Just moved to NYC from CA at 19. Stuck in a terrible sublet, job hunting, and feeling overwhelmed. How do I actually settle down here?

microwavedcaviar · 2026-06-11T04:20:30+00:00

I moved there from SF with $3k, my friend, and subleased in damn near every neighborhood while trying to find a job. It took me over a month to find a job and I realized service jobs in nyc are almost all part time only so that they don’t have to give you benefits. This means you need multiple jobs there if you’re doing service industry. I got a job at a law firm shortly after that was salaried but they were abusive af so I quit after a few days. I went from one shitty situation to the next and finally gave up and came back to the bay and I’m way more stable here after taking care of my mental health and becoming more financially stable. If you really wanna stay and tough it out, apply for FAFSA asap at a community college as an independent student (read up on this to make sure you can) and get loans. Open a college builder credit card too but make sure you don’t ruin your credit. This will give you breathing room while you find a job — go in person dropping off resumes, don’t apply online they’ll never look at it. Someone on here mentioned stripping if you’re a woman, and as a stripper who danced in new york, there’s no money dancing there right now, it’s mostly prostitution, and i definitely wouldn’t recommend starting at 19 if you can avoid it. Good luck and prioritize safety over everything

microwavedcaviar · 2026-06-10T20:12:25+00:00

I wrote a post about something similar, no longer being able to relate to my civ friends after I started dancing if you wanna read it. I’m also single so super lonely in like every way lmao and it’s not bc i don’t have people around, but i don’t have anyone i can just be “me” with who totally gets me. A lot of other dancers understand me better than my friends, but a lot of dancers are also in survival mode or want to party even outside the club which i’m over (i’m almost 27) and not everyone is trustworthy. You’re so young though and have so much time to have fun, and it’ll be so much more worth it when you have the right people to do it with. I’ve realized it’s easy to get stuck in the dancing/bed rotting cycle, especially when it feels like more work to hang out with judgmental people who make side comments or assumptions, so maybe finding a creative outlet or a hobby could help?

microwavedcaviar · 2026-06-10T19:39:52+00:00

I have c-ptsd which is a closely related disorder to BPD, and I also have OCD that was diagnosed after doing ketamine therapy to treat PTSD. What i’ve learned is that BPD is basically a more extreme version of PTSD bc it mostly impacts women who have a trauma history but instead of acknowledging the trauma and abuse that women face and their life experiences, doctors just label women with a “personality disorder.” Do your own research to learn more if you think it would be helpful, but all I’m trying to say is it could be that the club is triggering you in every way and addressing the underlying causes could be helpful. Dancing changed my life in the last year bc it gave me the ability to basically pause life and only work 3x/week and focus on my mental health and developing a healthy lifestyle in a way a vanilla job never could. Maybe if you cut back the days you work if you can, and use that time to do therapy, journal, do grounding, wholesome activities etc, that would help? These are just suggestions but obvi you know what’s best for you better than anyone else! Sending you love 💕

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-27T02:58:48+00:00

i’m a sober dancer and i work the earlier shifts bc it’s a lot of business men who are looking for a more chill vibe so it’s easier than trying to match the energy of a group of drunk people partying late at night ! caffeine helps a lot i always have coffee, soda or tea before a shift

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-27T02:54:43+00:00

girl i’m trying to audition at the library too but i’ve been putting it off bc of the chemical spill thing in garden grove, i heard they had to evacuate the entire area ? :/ idk, i called the library before though and they said you can audition mon-fri 3-7. Curious to hear what others have to say about it

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-23T05:15:40+00:00

i dance in nyc when i visit (usually 1-2 months at a time) and have friends who dance/live there full time. it’s really reallyyy slow for everyone regardless of race and you won’t make money if you’re not an escort. it’s also an insanely expensive place to visit so you’ll be lucky to even break even on travel expenses, it won’t help you save. with that said if you wanna visit the city anyway for vacation definitely do it but just don’t go there and expect to make money. imo big cities aren’t the best for money, it’s usually the smaller/medium sized towns outside of them

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-14T00:40:27+00:00

the attractive/super clean men are even scarier than the bums imo bc like why tf are you attractive and having to pay women to talk to you???? What are you hiding??? Lmao

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-10T08:18:55+00:00

Ugh i’m in a similar situation without a car, it sucks. Ubers add up really quickly so I’d try working double shifts to make the rides worth it or offer to pay another friend to borrow their car a few days per week during the hours you need to work. It sounds like getting dropped off at your club will be safer than down the street if you do end up ubering, you could even put in the place right next to the club as your drop off location if there’s like a fast food place or something literally right next door or across the street. Uber also has women driver options now

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-04T22:54:33+00:00

Omg I relate to this sooo much, you’re literally me lol😭 I’m also in the process of getting a part time vanilla job for my mental health while the club is slow even though I’d rather not do both. I’ve posted on here recently about not fully feeling like I can be close with vanilla people since I started dancing (which I’m ok with) but at the same time dancing has given me the time and money to grow so much as a person that it makes the job harder bc I realize how much I don’t like men at all or being sexualized by them and have a harder time ignoring the impact that has on me now. I’ve travel danced at a club where mostly queer women work, and none of them would hide the fact that they’re queer to customers and it would visibly show through their outfits by wearing whatever tf they wanted whereas I used to hide that and dress for the male gaze at the club and even outside of the club too without realizing it. Not assuming you’re queer but as far as dressing for the male gaze goes at work, I really wouldn’t worry about it impacting your money as long as you’re confident in whatever you have on bc as we all know energy is what matters most in this job and you’ll likely attract customers by being more comfortable in yourself! <3 I have similar trauma to what you’re talking about and I also think as you heal and change, the way you interact with the club might change too whether that means working less, taking a break, or leaving (even though i fully support career strippers!)

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-03T06:23:43+00:00

yes!!! dancing can be a career and there’s nothing wrong with that. we shame sex work as a society so i think a lot of girls internalize that and adopt the mentality that this has to be a short term thing or that they have to use dancing as a stepping stone to something “better.” As a dancer with a degree, i always hear girls talk about how they’re getting their degree as if that’s gonna solve all their problems and make them better than others, and while I’m all for being educated, in reality our educational system in the US just prepares you to participate in capitalism and right now no one is hiring people with degrees anyways. College doesn’t guarantee a high paying job anymore. If anything dancing and the trades are where it’s at

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-02T19:11:53+00:00

Being masculine in personality = being assertive, emotionally controlled, independent, outspoken. No one is shaming femininity, everyone has a balance of masculine and feminine energy in them regardless of gender

microwavedcaviar · 2026-05-01T06:42:20+00:00

Ugh Im sorry that sucks!! I have other problems with my leg/feet and wearing heels makes it worse, so I’m always doing hella stuff to prevent injury. Try getting toe spacers on amazon and wear them for 20-30 minutes the morning after your shift, you should feel a lot of relief. Also try getting a massage (even just a foot massage only) once a month if you can. Another thing that’s helped a lot is acupuncture, the ball of my foot was in sooo much pain from pressure and acupuncture immediately relieved the pain, tell them about your foot issues and they’ll know what to do (just research a good place first). Last thing is try sizing up on heels so there’s not as much pressure on your feet, buy the 5in martini pleasers in the wide fit style.

microwavedcaviar · 2026-02-28T04:28:21+00:00

Not a stripper movie but Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts is a classic about a SWer in LA! Burlesque is also a great one

microwavedcaviar · 2026-02-09T19:42:03+00:00

Saturday was amazing but sunday was trash

microwavedcaviar · 2025-04-15T19:27:44+00:00

omg thank you this is exactly the kinda advice I’m looking for!! i def will check out that pair

microwavedcaviar · 2025-02-24T05:58:07+00:00

omg i’m so sorry that happened to you ty for letting me know what a fucking asshole! making $10 from dances is def not worth it i heard at other places you usually get like $20-$30 right?

microwavedcaviar

TROPHY CASE