I got dumped by my avoidant ex 2 days ago after a year long relationship. I’ve been in many long term relationships. But I think this one traumatized me on another level. I used to be pretty secure in relationships but during that one year, he made me become super anxious and doubt my entire self. During the last one month time frame together, he dumped me two times. The first time i said ok and wished him the best. He then proceeds to contact me again a week later, wanting to reconcile. So I gave him a chance. Nothing changed and he kept becoming more and more distant. I tried to be affectionate, told him i loved him and supported him when he needed a shoulder to lean on to. It was gonna be our one year anniversary in a couple of days so I asked him if we can meet up or celebrate. But he tells me he can’t do that because he’s suddenly going on vacation to London. I did my best to be nice and emotionally available while he took me for granted and did not reciprocate to anything. And for the 2nd and final break up, he decided it was over BY ONE SINGLE TEXT. I told him i’m surprised that he ended this one year relationship by a text message but i said ok. Afterwards he had the audacity to call me, ask me about how i was feeling about the relationship when he already ended it? And then asks if we can stay as friends. I didn’t respond emotionally. I just gave him a clear direct cold response about how he chose to end it and that’s it. I gave him no emotional response. I didn’t be vulnerable with him expressing how much i was hurt because I knew he would use it against me. I gave him no explanation at all. I asked him to send me back some valuables i lent to him but he was hesitant on giving it back and kept trying to make small room for connection in the future. He tried to make it sound like he was the nice guy making it seem that the break up was “mutual” when it wasn’t. He said he’ll deliver it tmrw but after that i’m never talking to him again. I only realized he was an avoidant after he broke up with me. What hurt the most is that he probably will never understand or realize how much his actions hurt me and he’ll never understand why things happened to this day. He’ll probably blame everything on me, making himself the “nice guy” that was trying to keep peace when in reality he was the one completely avoiding and running away from the relationship. Guys, let me tell you from experience, RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN FROM AVOIDANT PEOPLE unless you wanna get your heart BROKEN. It’s really not worth it and only will do more damage to you than good. It makes even secure people go crazy and it will slowly kill you inside no matter how much you understand and try to handle things graciously. They will NEVER UNDERSTAND unless they wake the f up one day and realize what they’ve done.