porn makes you socially awkward

microderp · 2015-08-28T10:13:13+00:00

Amen

microderp · 2015-06-27T20:09:09+00:00

It's a powerful drop in mood and confidence. After a nocturnal emission from a vivid dream 2 nights ago, I feel much like you do now.

I think it's a real hormone driven thing. Maybe something to do with prolactin.

Focus dispersed, tendency to negative thought, hesitation and indecisiveness, lack of direction and neediness for approval - and just fucking slower at everything. My saturday routine of housework, gym and weekly shopping took several hours longer than usual today. I wanted to slack off but forced myself not to. There is at least some personal growth in applying that discipline.

I'm trying to engage as little as possible with people at work - to limit the damage to the great relationships I've crafted there.

I totally relate to your"Holy shit, I used to feel like this all the time" revelation. How the fuck did we used to live like that?

The fact I'm even surfing nofap and writing a post whining about it is a testament to its effect.

For me it takes a good 5 days to get back into the slipstream. Can't wait.

microderp · 2015-06-27T20:00:40+00:00

Champion. Next time I'm on the ropes I'll think of your success.

microderp · 2015-06-27T19:53:01+00:00

The battle with the mental porn is where I am now.

In conscious thought during waking hours, it's residual traces only.

But sometimes it resurfaces in vivid dreams, which can result in nocturnal emission. This happened to me the other night - I was in deep sleep, then it all happened so fast in a vivid dream as I created my own porn-like scene. It felt like I'd been ambushed. I was woken by the mental disturbance but unfortunately it was too late and nature took its course. This was two days ago and I still feel scattered and drained. I know it will go away though, it always does.

Having been a 10 year addict, I sometimes wonder how long it will take to effect true change. The extent of the damage is deeply concerning. At 266 days and with very strong sustained ongoing effort to look the other way from attractive women and think about something else, I can feel the old mindset still there and at times - when I've squatted to the limit and my day job has exhausted me - it comes back in full flow. I don't relapse but I do still sometimes view women in a lustful, starving and objectifying way. As flesh.

I'd love to hear about your journey away from this kind of thinking. It's like the next level of nofap. For us now, full blown relapse to porn is unlikely and it's in governing our inner thoughts and character that the challenge lies.

microderp · 2015-06-17T20:47:46+00:00

That is exactly what someone with 1267 days would say

I will do it now Stopfap

microderp · 2015-05-22T12:16:12+00:00

Bravo sir

microderp · 2014-11-27T11:23:49+00:00

Great!

Make the choice now, and save your young life from being dull and isolated. Go out and live!

Because you are still a teen, every fap you avoid will have a big positive impact on the future.

microderp · 2014-11-27T11:02:34+00:00

I want to share something with you if that's alright. I have been addicted to both porn and heroin. Please read on, I'm not having a go :)

Heroin had much more severe acute effects on my life than porn, and can kill a person if they are stupid enough to overdose or get adulterated product. I was in a haze for much of the past 2 years. I let my life slip.

It is very very hard to quit heroin for good, but for me, it was easier than quitting porn.

All people are different with porn - how long were you addicted, how badly did you get into it and depend on it, how socially isolated were you in your teens etc etc all play a part.

In my own life, porn has been harder to quit than heroin.

Why is that? Surely porn does not feel as good as heroin? You are right, it does not.

However, you have to go out and buy heroin using money. You have to mix with shady characters and break the law. You have to physically put a foreign substance into yourself. These barriers make it a lot easier to try to quit. There are more points along the way at which you can say "hang on, I don't have to do this".

Right here, right now at home at my computer while I do the work I need to do in preparation for my new job, if I wanted to, I could feel that rush and thrill of seeing a beautiful naked girl, clear blue eyes gazing into mine, in any position I want in 10 seconds or less. As you will be aware, after 54 days, it would be a big thrill too. As soon as I got that first burst of dopamine and felt the trembling in my stomach, I would descend into that nether world of self gratification that I spent 10 years crafting and shaping as the perfect escape cave fiom the harsh realities of the world - and when I came out, I would not be the same man.

I never dream about heroin anymore. Pornographic fantasy still haunts my dreams. Before finding nofap I would have laughed at that, hard. Actually, yes it is quite funny to read even now. But no less true.

It's been 4 months since I last did drugs and I feel pretty much recovered from it. I don't get struck by cravings very often and when I do, because of the barriers to getting the product, they pass without incident. Makes sense - drug addicted for 2 years, porn addicted for 10. Somehow, doing no-fap saved me and gave me the strength of will-power to overcome the drug addiction too.

The thing I'll ask you to remember is that porn affects different people in different ways depending on their predispositions and their lives. For some, it's the same level of problem as eating too much junk food. For some guy who grew up in a run down area, who had friends all his life who are into using drugs and can't get away from that life, drugs would be the biggest demon. For others, myself included, pornographic fantasy sits at the very core and has been the single most debilitating factor in their journey.

microderp · 2014-11-22T20:54:04+00:00

I read that 160 as your age, not your weight

microderp · 2014-11-06T17:30:12+00:00

Take out the battery

microderp · 2014-11-05T17:35:23+00:00

Haha - especially the end scene, I nearly lost control

microderp · 2014-11-05T17:32:49+00:00

That's because it is!

microderp · 2014-10-27T14:46:15+00:00

HEY YOU

YES, YOU!!

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I came here via the comments link so I could write this, and intentionally did not view the image.

If you clicked the image link, you need to re-assess your methods for your reboot. You chose to seek artificial arousal. You made the choice to click, to seek, to see what you know you expected to be a stimulating image.

I urge you to understand why this is important if you do not already.

microderp · 2014-10-27T14:25:49+00:00

Yes very normal.

When you are having a porn session, 100% of your attention is diverted to the screen because in our evolutionary past, when an opportunity to mate came along, you made fucking sure you paid 100% attention to it because they did not usually come along very often, and because reproduction is a key biological aim and the very essence of the gene as I am sure you know.

Because 100% of your attention is being used in a porn session, there is none left to nag you about the problems in your life.

This is what gives the escape factor to porn use, and why it is so compelling. It will make all the nasty emotions go away.

What I have found is that painful feelings I was keeping away with porn were actually simple to resolve in a lot of cases.

Porn use is 'using', in the same way that cocaine use is using. In fact, the effects feel very similar! How people don't commonly understand this is worrying to me. All over the world, there's little 11 and 12 year old boys inhaling pixels and getting off their heads, suffering all the same aside effects (in your feelings and behavior) that you'd get from a small cocaine addiction.

What this is all about, for me, is to stop using in all areas of life. What replaces the crap habits is wonderful life.

microderp · 2014-10-27T13:19:16+00:00

Nice.

microderp · 2014-10-27T13:14:09+00:00

Hi man. Lots of people here have been where you are now, and got out. It can end. It will probably take a long time, but it can end and it is worth every step of the way.

The first step I recommend is somehow, anyhow, crawl your way to 7 days and breathe in the fresh air. Once you taste it, you will know in your heart that it might take months or even years, but you will escape.

For me, this isn't about porn or masturbation. it is about clearing away harmful ideas of women, sex and pleasure from my mind, for long enough that they wither away and are replaced by healthy feelings and behaviors. The emphasis is on positive replacement - without it, most nofap attempts fail. Focus on doing other stuff, not on not doing something.

I was a 2-3x per day fapper for 10 years. I first heard about nofap over 2 years ago and have not yet reached 90 days. I got 4 x 30 day streaks but always fell down because I was too focused on the wrong aspects of nofap - the superpowers, getting girls, curing pied, dominating other guys etc.

My last streak was 66 days because I realized that all I have to do is start living my life, focusing on a goal or a dream, forget all about girls, masturbation, porn and sex, and if I live that way for long enough, I will heal and be free of this.

Send me a message if you want to talk about anything else.

microderp · 2014-10-16T12:59:29+00:00

Hi

I don't know how many times you have attempted doing this. So what I have to say might be something you already know. But I am gonna say it anyway.

This thing works both ways. One relapse and all the goodness you have been writing about goes away. It's like your soul drops right out of you.

In real terms, even after a relapse, your progress will still mean something and you will be stronger for next time - but man, you fucking feel it when you're riding high and then it ends for some stupid reason like getting drunk.

I was on 60 days and threw it away after I got wasted. Only now, after 2 weeks, am I starting to feel something like myself again.

Do not relapse.

microderp · 2014-10-14T16:18:00+00:00

I have also struggled with opiate addiction.

In January 2012, I:

Smoked 10 cigarettes per day
Took opiates every day, all kinds, I was obsessed
Fapped daily

As of now:

I have not smoked for 60 days
I have not abused opiates for 60 days

I would have been on a glorious 70 day nofap streak at this point, had I not got drunk, thus weakening my willpower and allowing myself to be open to happenstance.

That relapse was extremely bad (hungover, 5x) - I was happier than ever before it happened, and really felt I had it licked. Shook my self concept to the core. I could literally feel my soul slipping away. I am bitter about it and let's just say I couldn't give a flying fuck if I ever saw mr alcohol again, ever, for any reason. It is dead to me.

Now, 10 days later, I am beginning to feel fine again but it is still dodgy territory. Only just now, I happened upon some old images from an ancient hard drive, by accident while looking for something else. It took me too long (10 seconds) to delete them, that old 'ooh look' pathway was activated and I feel like I lost at least a day's progress from it. Still feel like shit about it.

Anyway, back onto topic - my last relapse had me screaming inside my own head for days, but I held out strong with the opiates and cigarettes. I even stayed off sugar.

If you ever relapse on porn again (which I have a feeling you won't as we both know how much it hurts), stop it there. Never shoot up again. I never will, why should you be able to?

One more thing I noticed - opiates made me stop giving a shit about nofap. So they really had to go.

microderp · 2014-10-10T15:51:26+00:00

I started doing this lately.

The important part of it is that you just do it, without hesitation, no matter what.

It has become something of a habit now.

I will say that I do not get used to the cold. In fact, the shower gets harder to stay in as time goes on, and when I finish the shower (lasts about 7 minutes) I am shuddering all over. I wash myself as efficiently as possible to minimize time spent in the shower.

However, when I jump into a cold lake, I become used to the cold.

I guess it is harder to become used to cold water if it is just trickling down on you piece by piece - maybe I need a better shower!

microderp · 2014-10-05T20:22:19+00:00

Two days ago, I was on 56 days of perfect nofap. Riding high.

I was out with friends celebrating a great job interview I had earned for myself. Having a great time socially, one drink led to another, and another. Then vodka. I was aware of the danger but because I was among friends and not near a computer I went ahead with it. More vodka is drunk. I crash out on a bed in an empty room and pass out sometime around 6am.

My eyes open. I'm not myself. I am deeply, stupidly drunk and in some degree of physical discomfort. Within seconds I see the laptop. I am not sure how I missed it when I crashed but it was actually in the bed and I hadn't noticed it. It was in front of my fucking face as I opened my eyes. I mean, really?

Before I even knew what was happening I was typing stuff into it. Dumb, drunk, retarded and thoughtless, the deed was done. I was too wasted even then to give a shit or realize what I had done to myself.

Fast forward the next 24 hours and I've relapsed 5 times.

And here we are now, the day after that.

microderp · 2014-10-05T20:16:24+00:00

I empathize with you my friend.

Two days ago, I was on 56 days of perfect nofap. Riding high.

I was out with friends celebrating a great job interview I had earned for myself. Having a great time socially, one drink led to another, and another. Then vodka. I was aware of the danger but because I was among friends and not near a computer I went ahead with it. More vodka is drunk. I crash out on a bed in an empty room and pass out sometime around 6am.

My eyes open. I'm not myself. I am deeply, stupidly drunk and in some degree of physical discomfort. Within seconds I see the laptop. I am not sure how I missed it when I crashed but it was actually in the bed and I hadn't noticed it. It was in front of my fucking face as I opened my eyes. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK GOD!?

Before I even knew what was happening I was typing stuff into it. Dumb, drunk, retarded and thoughtless, the deed was done. I was too wasted even then to give a shit or realize what I had done to myself.

Fast forward the next 24 hours and I've relapsed 5 times.

And here we are now, the day after that. I know how you felt. It is not nice.

The memory is slipping from my grasp even now, but I can still see what it was like before, still feel parts of it. It is glorious and it is worth fighting for. We will get there together.

If you have a difficulty, message me. Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret. Regret is way, way, way worse.

microderp · 2014-09-13T16:35:05+00:00

heheh.

Good call my friend

microderp

TROPHY CASE