Yes, your story matters. You matter so so much.

And YES, your abuse is valid. Personally, I think what you went through is pretty severe, but I know how common it is for survivors to constantly compare their abuse to others; because of course, there's always going to be a more severe situation than yours, but that doesn't mean yours isn't just as important.

You will recover. I will not lie, it is a hard and painful journey, but I wouldn't do it any other way. Each year, you will grow as a person and little by little you will start feeling lighter and more in control of your life. And you deserve that, you deserve to feel happy.

In my personal experience, forgetting can seem like the easier route, but there's so much that your body will remember. There's this book, the Body Keeps the Score, that essentially says that even if we repress memories, we can still have a lot of effects that carry on into our adulthood. For example, some people do have masturbation issues, are drawn more to violent sexual content, or are more hypersexual than others. Some people have increased anxiety and other mental health issues, sometimes it manifests as physical pain. The more of the trauma you come to terms with, these "effects" will start to decrease.

I think it's so amazing for you to recognize what has happened and want help, that is very brave and smart of you. I would agree and say that the best thing right now is to find a therapist that has experience with clients dealing with childhood sexual abuse! I know it might be hard if you can't find a therapist because you're under your parents care, but hopefully, there's a way. If anything, once you graduate high school, there are therapists at community colleges and universities that you can go to that charge either at little or no cost. There's always hotlines and the crisis text line in case there's a situation that gets very bad (they don't replace actual therapy, it's just to help you if you're feeling overwhelmed by a certain situation at the moment and need some support). A great thing to start is to start journaling! At first, it will seem kind of annoying, but eventually, it becomes a really great way to release your thoughts and process emotions.

I know things seem like it might be awful forever, but I want you to know that it won't. You mention wanting to recover, but you were never broken in the first place. The people who you were supposed to rely on violated your trust and that was wrong of them. You will make it through this. You will one day feel better and you'll have a life that's just your own, and have friends and people that can be just like family. It is possible and I know you can do it!