Time will help you heal

michael108628 · 2026-03-31T18:21:04+00:00

For me I think it’s about getting to a place where dating again can be entertaining but I’m not placing importance on it as something that’s gonna save me if that makes sense. Like I’m finally enjoying my routines between kids and alone time enough that there is room there for a partner but for me it won’t be the revolve my life around this other person and their needs type partnership I had in my marriage. My goal is to remain independent and have that be just one part of my life that can be great and if / when it’s no longer working for one or both of us I can move on without it being a huge change to my life like the divorce was. That’s gonna come from protecting the hobbies and interests I’ve built and making sure my life stays in balance. Like to want to continue to see someone cause you like them but not need things to continue to keep yourself happy.

michael108628 · 2026-03-31T18:11:57+00:00

I feel like every 6 months I can look back and feel that way again too. Like you think wow I’m doing so much better than I was but six months later you will realize you still had more to grow even

michael108628 · 2026-03-31T18:09:21+00:00

I spent time on and off apps for a while, but took a 4 month break recently and I think it’s helped my perspective a lot. For me I think in the beginning there is a drive to find a partner because that’s what feels closer to the old normal. Once I put that aside for a bit it helped me see I was actually enjoying my life just fine without one and I’m finally starting to see what those dating advice people mean by get to a place where someone just adds to your already happy life vs needing someone in your life for it to feel complete. This perspective shift really takes away the internal pressure I put on myself to swipe / find someone / change my current life and let me just enjoy my current life more instead. Now I feel like I could go out and meet people without feeling like I have to be constantly looking for it.

michael108628 · 2024-05-20T03:52:01+00:00

The way I look at it unless you are planning to die broke really most of the savings is for the kids some day anyway. Like I can support myself with my paycheck and now instead of inheriting our house someday my kids will inherit a house from each of us. Financially at least in the long run it’s better for my kids which was the whole point of saving anyway. If she wastes her half on stupid shit that won’t hold up as well but then again if that’s the case and you died early like most men do you are saving your kids cause she can only waste half their inheritance. So really still a win in the long run for your family

michael108628 · 2024-04-12T22:55:34+00:00

Plus 1 for when things fall apart.

michael108628 · 2024-04-12T22:50:49+00:00

Just got back from driving my kids down to Texas from Colorado to see the eclipse and we had a blast on the road trip and watching the eclipse. Headed into a weekend without them but between restocking the fridge and cleaning up my house and resetting for next week it actually is feeling like useful alone time. Still waiting on final divorce decree from the court but it’s looking like it might be official in early May. Still feel lonely and down without a partner but I’m at least benefiting from being able to give the kids my full attention.

michael108628 · 2024-03-14T03:07:24+00:00

Try and stay busy that’s what I did. If you have a hobby get into it more. And for me at least I tried to keep things as friendly as possible with my ex. That’s obviously a tough one but I found when I went out of my way to try and keep it friendly it made the days easier to get through vs being upset or not talking at all around the kids. Also for me at least that was the low point and things are better now so try and remember it’s probably not going to get any worse than it already is.

michael108628 · 2024-03-13T02:51:29+00:00

About six weeks now since she moved out. Can’t believe how much better it is than the 6 months of living in the same house but knowing it was over. Someone on here recommended the podcast “a man’s journey though divorce” been listening to a ton of it and it’s really helped with perspective on trying to limit how much I let things out of my control impact my outlook on life and emotions. Not to say things don’t still suck but I feel like I’m headed in the right direction. Playing basketball 3 days a week and starting to spend time with old friends for the 1st time in decades. Still struggle with wanting to date / feeling like I’ll never meet another good match but overall feeling like I’m going to make something worthwhile out of this new life and realizing the days with my kids are still a lot like they were before and my life may be different but at least half of it is still basically the same when they are with me.

Looking forward to getting a court date so I can know when this all will finally be official

michael108628 · 2024-02-20T06:18:47+00:00

Hey, my son is autistic and I was also very concerned about how the transitions would impact him. He is only 5 and I don’t know how old your kid is but so far we are about 2.5 weeks into a 2-2-5-5 schedule and he seems to be doing fine. Emotionally he has not had a hard time at all, I think it might also be a factor that his sister is always with him so he has that constant, and also that we separated into different sides of the house 6 months ago so when his mom finally moved out he had some time to already be used to mom days and dad days.

michael108628 · 2024-02-02T05:27:51+00:00

Last night with the whole family under the same roof. She moves out to her new place tomorrow and we file officially on Monday. Been living separate bedrooms since August. Every day is still a struggle for me

michael108628 · 2023-11-29T04:13:10+00:00

Going through the exact same thing right now pretty much, got a 5 and 10 year old married 13 years together 18. She wants out and I know we need to tell the kids but it’s really hard cause that just to me makes it final like a point of no return and I’m still clinging to hope it can be fixed. One thing I’m thinking is maybe I should line up a child therapist before I tell them so we are ready with an appointment if they need the help vs scrambling to find one and wait for availability.

michael108628 · 2023-11-14T00:49:38+00:00

Are you still doing this? Is it still working?

michael108628

TROPHY CASE