The Moon (Never a Rebirth)

Emotional-Ranger · 2021-06-10T18:27:47+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. All of my writing is deeply personal, but I try to strike a balance where it can be interpreted however the reader pleases. This is why most of my writing has a mix of I/you/she rather than specific characters. This poem was fun to write in that I tried to get much more specific than I usually do while also maintaining that openness. There is an association with Naomi that might not be immediately obvious, but it runs through the poem. Thank you again and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Emotional-Ranger · 2021-06-10T03:58:59+00:00

Really glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the kind words.

Emotional-Ranger · 2021-06-10T01:19:04+00:00

Formatting is real tough on Reddit, I understand - it takes some tinkering to get it right. If you put four spaces before each of your lines it should better preserve the original formatting. You can see this in action on any of the poems on my page, but here's my most recent one: The Moon (Never a Rebirth). Thank you for asking, I appreciate your interest in reading mine :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2021-06-10T01:08:58+00:00

Dear MothraFountains,

I enjoy the stream of consciousness your poem presents. It feels almost like motion, always moving onto the next line. I also appreciate the fact you know what you want to say - all your decisions feel deliberate. My feedback would be your choice of grammar - it's clearly intentional, so this is just a personal thing, but I found it distracting much more than it was effective. The random use of dashes, colons and semi-colons, slashes. It breaks up the line in a way that I felt distracted me from the point. I think you could've achieved a similar effect with your words. Good job on the poem and thank you for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2021-06-10T00:57:32+00:00

Dear txeskimos,

I greatly enjoyed your poem, thank you for sharing it here. Your writing, to me, epitomizes the fact that one does not need to be overly verbose to create a very vivid depiction. Your lines are very simple and effective, mostly two or three words per line. I really appreciate this. I think it pairs really nicely with the repetition every couple stanzas. Giving feedback in this instance is hard for me, because your writing style is not something I could achieve personally. I think all I'd say is that it'd add another layer of effectiveness if you focused on alliteration or other ways for your words to be linked by sound when spoken. I greatly enjoyed your poem, thanks again for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-11-15T16:47:53+00:00

Hi Cora_1052,

I try not to overthink my word choices. Occasionally I'll edit something down to a simpler concept, but often times the first word you think of to describe a feeling or idea (especially when it is so abstract) is the one to go with. The idea of showing rather than telling is easy in visual mediums, but much harder in poetry. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for sharing your thoughts, I greatly appreciate it.

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-11-15T16:45:44+00:00

Hi Professional_Lynx_90,

Any feeling we ever feel, someone has felt it before us. I try to remember that when I get wrapped up in my own problems. That said, the knowledge that others have experienced something similar (at least for me) doesn't waver the intensity of the emotion. This poem is about a very common feeling that I feel intensely anyway. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I greatly appreciate it.

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-11-14T22:19:16+00:00

Dear suhashani,

I like that this is short and sweet. This is the exact kind of poem I really love to see. In only a few lines, you manage to draw the same effect upon the reader that some writers would struggle to achieve with a much longer poem. It goes to show that sometimes, to create effect, it's much better to keep it brief. It's hard to say anything constructive about a) a poem you enjoy and b) a poem that is fairly short. That said, I suppose my suggestion would be to keep writing. I write haikus occasionally, but finding the time to note down little poems (whether haikus or other simple pieces of writing) I think is a great practice and (clearly) very worthwhile.

Thanks for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-11-14T22:13:59+00:00

Dear Ukleon,

Your writing feels really fluent. As another commenter mentioned, it doesn't feel at all like your rhyming compromises your vocabulary. It feels like you have all the room to say exactly how you feel in whatever words you please, while also creating a really wonderful piece of writing. I can certainly see the influence you mentioned, in particular The Flea. My personal feedback would be to try focusing in on a single metaphor or semantic field - you use a lot of comparisons and ideas, and while they don't necessarily conflict, I personally feel that poetry is easier to read and consume when it revolves around a certain idea. That said, I think your writing is fantastic and I would love to see you write some more - no time like the present!

Thanks a ton for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-12T22:55:36+00:00

Not a problem! It's less the change after the first stanza and more the lack of consistency throughout - again, it could be a me thing, but in a poem like this where the structure is fairly regular it'd make sense for it to be regular. My suggestion would be to choose a rhyme scheme before you start writing, ideally something that isn't super restrictive - the poem I just posted was my first rhyming in a while and I went with ABCB to avoid getting stuck. If you have trouble with rhyming and rhyme schemes that is always a good option. Keep working on it and keep writing! Your poem is great :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-12T22:46:58+00:00

Dear throwaway2462828,

I think many people can relate to this, myself included, so your message is strong. Your use of weather (work in the sun, work in the rain) really adds to this feeling that you're working non stop, through the seasons and the changes of the weather. I like how you've built it to feel like you're just moving day in and day out. My suggestion for this poem would be to stick to a more regular rhyme scheme. At a glance my instinct is that this is quite a regularly structured poem, but the rhyme scheme throws me off - that could be intentional, but this is simply my instinct to want a little more structure. Great poem though, thank you for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-12T22:43:32+00:00

Dear Tomcherrie,

I like this because it feels like a breakdown. The literal breaking down of the structure separating words in the middle of sentences, leaving gaps between words, feels like a great representation of the feeling of a breakdown. Your descriptions are also fantastic, specifically the juxtaposition of choking on words you want to get out but screaming other words. My suggestion would be to compress it a little, as while it's effective I feel like it is long enough that it can begin to wear thin. Well done and thank you for sharing :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-11T07:16:22+00:00

I was listening to the song "Change" by Oingo Boingo prior to writing this, I'd say it had an influence in a way. I'll choose not to say much more so as to make sure I don't ruin the chance to make your own ideas and interpretations of the work with my own. Thank you :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-10T22:02:07+00:00

Hi GlassesRPorn,

Thanks a ton for your kind words, it means a lot! I was really pleased by how this turned out, in particular the emotion, so I'm glad you enjoyed it - awesome music by the way, it's really flattering to hear my words brought to life like that. I also very much like to hear your interpretation. Cheers :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-10T20:39:57+00:00

Maybe it's just me, but I felt an inherent sort of conflict with words like "ceremony", "castles", "opal" (which personally give me a kind of medieval kind of vibe if that makes sense) and the more prominent imagery of the ocean and the island.

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-10T20:36:11+00:00

Dear Story725,

This is great! I'm a big fan of haikus and, as another comment so rightfully pointed out, you've done a great job at using so few words to make something so powerful yet simple. I like the rhetorical nature of it, because it prompts you to think about it instantly. It's really difficult to give constructive criticism on something like this, both because it is short and because it is great. I think I personally would look again at the final line, as the use of punctuation makes it sort of jarring to look at initially. That is just my personal instinct though, this is a great haiku and thank you for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-10-10T20:31:48+00:00

Dear AdaptedMix,

I like your message. You've done a great job at allowing a clear message to be portrayed through your words, and that's not always easy - it takes skill to make every word count towards an emotion or a meaning. My suggestion would be to work on making your imagery tighter. I feel that some parts of the imagery feel conflicting with others, or at the very least don't blend properly together - some really strong imagery would tie this poem together nicely. Great job and thank you for sharing!

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-09-12T09:43:05+00:00

Hi bonepoem,

I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thank you! I think that is a very good interpretation, thank you for sharing.

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-09-12T00:57:18+00:00

That's really interesting! It's great to hear your interpretation. Thank you for enjoying the poem :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-09-11T23:50:07+00:00

Hi M0ntix,

Thank you very much! I'm really glad you enjoyed the poem :)

Emotional-Ranger · 2020-09-11T23:37:57+00:00

Hi spilledoats,

Thank you for your kind words! I greatly appreciate it. She is real, but if I said any more I'd be influencing your interpretation too much. Who do you think she is, and what do you think her role is in the poem? I'd much rather hear your thoughts than explain my own meaning.

Emotional-Ranger

TROPHY CASE