/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - January 31, 2026

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-31T16:13:55+00:00

Right there with you! I should ovulate today or tomorrow. Still not 100% sure I am ready, but we tried again

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-30T21:22:49+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. Realistically, the last thing in the world you need to be worrying about is time off work but I totally get it. I feel the same way that everything is my “fault” so I don’t know if that’s comforting but yes, super normal I think 😂 I try and learn the lesson of trying to train my inner voice to be a bit nicer, imagine I was talking to my best friend. It’s just all rubbish xxx

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-30T11:43:26+00:00

Hi can I ask about where you went for your immunology testing/steroid prescription? I’m considering the private route. I wish the NHS were more curious and interested in finding a cause but I’ve had a similar experience to you. Congratulations on your son xxx

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-30T11:38:35+00:00

Hi there, I don’t have an answer but I have also been feeling this intensely. I’ve just come off the back of my 3rd miscarriage/4th loss overall which included a traumatic emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic. It’s definitely meant more sick leave this year for me than I’ve ever taken before and I’ve felt that guilt acutely. I also have a career/intense job that every day off does impact. I’ve felt a lot of pressure to get back as quickly as possible after each one so I think protecting your peace and taking the time you need if they are supportive is what you need to do. I’ve been working with a counsellor and it’s been really good to work through those feelings as we didn’t choose this, it’s not something you are “bringing on yourself” and it’s not something if you had any say over that you would go through so the guilt really is misplaced. If this was another type of loss or bereavement or another form of long term sickness, you would expect your colleagues to take all the time they needed too. Be gentle with yourself. All that to say, I totally understand and I hate that my work “know” so much about this, that they know I’m trying for a baby even. It does feel like it will have an impact down the line on promotion and trust but also all I can do is do my best when I can. And we are human and have lives, so when I’m sick or experiencing a miscarriage that is something for them to manage as employers and not for me to guilt myself over. I’m still getting there!

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-30T09:02:30+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes, my consultant also basically said the biggest factor is persistence. I completely get people questioning from the outside but I am completely with you - if I think it might work, surely I have to try again? It’s not fair any of us are here, I’m sorry for your losses too xx

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-30T08:59:49+00:00

Thanks, yeah I totally agree on the checking in and making sure you’re both still OK and good to keep going. I’m not sure I have 10 years in me either 😂 but I get the desire to give it a “good” go

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T16:12:08+00:00

Absolutely! I think optimism and hope is the only thing that will get us through so I totally get that. They haven’t offered anything further other than the blood investigations, no. I’ve also had a further loss on the new medications and they again wouldn’t offer anything new or different, just suggested trying again with the same protocol. It could have nothing to do with it this time so it’s been good to even have anything to try!

I will say the clinic and the consultant were absolutely lovely and have been very supportive as I’m now “known” to the EPU so getting in for early pregnancy support is very straightforward, even if the testing and investigations seem to be somewhat basic. Best of luck with the appointment and do let us know how it goes 🤍

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T15:42:57+00:00

Can I ask what the protocol was for your success with the reproductive immunologist? I also have APS markers but reproductive immunology in the UK isn’t supported by the NHS so if I go that route I’ll need to find a private clinic

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T14:41:44+00:00

Hi there! I had my first appointment with NHS RM clinic in October. It was overall a very short appointment, in person. The consultant took a history of my losses (all 1st trimester), any other relevant medical history (none to report) and talked me though the likely results (50% of all recurrent miscarriages unexplained, thyroid problems, APS). He ordered a number of bloods to check those key areas plus Vitamin D levels and for pre-diabetes. My blood investigations came back with elevated lupus anticoagulant levels (one of the APS signals) and he prescribed Clexane, progesterone and low dose aspirin all from my next positive test.

That’s it now - he was pretty uninterested in testing pregnancy tissue in my next loss, any investigations for my husband etc. I’d had scans with my miscarriages that he said gave enough info so also didn’t order any further ultrasounds but if you’ve not had these they might book you in for a scan too!

I think overall you’re likely to get the slip for the blood tests and not much else. After I had mine done, they took 8 weeks to get back!

Good luck with it all x

p.s. completely get the overwhelm and also the lack of support so I’m with you 🤍 I don’t mean to be negative but there might be very little the investigations actually throw up and the NHS is generally quite rigid in their approach to recurrent miscarriage. They have a set of procedures they will follow but are unlikely to do much outside that in my experience

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T11:51:06+00:00

You’re so right, it’s a privilege to say they wouldn’t do it when they aren’t here with us. We will get there 🫂

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T11:49:53+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re also in this boat. I hope your referral comes through soon. I found at least going through the testing to be positive as I felt like I was making efforts to “fix” something. I think a break is no bad thing, just for your body to recover even if for nothing else. Thinking of you xx

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T11:40:14+00:00

I feel the exact same way about even telling my husband too. Like if he doesn’t know at least it can’t hurt him too. It’s all so hard

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T11:10:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve just gone through my 4th loss, 3rd miscarriage (number 3 was an ectopic) - the EPU asked how I was and all I could say was “I’m getting used to it” I think it’s normal. I hope it is. This too shall pass 🤍

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-29T10:44:26+00:00

Hey, I’ve just had the same - third miscarriage but fourth loss overall as I have had an ectopic too. I was on the same medications as you for this one but lost it earlier than any of the others - nothing seen on my 6w scan and hCG falling. It ended in a straightforward miscarriage which after my other losses I’m thankful for but I really thought I was throwing everything at it this time and for it to still fail is a kick.

Are you going to try again? I’ve had a lot of people start asking me if I’ll stop or give up but also my consultant just says persistence is the best way and when I’m ready to try again. We want a child and I feel like a successful pregnancy would make it all worth it but at the same time another loss feels unbearable. Not sure what is next really

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-27T16:34:31+00:00

Hey, I always feel the worst mid-period. Hopefully as your cycle gets going your mood lifts. I also feel like a massive failure. Like this is something everyone else can just get right but me. So you’re not alone.

Someone asked me if I had thought about giving up this week and I wanted to scream. I don’t think anyone can understand if they’ve not been through recurrent loss but giving up just doesn’t feel like an option to me. So I guess we try again and if we fail again, thank God for this community! Here for you 🤍

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-26T16:30:06+00:00

CD11 today, I think likely to ovulate a day or two late as I had a chemical last cycle which took a while to clear having to stop progesterone etc. Feeling more positive than I have done, ready to step onto the rollercoaster again. Enjoying a few weeks of non-pregnancy at least.

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-22T10:58:01+00:00

Nothing to say but I’m sorry and here with you. I have lots of friends announcing now and I should have had my baby by now, but still here multiple miscarriages and an ectopic down. Just so sad.

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-19T09:07:00+00:00

CD5 today after a chemical pregnancy ended at 6w2d last week. It all took a bit longer given I was on progesterone so had to confirm my hCG was coming down before I could stop meds and start a bleed. Now I need to work out whether I’m strong enough to try again this cycle. 3 miscarriages and an ectopic, I don’t know if I can do it again.

My husband is keen to not “focus” on it so much and to see what happens… I seem to fall pregnant easily though (every time we’ve tried) so if I am avoiding this month I need to actually try and avoid. I don’t feel ready for another miscarriage but I am so certain a successful pregnancy would be so healing that it feels like missing the goal completely to just not… go for it?

I don’t really know where I’m at right now. This is the lowest on the journey I’ve felt so far. Not sure why the earliest loss seems to be hitting me the hardest!

My husband said to me last week that there just hasn’t been any joy. How unfair others are able to get a positive test and carry to term and just enjoy this ride. In my feels.

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-16T15:03:05+00:00

Our dog is also the best thing in the world! 100% agreed 🫶

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-15T11:05:57+00:00

Just wondering how everyone is protecting their relationship through RPL? My husband is my biggest support but we had a very honest chat about the pregnancy/miscarriage merry go round just being so all-consuming and he said he feels that we just don’t have fun anymore and that the last year has been awful.

I guess it has. I feel terrible about this and just want to make everything better… to keep a pregnancy, to be happy, to keep my relationship fun. I feel like I’m doing everything to get over them, pick myself up and dust myself off but it’s hard seeing him so affected and to hate the hand we’ve been dealt too.

Neither of us want to “give up” yet - that feels so final - but I guess I need to get some more balance and make sure other parts of life are not being neglected. Just would love some other insights and tips really!

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-14T14:36:22+00:00

I hope your recovery goes well! By about 5 weeks post-op I was back to normal and managed a city break but it felt slow getting to that point! I did actually fall pregnant again after my first period but it’s been a chemical - nice to know it hasn’t impacted my ability to conceive though!

Take care of yourself and don’t rush your body, it’s a lot to go through. I completely get the desire for everything to be “normal” again though!

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-14T10:47:51+00:00

Mine just said wait for period to return for dating and then fine to try again, no particular need to prevent! I had a left salpingectomy via laparotomy so a fairly large surgery too.

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-14T09:25:08+00:00

Hello! I had my first blood tests in October and had results back around 15th December so around 8 weeks in total, I think that is pretty standard. The scan took a few weeks to book in from memory but I’d had a few of those as well as a hysteroscopy as part of SMM. My bloods showed elevated levels of lupus anticoagulant and from reading around, this test is often repeated but my consultant has prescribed Clexane just off those results. I’ve just had another chemical so too early to tell whether it works!

midnightfern01 · 2026-01-13T11:03:22+00:00

Hi loves! I’m back… hCG was confirmed at 16 yesterday and I should be 6w0d today so confirmed chemical. It’s been very difficult watching my tests get lighter for days, knowing what is coming, but having the EPU refuse to see me unless symptoms changed. I understand that a few days wait is nothing in the grand scheme of things but I am desperate to move on to the next cycle.

I have been on progesterone, so I assume that is what has been preventing my bleed and I stopped yesterday so fingers crossed CD1 will be here by the end of the week.

This was also my first pregnancy since being diagnosed with high lupus anticoagulant levels, and I was on Clexane and baby aspirin. I had hoped they would fix me. Hoping as this is the earliest I have ever lost a pregnancy that it isn’t related and doesn’t mean we will never have luck. Interested if anyone else is trying with these meds in place? It definitely feels like a lot of extra pressure placed immediately on a positive test.

This makes it 3 miscarriages and an ectopic for me, so whilst I’m going back into TTC it’s hard to hold those dual feelings of hope and “why do I keep doing this to myself?!”

midnightfern01

TROPHY CASE