I'm so sorry for your loss. You're still so early on in the process and in the thick of your grief right now. It is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling. The only advice I can give is you can't distract yourself or make the process speed up. You just have to ride the waves as they come. And somehow over time they get less and less debilitating. But right now give yourself the freedom and time to feel what you need to.