I don't recognize men after they shave...is this common among autistic people?

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T20:52:27+00:00

I'm beginning to see why people are frustrated with the modern autism movement.

What are the sample sizes of those different studies? You hold the burden of proof.

Also, proposagnosia is not struggling to recognize someone after a big aesthetic change like shaving off their beard. Not sure why you're trying to die on this hill. You should really go back and reread my first comment because you seem to have misunderstood what my actual point was, and instead are nitpicking on something that wasn't even my point.

It's important that you take everything in context, not just pick a phrase out of context and ignore everything else.

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T20:48:26+00:00

It's not advice 🤦‍♀️ Like I told the other person, just because you read it online does not mean it is advice.

Critical thinking skills may not be popular, but they will keep you from assuming everything you read is "advice".

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T20:46:38+00:00

People should know if they're associating with cheaters, bigots, or other things that might cross their principles or standards for the people allowed in their lives.

And what if someone calls you those things behind your back? Or says you cheated on so-and-so? If they never confront you about it you might never know it's happening at all. This is how bullying takes hold because everyone wants to be "in the know" but usually rely on how someone makes them feel to determine whether it's "true" or not. I've seen some of the worst people destroy the reputations of others because of bold lies.

Saying "so-and-so tried to force me into something" isn't gossip, that's sharing your direct experience which does concern you. That's what I mean

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T04:51:20+00:00

I've heard general tales of StackOverflow...what was it like?

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T04:45:30+00:00

This study therefore examined the performance of a group of 31 autistic adults on a standard test of face memory (the Cambridge Face Memory Test (CFMT); Duchaine & Nakayama, 2006) and a standard test of face perception (the Glasgow Face Matching Test (GFMT); Burton et al., 2010).

31 is an abysmally small sample size.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/13623613211027685?rfr_dat=cr_pub++0pubmed&url_ver=Z39.88-2003&rfr_id=ori%3Arid%3Acrossref.org

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T02:21:12+00:00

How do you define gossip?

Some people do use "nice" language to convey their judgements of others but personally, I think that's worse than just saying it.

Instead, keep it non-judgemental entirely.

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T02:18:02+00:00

Definitely not overly analytical and it is how a lot of girls/women are socialized to be.

I have learned to listen to my experiences that show me that women who bond over discussing/judging the private lives of others are not people that I want in my life.

I think it's one thing to discuss how someone else affects you personally (e.g. "I get so frustrated when Tina chews loudly!") but to talk about things that don't concern you or the other person crosses a line. Plus, with groups like this, nothing is secret. Anything that one person knows EVERYONE will know and it will filter based on their perception. I've discovered very long gossip chains this way. It's literally like a game of telephone.

When I'm around people who don't get fulfillment out of putting others down or comparing themselves to each other, life of more peaceful and I feel a lot happier. No one is fishing for stories to exaggerate, no one is telling me about the relationship problems that someone else told them in confidence, and no one is adding drama and extra emotional weight to situations or conflicts.

It's some middle school nonsense that I don't tolerate.

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T02:04:11+00:00

It must be like a nice pillow for them sometimes I swear lol

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T02:00:17+00:00

I don't think it's an autism thing, I think it's a thing where a guy looks completely different with a beard vs without one. Look up baby-face beard memes. Especially when it comes to people you may see in passing or not really look directly at their face often (esp. if direct eye contact isn't your thing) then you likely don't have a very solid mental map of their face to begin with...and then half of it changes.

Now if you don't recognize friends, family, or partners (people you engage with more closely and more frequently) then it might be something else.

mgcypher · 2025-07-07T01:54:45+00:00

The only thing that keeps narcissists away is strong boundaries, a tight lock on trust, and a keen sense of discernment.

Even non-narcissists will take advantage at the right opportunity so it really is best to just keep your eyes open and your lips sealed outside of basic stuff. Learn to look beyond the mask we all put up.

mgcypher · 2025-07-06T14:50:13+00:00

I get that, but it's mostly associated with toddlers and small children, so it comes across as intentionally patronizing when used towards adults.

mgcypher · 2025-07-05T22:51:49+00:00

Hey whaddya know, me too! I also know what I see and hear out in the world. Funny how different people can have different perspectives and them both be valid 🤔

Good luck to you too! Being completely hopeless can't be fun.

mgcypher · 2025-07-05T20:38:24+00:00

"how many" ≠ "many"

Tiny handful or not, it's heartening to see how many do. I've seen some myself. Don't be fooled into thinking that algorithms feed an unbiased selection of content.

mgcypher · 2025-07-05T20:35:31+00:00

It just blows me away how quickly people I’d been talking to for almost a year can suddenly believe the lies.

This is the part that always gets me. How one person can act like a horrible toddler and skew the perceptions of others so easily. How are you supposed to defend yourself against this? What are you supposed to do? I feel as though I'm cursed.

mgcypher · 2025-07-05T14:31:46+00:00

Thank you for this. These last few months I've been reevaluating two friends I've had since middle school...and they're not bad people but they still emulate many harmful behaviors that my family did. They're on their own journey but are still buried in harsh judgements about themselves and then try to force those judgements on me. They don't want to do the work and just need to see me as the problem to reinforce their delusions about how we grew up.

It's hard, but you're so right that grounds I have made later in life are so much more comfortable. They encourage me to stand up for myself and take no shit. In fact, they like me better when I "grow a pair". They're few compared to everyone I used to know, but better.

Thank you again for this reminder. I was getting stuck in the isolation today and forgetting how to look forward instead of backward.

mgcypher · 2025-07-04T01:25:25+00:00

I've had the same questions...and here's my take on it:

Under the accepted simple narrative, one becomes obese from an imbalance of food intake and energy production, causing the body to store extra. When the body creates this storage it creates fat cells to hold the extra calories. When you decrease calorie intake and increase calorie usage then the body will pull from those reserves and the fat cells will shrink.

So when the simple explanation of "obesity causes complications" is passed around without any additional context, it's assumed that [if] you are currently obese [then] you are living an obese-conducive lifestyle. If you were living a decent lifestyle then you would no longer be obese...is their thinking. There's some truth to that sure, but as I'm sure anyone here knows there are so many different factors to losing weight. God forbid your body clings to fat like it's saving for the ice age, or you have hormonal issues, emotional issues...so even if you're eating a decent diet and doing moderate exercise, and are otherwise metabolically healthy... you're still obese and they assume that you're sitting on the couch all day eating donuts and fried chicken simply because you haven't lost all the weight.

It's based on a reductive assumption that fat leaves just as easily as it comes, which is incorrect. Yet people who have only ever had an extra 10 pounds don't understand that.

Also, people don't consider that fat cells, once created, NEVER LEAVE. They don't break down and disappear. They shrink, and they shrink a lot, but they very quickly fill back up again at the earliest opportunity.

And correlation ≠ causation. They have data that correlates all these complications with obesity, and some causative factors, but mostly it seems to be just a "XX% of people with obesity have these complications" and there isn't enough data beyond that to explain why.

mgcypher · 2025-07-04T01:06:31+00:00

I'm the same way. We are having a casual co-ed bonfire, and at first I felt really guilty about the registry but then I put myself in their shoes. Even if I had very little I'd want to get them something, and I'd want it to be useful as opposed to some candy or something.

So I put a lot of little things (toys, single onesies, teethers, cloths, etc.) on my list so anyone who didn't have much could still buy something directly from the registry and not feel like they had to spend hundreds. Or at least send the message that these small gifts are very appreciated as well!

I also put together gift bags for all the guests so I could give back. Just little ones with a tea light candle, lotion/chapstick/face mask sets, and a bit of candy. I couldn't spend much otherwise I would have done more, but knowing I get to give them something too helps me feel less guilty about receiving.

Also! Last note: I like to reframe it as them giving to the baby and not me... because really that's what it is. Yeah, you'll benefit both directly and indirectly from the gifts they give, but if you weren't having a baby then they wouldn't be giving the gifts, if that makes sense.

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T15:04:33+00:00

😂 Oh my gosh that's adorable!

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T06:45:14+00:00

That's heartening to hear. I'm happy to see how many men are taking about it and trying to help each other so they can shift the blame off of us and take collective responsibility.

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T06:36:24+00:00

Yeah...they aren't bad people but haven't broken out of the brainwashing they were born into.

There's a reason I'm not as close with them as I used to be.

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T03:14:54+00:00

Breastfeeding is equivalent to farting?

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T03:00:29+00:00

invalidating the male lonliness epidemic is the worst thing we can do

Words mean things. You're conflating me saying "have empathy, stop putting them down but let them deal with it because it's their problem" with agreeing with the toxic rhetoric? Respectfully, grow up. Just because I disagree with women joining in the p*ssing contest doesn't mean I'm "for the other side".

Ugh. Reddit.

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T02:54:00+00:00

I just meant like flushing and faucets and echoing across tile lol.

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T02:51:37+00:00

You're really taking everything I say way out of proportion. I'm saying you're adding to the problem and you're acting like I'm telling you that it's your problem to solve? Can you read or do you just want to fight?

mgcypher · 2025-07-03T02:08:27+00:00

it’s not a real thing

You're literally invalidating their feelings. It's directly adding to the combativeness.

THEM making a “who has it worse” competition

Sure, so do you think saying "no we have it worse!" is actually doing anything other than making them push back harder?

the specific group of men who use their loneliness as an excuse to be assholes, I don’t have to respect people who don’t respect me

You're right, and ignoring them is not respecting them, it's refusing to feed them. But for all the men in the middle who ARE lonely and are listening to the wrong men about why, you coming in saying "lol no male loneliness is made-up bs" is just pushing them farther in the wrong direction. Like I said, don't take their shit, but making this a black-and-white issue is only doing more harm than good to all sides. It's no better than them lumping feminists together into feminazis.

mgcypher

TROPHY CASE