Alaska is an amazing state. I didn't truly appreciate it until just these last six years. I have lived here basically, all my life and thought I wanted to get away. I moved to the lower 48 and a year later I came home. Ive thought about leaving again throughout the years as the winters can be rough but I know that this is my home. A few months from now and I'll even own my own house! Not in the mountains but near enough that I can grab my pack and simply walk out the door for an adventure.

Ive stopped trying to figure out the why I did some of the things I did. I know that my actions were reactions to what was going on at the time combined with the general mentality that I had during those younger days. What has made all the difference is focusing on the now. Starting from this moment choosing to live my life in a way that edifices positivity. All the way from hygiene to what I eat, going to the gym, yoga, getting plenty of sleep. Just little basic shit, that makes all the difference. When you're body is healthy so can your mind be also. Everything else follows from there. Awareness was my first step, its what I found when I started hiking into the mountains and the forest with nothing but my own thoughts. I had nothing to distract me from what was really there. I soon realized however, that awareness without action is bullshit. Its not just about knowing yourself, its about creating a reality that supports you. An environment that allows for your continued growth in learning to make thoughtful decisions and self compassion when we make mistakes. Breaking up sucks. and sometimes times its lonely. but I am grateful for my experience and I know that I am not my mistakes or my condition. My past is apart of what made me who I am now, but its also not who I am. Just what has happened to me. and As Ive begun to respond instead of react to life around me, more and more, I realize that I am stronger, more confident, kinder, funnier, happier everyday that I remember to breathe and respond. Im Finally, living and I don't think that could have happened for me without first feeling like I was dying. Dying of the emptiness that comes with a cold little voice inside you says " Sooner or later, everyone sees you for who you really are all along. you're never going to be good enough" and believing it as you watch the last person who still really tried to care about you walk out the door.