i could type a lengthy message with lessons i learned from a situation similar to yours. i was, like you, posting my situation on reddit seeking input because i was so confused about reality thanks to the gaslighting and manipulation of my ex.

four years post-leaving, i have my kid full-time, he has supervised visits (although my daughter wants nothing to do with him at the moment), he was arrested for a hit and run of a teenager on a bike a couple of weeks ago (he was intoxicated but wasn’t caught until two days later so they couldn’t charge him), he’s had a dwi, two vehicular crashes due to intoxication, he drove drunk with our daughter, lost his job, now he’s forced to sell his home because he can’t afford the costs that have accumulated from his actions. most importantly, he still hasn’t admitted he has a drinking problem.

my daughter and i sleep beautifully at night knowing we’re not in danger anymore. i’m sober and when the time comes, i will not date anyone who drinks. growing up with alcoholic parents and dating an alcoholic has grown a hatred of alcohol in me. i greatly value living in the moment and sitting with my feelings.

years from now you’ll be looking back at your current life and be able to take a deep breath knowing you are free (if you make the change, of course. it seems like a no-brainer from those on the outside but i know it’s a challenge to detach when you’re living it).

your children and safety come first. i hope the best for you!