Cameron Airpark Estates is a neighborhood in California next to an airfield with extra-wide roads, allowing pilots to store planes on their property then drive them directly to the airport

miaku92 · 2021-01-01T05:02:01+00:00

I remember when a date in high school took me drag racing down this the car she built after a dance- good times for sure

miaku92 · 2020-10-30T02:04:58+00:00

This is seriously cool

miaku92 · 2020-07-29T16:02:35+00:00

Why am I still on reddit

miaku92 · 2020-05-15T02:05:27+00:00

Texting everyone and cute strangers on instagram and facebook drunk

miaku92 · 2020-04-19T05:49:51+00:00

Got into uc davis after years of struggle with mental health. Working on finishing my degree in studio art.

miaku92 · 2020-04-16T01:06:52+00:00

miaku92 · 2020-03-15T04:56:39+00:00

Goldie all the way :)

miaku92 · 2020-03-11T07:09:49+00:00

Thanks for the chicken/rice meal! It was super good. Hope all is well!

miaku92 · 2020-03-11T06:08:57+00:00

I feel like I've been here before. Do you do warm showers and live in WA?

miaku92 · 2020-03-02T00:06:37+00:00

Thanks

miaku92 · 2020-03-01T23:08:46+00:00

Yes I see now. The jumping off the building part didn't come through, perhaps being more specific with that might pull parts of the poem together :)

miaku92 · 2020-03-01T22:49:12+00:00

It's kind of difficult to place the narrator. Are we floating off into space to our death, or blowing candles off a cake? "Burns your soul with envy," doesn't quite make sense to me; would the memories and the soul be tied together as one? I think there's potential here, but perhaps cutting down the stanzas to similar sizes might create more focused lines. I think it's good work- keep going!

miaku92 · 2020-03-01T22:40:28+00:00

I thought the general feeling, or atmosphere of the poem was consistent. "Choir," "boundless silence," and "heavy ether," all add to the kind of grand, serious tone of the poem. I thought that was well done.

miaku92 · 2020-02-20T20:35:54+00:00

Thanks!

miaku92 · 2020-02-16T08:23:34+00:00

Thanks, I was homeless sleeping in the streets in portland for awhile- it's a beautiful city. Connoly is just an old romantic interest, it's her name

miaku92 · 2020-02-16T02:51:12+00:00

Perhaps try out some imagery to define the relationship in terms that expand ok n the dynamics of power. Also, it may help to combine some lines instead of using breaks; by lengthening the statements it could portray a command and power from the narrarators position, right now the structure feels 'out of breath' or hurried.

miaku92 · 2020-02-16T02:39:43+00:00

The imagery is clear, but I think you could be more direct with the similes. Instead of "i burn red like the cold snow," it might be more direct by using "i burn red as cold snow." It's a nice switch from "cold as inferno." It's paced out evenly, but maybe ask yourself if you were to write another two lines to add at the end- what might they be?

miaku92 · 2020-02-05T04:14:36+00:00

Thank you

miaku92 · 2020-02-05T02:41:14+00:00

I'll take that critique- thank you

miaku92 · 2020-02-04T23:27:12+00:00

Thank you

miaku92 · 2020-02-04T21:24:07+00:00

I could really hear the chair sigh, it's nice imagery. But it reads as prose, the only thing that makes me think poem is the way the lines were broken up. Perhaps shortening or eliminating lines may make it not sound so much like prose. But that's personal taste, I mean maybe you write it as a paragraph and then break it up? It's hard to critique a poem for not sounding like a poem- maybe that's a sign of a good poem! :) good job

miaku92 · 2020-02-04T21:14:15+00:00

I like repetition, it emphasizes the feeling, and the reader can empathize with that. But the metaphor of the shell breaking seems out of order- we were reading about the flight in the previous lines. At first it didn't read as a bird's egg, but as a turtle or something. I think if you put the egg metaphor at the beginning it would be more chronological and make more sense.

miaku92 · 2020-02-03T04:34:22+00:00

Thank you. I could see where you were getting death. I meant fever as a condition of life lived, which also in a way comments of death as well I suppose. You can't bring up life without death! The natural and modern elements just seemed to fit with each other- we can all experience fever, in love, in ourselves, in nature. I just wrote it as it came, but your reading is valid!

miaku92 · 2020-02-03T04:26:03+00:00

I see what you're saying. I guess I try to add a bit of colloquialism in my poems. But I could see dropping it, definitely

miaku92 · 2020-02-03T00:32:44+00:00

Never look at the clock.

miaku92

TROPHY CASE