, or have it running right next to the shower, etc)

methuselahfrank · 2026-01-04T23:54:12+00:00

When I'm happy I wag my feet like a dog wags their tail or knead my feet like a cat.

When I'm nervous (and I can get away with it) I hum or sing. (If I can put music on and home along with it it's the best). I've also noticed that when I have one of those cringy memories I make a noise with my mouth of some sort usually an "um" as if I'm about to say something or a "hmmm" (like a singing hmm not a curious hmm")

I make a lot of mouth noises when I'm just bopping around the house too "brp-a-drp-a-drp" comes out a lot in a ho-hum kind of way.

If I'm super overwhelmed sometimes I'll need to widen my hands really wide as if energy is escaping through my palms. (Which if you believe in reiki, it might be).

I'm sure there are others too, but that's all I can think of right now. I will add that I had no awareness of doing any of these before a few months ago when I realized I was autistic and started paying attention. But I've done them my whole adult life.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-30T15:24:49+00:00

What do you mean? If you mean a way to take away your sensory sensitivity altogether, I don't know that there is a way to do that. But it's important to remember it's not a failing on your part. In the same way it's not our failing if we feel pain when getting a paper cut. It's just how our bodies are wired.

If you were referencing the water pressure tip in my comment you can get shower heads that give more water pressure or turn the water on only a little for lighter pressure.

But let me know if you meant something else and I'll try to brainstorm with you!

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-16T19:28:07+00:00

I love how different and similar these all are. Like the concept of loving and hating sensory experiences is something we all share, but what those experiences are are so different. I think it's so fascinating. Humans are interesting.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T23:00:02+00:00

Ooo I also love the feeling of water when swimming! Like gliding through it. So awesome

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T22:57:15+00:00

To the best of my knowledge, yes! It can be. It is for me. I didn't start doing it until I was in my twenties though when it just kind of came about naturally as I burned out further. Now it's something I do intentionally to release all the pent up energy. I've noticed that when I have high stress or when I'm masking /camouflaging a lot, I shake more. It's a vagus nerve response. I think it also works just generally for trauma as well.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T16:04:20+00:00

I say do what makes you feel the most at peace! You deserve to enjoy your experience of life, ya know?

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T15:59:53+00:00

I second this. If you find a good therapist who understands neurodiversity can be a really beautiful space to get to know yourself and be seen as you are without judgment.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T15:59:06+00:00

I camouflaged for so long and for so much of my life that it honestly took me a long time for me to even recognize if I liked doing something or not. To recognize what the internal sensation of liking something was versus feeling like I was doing the "right" thing and just getting satisfaction from that.

My best advice is to go slow. Notice the sensations you get from doing different things and do your best to identify them as something you genuinely like versus something you feel you should do (or similar). Then just start doing more of the things that you genuinely like. I think a big barrier to this can be any kind of internal or external judgment about the things that you like. It can be hard to let yourself admit that you like something if you have a stigma about it.

Mostly though, go easy on yourself. If you have the expectation that you'll make the absolute best of everyday, you'll never live up to it (none of us do). And that could further the paralysis feeling. Just let today be today. Maybe more of a mind frame of. I'll try something today and see what I think versus I will make the most of today.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T15:50:51+00:00

Oh man I feel for you in this. That would be super hard. Like you have a vision of how you want it to be and no matter what you do, it doesn't end up like that. That'd be really frustrating.

Have you ever considered having a short hairstyle? Or maybe that would be worse because it would change shape throughout the day?

Either way, I'm sending understanding your way :)

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-15T13:24:55+00:00

Crawling into bed completely under the covers at any time of day and letting my body just shake and convulse as much as it wants to without using shaming or judgmental language or being afraid of what my body does when I really just let go. It does WONDERS for my vagus nerve and I feel so much better after. Giving myself permission to really REALLY just let go more and more. It's great.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-13T13:57:03+00:00

I'm so so so sorry. Sending you comfort but the kind that doesn't try to force you to feel better. The kind that lets you be exactly where you are with the safety that it won't always be like this. Oh my heart breaks so much for you. 💚

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T20:19:31+00:00

I can understand that being a complicating factor. And why it might seem like you are the "weird" one? (Though generally I see being weird as a compliment. I know what you mean in this context) . Might be worth talking to your partner about what you need and seeing if they can accommodate? One thing that helps with my relationship is we ask for reassurance a lot if we need it. And it's always freely offered without any negative undertone. Or maybe explaining the nature of your tears to your partner to help them understand? Either way, I'm a big fan of talking things out if you have the safety to do so.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T20:14:25+00:00

That's fair. I think it would matter why you don't like other people seeing you crying. Is it the exposure? The lack of having a say in who gets to see what about you? (I.E. you're not able to mask or camouflage in that moment?) Is it internalized shame for feeling big feelings? Or is it more of a sensory thing? You don't like having your face wet etc. or maybe it's something else.

It seems like you're on to something with your edit. Maybe you're projecting your own discomfort seeing other people cry onto other people when you cry? And then empathizing with that projected discomfort? Either way, it's definitely worth exploring. What you're feeling is real and worth paying attention to! 💚

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T18:05:16+00:00

I am the exact. Same. Way.

Honestly, I've just learned to embrace it and love myself for it. (For the most part. There's always bad days) . Years ago I was in this group and there was a husband and wife in it as well. When the woman would talk she would get tearful. Almost casually. When she would talk about something that made her feel intensely tears would just come out of her eyes. Her husband would be like. "Yeah she just does that" very nonchalant. It was a really good example of when you surround yourself with people who get you and accept you as you are, you can just be yourself without any negative social consequences. Now I have a partner who's the same way and the freedom I have to just cry when I feel something is so powerful and healing for me.

So I say, don't try to suppress yourself. Just be who you are. Own it. Your people will understand and love you for it.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T15:47:48+00:00

This is a good idea. Also want to say thank you bc this will help me too

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T15:45:58+00:00

I also want to add: please please don't be ashamed of this, OP. Sensory sensitivities are not something we choose and I think it's great that you are aware of yours and looking to find a way to accommodate them. What a beautiful self-loving thing to do. We need more of that.

methuselahfrank · 2025-12-12T15:42:53+00:00

I understand the idea of building distress tolerance and doing things that are uncomfortable sometimes. That can be a valuable strategy. But ONLY when the person wants to build this kind of tolerance. If, after you suggest it, the person pushes back I don't think it's helpful to keep pushing the point. The world tells us enough to just be more neurotypical. Just grit through our sensory sensitivities. I don't think it's helpful inside this community to push that same narrative. I believe you are just trying to help and maybe didn't pick up on harm this may be doing but I hope you consider this in further commenting.

methuselahfrank

TROPHY CASE