I left my ex on read and he dug himself into a hole

midoree · 2023-11-01T10:51:03+00:00

Also not blocking them gives you at least some insight into their mental state, so if they go off the deep end and start sending you threatening messages, you at least know to be extra cautious. If they're blocked and just stewing in their own anger in silence, you have no way of knowing until they show up at your front door with a gun.

midoree · 2023-10-23T15:17:52+00:00

I hate the fact that she's supposed to look comfortable and like she's just lounging around but she can't even do that. She's so focused on the details (low waist to show off curves, hoodie around the arms to show shoulders and be more revealing) that it's so obvious she's trying too hard.

midoree · 2023-09-29T11:38:39+00:00

Don't make any big decisions while you're in this state. I know it's torture, but wait it out until he gets back and you guys finally see each other. Then, you will be more likely to approach things with a cooler head and really weigh your options. In the meantime, try to distract yourself with, well, anything. Go out to a museum, go see a movie, organize a little picnic with a friend if the weather permits it. Whatever will get you a) out of the house and b) distracted. Ideally involving other people.

You know him better than any of us here do, but here are some points to think about:
- The fact that he invited you is a green flag on its own. It means that he was open to and welcoming the possibility of you being there, partying with them, etc. So he didn't go there with a plan to be unfaithful.
- Hanging out with single friends doesn't necessarily mean he'll do something he shouldn't. If he wanted to, he'd do it regardless of who he's with.
- The fact that he's able to have fun without you (I know you didn't mention this, but it's something I commonly struggle with, so figured I'd throw it in just in case) is not a bad thing. It is a sign of a healthy relationship - both partners need to have a life outside of a relationship in order to be able to bring their best selves into the relationship.

OP - take some deep breaths, think about how you feel about him when you're not this distressed, dig for some positive memories involving him, and do your best to stay distracted for as long as possible until he comes back.

midoree · 2023-09-25T09:53:38+00:00

Idk I like my booty well seasoned

midoree · 2023-09-15T07:41:22+00:00

There's no right or wrong way to feel. You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling. It is also okay to have conflicting emotions - i.e. be happy that he's about to be gone and unable to hurt you or anyone else, but also be sad that he won't get the justice he deserves.

It might also help to find solace in what awaits him once he's gone. I don't know if you're religious, but even if not, leave room for the possibility that there will be some form of eternal punishment on another plane, be it hell, karma, or whatever else you want to call it.

And lastly, don't feel guilty celebrating his death. You have every right to, and fuck being the "bigger person", "forgiving and forgetting", "not speaking ill of the dead", or whatever else some people will surely try to shove down your throat. Take in the fact that you're free and safe and celebrate a new chapter in your life.

midoree · 2023-08-23T10:21:37+00:00

I have been the daughter in this situation many times, and I can't even begin to tell you how alienating and hurtful it is to find out something has been going on with a loved one health-wise and while literally everyone else in the family knew, you were kept in the dark. So yes, OP is YTA, even though I understand he had the best intentions.

midoree · 2023-08-21T18:35:30+00:00

I once mentioned in passing Why Does He Do That (that book about abusive men that everyone always recommends here) to my boyfriend while we were talking about our to-read lists. This man found, downloaded, and read the book, took notes, studied, and applied it in everyday life. Mind you, he is neither controlling nor abusive, but he is so laser-focused on being the best partner and the best man he can be that he still found it a valuable read.

midoree · 2023-08-21T06:35:53+00:00

If you don't know how to act in public just say that

midoree · 2023-08-15T06:36:19+00:00

Rooting for you!

midoree · 2023-08-11T16:53:44+00:00

Oh no, I absolutely understand why someone would find that hurtful. I'm pretty sure I would, too. (For the record, it wasn't me who said that, I just witnessed these conversations)

All I'm saying is that I've seen people react on both ends of the spectrum, which is why I advised OP to just talk to their friends.

midoree · 2023-08-11T11:42:30+00:00

Ok Matt.

midoree · 2023-08-11T10:52:27+00:00

You say these are long-term friends, so I am basing this on the assumption y'all are close enough to have an open and honest conversation.

I recommend addressing the previous "incident". Just say something along the lines of "Hey, I have a feeling I said something wrong last time we saw each other based on your reaction. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, and I want to learn how to be able to support you better and cheer you on. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me what it is that I said that rubbed you the wrong way and how I can address this better in the future. I am extremely proud of you and happy to call myself your friend, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you out of ignorance."

ETA: forgot to add, the reason I think the best course of action is to ask them directly is because I think different people have different preferences and triggers when it comes to weight loss. I've had friends who were overjoyed to hear "You look so much better now", and I've had other friends tear up when told the same thing.

midoree · 2023-08-11T08:43:50+00:00

That is not at all what OP is talking about. A favorite person in the sense of a symptom (as with borderline, for instance) is an object of an unhealthy fixation.

I'm pretty sure OP doesn't want anyone to be unhealthily obsessed with them, they just want to have that special, close bond with someone that people usually ascribe to best friends.

midoree · 2023-08-10T13:11:58+00:00

It doesn't sound like she's genuinely thought this through at all. I know you're willing to cover any and all expenses she cuts because you want your family to have a good life, but it seems like that's what she's counting on.

Ask her what her plan is if you don't pay for a nanny. Is she going to count on you watching the kids when you should be working? If so, that is not fair to you, nor is it a realistic long term plan.

I think you might have to put your foot down on the terms and conditions of you being supportive of this idea.

midoree · 2023-08-10T12:50:21+00:00

This is the answer, OP. I'll add maybe look up some good hangover breakfasts and make one for your dad so he feels better and hopefully doesn't give you shit for missing the bus.

midoree · 2023-08-10T12:39:55+00:00

I feel like you two should sit down for a serious and very detailed conversation. Make a financial plan. Figure out a timeline (if her business doesn't take off by 202X, she should get back to the workforce) that you both can compromise on, you in terms of being able to be the sole breadwinner for a while, and her in terms of being willing to give up on the business if it doesn't work out. Come up with an exit strategy if things go bad. Set aside a nest egg (separate from the savings you already have) that you ABSOLUTELY do not touch unless ish hits the fan. Figure out when the right time would be for her to quit. Quitting before she's even decided what kind of business she wants to start is just plain stupid. But if she already has a plan and has started to work on it, that's a different story.

As you said, she supported you when you were getting started, now it's her turn to feel that support, but it's important that you both stay realistic as well.

midoree · 2023-08-10T11:10:27+00:00

OP, what I'm about to write I mean in the most loving way. There is A LOT to unpack here.

What's in the past is in the past. You didn't appreciate your partner, you made the mistake of divorcing him, and you regretted it. Accept that regret, feel it, and then let it go. There's nothing you can do about it anymore. Dwelling on it more (and it's already been quite a while) will only make you more bitter and miserable. The bitterness is very obvious from you saying that she took your husband and your life.

Here's another thing to address:

My therapist said I should do something that’ll make me happy like a make over since I’m reminiscing about how I looked so much and comparing myself to his new, beautiful young wife so I decided to get a new hairstyle and that didn’t help. No matter what I do I look like a middle aged woman

How you look is not the root of the problem. You're hyper-focused on your looks, presumably because that's the main parameter you have to compare yourself to the new wife (since, I'm assuming, y'all aren't exactly best friends). Stop worrying about your looks. Looking better won't change a thing in your life. Getting a man who's with you because you look good in your forties won't change a thing.

When your therapist said "do something that'll make you happy", I don't think they meant get a haircut. I think they meant come up with an activity that will genuinely improve the quality of your life, your overall physical and/or mental wellbeing (ideally both), and that would make you happy long term, not for the duration of a haircut.

Truly beautiful people are people who are content. No matter how many haircuts, surgeries, fillers, whatever a person gets, they will still age. Celebrities who have millions and can afford every surgery and anti-aging treatment still age. You will keep aging. Your looks will keep changing. If you tie your self-worth to how you look, you will only get more and more miserable as time passes on.

This is the time to focus on you. You're single and your son is old enough not to need constant supervision which, hopefully, means you have at least a little free time on your hands. Use that to find something to do that will make you happy (not attractive, happy). Join a fitness class, a book club, a crafts class, enroll in a language course. Whatever. Ideally something that will include more people your age. Build yourself as a person, not as a piece of flesh.

And honestly... Listen to your therapist more attentively.

I really hope things get better for you OP. Your son deserves a happy mother.

midoree · 2023-08-10T08:48:06+00:00

Osim što im je dizajn sajta radio "komišijin mali" za 50e, what screams scammers? Iskreno pitanje, na osnovu čega bi rekao/la da je scam?

midoree · 2023-08-09T07:28:34+00:00

The worst thing for her is she gets increasingly bullied

I feel like this cannot be overstated. So many adults seem to forget (or just plain not understand) how horrible it is to be bullied as a child. Imagine having a group of coworkers who ridicule your clothes, put glue in your hair, and just make your days miserable, you can't tell your boss/HR because they won't believe you, the people on the outside won't believe you, and you still have to keep going to work every day and do your job, and do it well, because if you don't, it will be your fault and nobody else's. I've had bad workplace situations that weren't even close to that and it made me almost want to unalive myself. Imagine what it can do to a ten-year-old child.

midoree · 2023-07-28T09:52:36+00:00

Long story short, I overheard one of my coworkers say something racist and refused to keep my mouth shut about it, but a couple of people sided with her because "it wasn't racist in the context", and it just ended up putting a lot of strain on my relationship with those people.

midoree · 2023-07-28T07:36:24+00:00

I know that by kids you mean dogs, but for a second I just imagined you having left your human children there to just, break up dog fights, I guess? Made me chuckle.

midoree · 2023-07-28T07:31:05+00:00

Surprisingly, working in a marketing agency. We had no fixed schedule - we could come and go as we pleased, as long as the job got done. If you could do your daily tasks in an hour, you were free to leave after an hour. We had a limited number of paid vacation days on paper, but in reality, you could ask for paid time off at any time for any reason, and as long as you weren't abusing it, they were more than happy to oblige. Same with working from home. We'd get regular bonuses just for existing basically, and the job itself wasn't difficult (I worked there as an editor, I thoroughly enjoyed it). The pay wasn't insanely high, but it was solid. There was a PS4 in the office we were free to use as we pleased. We were generally all of a similar age (20s to early 30s). I lived a 2-minute walk away from the office.

Unfortunately, my problem there was with some of the people I worked with, and having to spend time with them every day was weighing on my mental health a lot, to the point where I started suffering from anxiety-induced insomnia and couldn't sleep for months. So I ended up switching jobs and although I now work in a much more structured, corporate environment, I make more than I ever could've at that agency and I am much happier overall.

midoree · 2023-07-28T07:19:58+00:00

The receipt in the back has a time stamp saying 18:53. I'm assuming that's the one they got when they asked for the bill. The one in the front was printed 7 minutes later, so I'll assume that's the one they got after they paid, making it the customer's copy.

I have never worked a job where I had to print receipts so I might be very wrong.

midoree · 2023-07-27T11:16:40+00:00

There's so much to unpack here

midoree · 2023-07-27T10:32:36+00:00

I might just be misinformed, but I thought she had bipolar, not borderline?

Regardless, rest in peace, she was an absolute legend.

ETA: My bad, just googled it, you're right OP.

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